Feel a bit judged by this mum

[locomelons]

I have a 3 year old DS and a 6 month old DD. I have met a mum who has a 6 month old DD as well.

We go for coffee sometimes.

Recently the topic of weaning came up and I showed her a video of me feeding my first baby his first few mouthfuls from a silver spoon. She remarked if that was OK, because it was metal. I have plastic spoons as well, but this particular time I used this silver spoon that was gifted to us. No harm done. Minor comment.

Then it came up again and she said how she was going to do all the baby led weaning stuff and absolutely no way any fruits until all veggies had been tried. All this stuff about it being so unhealthy etc, to let your baby try an apple first is wrong.

I weaned my first successfully with a slightly different approach. I didn't do baby led weaning and also started with baby rice and fruit and then slowly onto other stuff. I can say that my first baby definitely didn't prefer sweet stuff or anything. I've tried a similar approach with my second and actually, she prefers veggies at the moment and tends to eat more and be more eager on broccoli, rather than banana.

My friend was again pointing out how that's not how you should wean etc. it's better to do all the veggies etc. she fears her DD will grow up and only want to eat junk food. I said I think it's normal for me, once they're toddlers, that they have the occasional ice cream and treats, in moderation. She's seen my older son eat ice-cream when she went out for a meal. So she said, well if you don't even let them try it, then they won't know it. Like how goes XX know he loves ice cream so much, you must have let him try it at some point ?

It's minor, but I didn't really appreciate it and now feel a bit self conscious about what I give my older son in front of her. I understand her point, but I really think for my children, they'll be allowed to have occasional treats and it's completely OK. I'm not going to deprive them of this stuff, as it sounds like she plans to. I'm not judging her approach, but she's judging mine, I feel.

First world problem of course, which doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things at all.

I knew someone like that who’s precious baby was never going to do this or that or have this or that and I can assure you that by the time the kid was three she was shovelling crisps down her throat to shut her up in a supermarket!

Your friend will learn

Pfb! Tell her this time you are weaning with ice cream 😂

I EBF, did BLW, never had even one tub of formula, jar of baby food, a rusk, or baby rice in my house. I certainly never bought sugar-loaded crap like cordial or ketchup (tastes like what it is, sugar and vinegar)! We did have a few biscuits etc later on, but I did try not to load up DC's diet with sugary processed food elsewhere. We did okay with that until ...

DC went to school. They sent home all manner of communications about the eat well plate, refused to allow chocolate biscuits in packed lunch boxes, and banged the drum every opportunity they got about healthy eating. And then fed them absolute shit for their school meals, with the consequence that my once non-fussy eater would now live on a diet of sausages if we allowed it and wants to douse every meal in disgusting ketchup.

We started as we meant to go, but the best-laid plans will usually go to waste. Your friend will learn ....

I remember another friend judging my first because I didn't give him finger foods at all until he was older and when she put finger foods in front of him when he was maybe 7-8 months, he didn't really know what to do with it. He learnt eventually of course. I started off with tiny pieces, as I was very worried about choking. I mean absolutely tiny. He developed a great pincer grip early hahah.

Then when he was maybe 14 months, someone else judged us because I still spoon fed sometimes.

He's completely able to eat everything kids his age eat now etc. in the completely normal way, with cutlery and normal sized food etc. we just got to it our way.

I know I'll get a bunch of comments criticising how we did this from people on here even. As I've been slated for using a bit of baby rice ( god forbid ).

But yeah, I guess our weaning is unconventional maybe. But I don't 100 percent follow rule books when it comes to my kids. I take some current advice, some older advice and my own instincts. I definitely don't get it right all the time and I'm no expert in weaning, but they just kind of get on with it don't they. You don't have to do much. Just make sure they're safe.

One comment I could ignore, 2 i might laugh to myself about precious first born. More than that and i would say something "best not to comment on how others parent"

And if it is making you feel bad about yourself ditch her.

yes as a nanny I avoid baby rice and Fruit until I’ve established veggies but that’s me and my choice.

Surely that's the parents decision not their employee's?

I started off with tiny pieces, as I was very worried about choking. I mean absolutely tiny.

That’s more of a choking risk. Babies need finger food that is sized and cut appropriately, eg. A carrot baton that sticks out of their fist.

That way they are able to learn how to take appropriate size bites and chew and swallow. They don’t learn anything from being given tiny bites which you are assuming are okay for them.

Traditional-led weaning babies are more likely than BLW babies to choke because they haven’t been given chance to learn what works for them.

When I look after my baby niece, I don't read the front of the packages but I can always tell the vegetable ones from the disgusted look on my nieces face.

Ah a PFB know it all... they almost all eat humble pie at some point.

I know loads of mams who cringe when they look back on what twats they where with there first towards more experianced mams.

My favorite is always the 'my kids wont have anything I didn't have so no technology'... its hard not to laugh, I just imagine cave babies with nought but a stick and yep like clockwork 3.5 years on when mums on baby number 2 little Damion has been left with the tablet to entertain himself lol.

I hope you corrected her language and thinking around healthy and unhealthy foods, and reminded her there is nothing unhealthy about fruit, you don’t want to be using labels for food!!

She probably is. Send her a photo of you giving the baby a bottle full of diet coke, that'll set her off nicely!

I just threw porridge at my babies and they usually threw it back at me!

Lol just ignore her comments if she is otherwise ok, wonder what she will do when her child is eating anything they find on the floor.

Honestly? I am like your friend. Are you sure she's not just trying to discuss weaning and approaches to food without necessarily judging you for doing it differently?

I worry a lot about baby nutrition (we have IBD and lots of allergies in the family) and like to talk about it with people. I would hate for it to sound like I'm judging others for their choices when I'm actually trying to understand how other people think.

She sounds annoying for sure, but I wouldn't let it get to you (and I certainly wouldn't "ditch her as a friend" as some people have suggested... god knows if most of us ditched everyone who was mildly annoying sometimes we'd have no friends or family left at all!)

I'd just arm yourself with a few gentle "comebacks" such as "well, there are lots of different ways to do it that all work", "you'll soon find out children don't always follow the rules", "I don't see the harm in the odd ice cream... no, he wouldn't know he likes it if he'd never tried it, but I don't see the harm, the odd ice cream will hardly kill him 🙄"

I had a childless friend force feed my son peas whilst I went to the bathroom. He was only 18 months and now to this day at 21 he won't entertain peas. You do what you need to do for your children, sounds like you're making sure they have a balanced diet etc.
Try to have more self belief as it seems you're doing great 😊

This.

It just sounds like she parents differently to you.

I think you’re making drama out of nothing, she hasn’t said anything judgemental.

This is also perfectly possible. Maybe she's trying to fish for ideas from a more experienced friend.

So what if she judged you? Nothing bad happened.
If you feel uncomfortable just say something along the lines of you do your thing and i'll do mine.

Life is too short not to have ice cream, lol. Your friend sounds insecure about her own methods, if she comments often on your own. Do what works best for you and your child.

I think this is a case where you've reared a 3 year old how you see fit, she's rearing her first and trying to do it as 'by the book' as possible because how can she go wrong then. Problem is there are so many different books and what works for one child and family won't work for another. It's up to you as a parent to decide what you feel is healthy. Some would agree with her and say no sweet treats for as long as possible, others would say that would make the sweet treats even more of a reward when they do eventually get them and create an healthy obsession. So I think you need to take her with a pinch of salt, she might be trying to come across more confident since she's a new mum and you're a more experienced mum and she feels more inadequate than she let's on. I'd just gently say "we'll agree to disagree" and then change the topic and move on.

@Vinylloving the reason baby rice isn’t recommended is that the majority of baby rice was found to have dangerously high levels of arsenic in.

I would let her have her little moment. It won't last!

Oh good let’s all put our disordered issues and food bullshit on our kids even earlier

She's gonna hate it once her kid hits nursery/school - all those birthday sweets being handed out and parties!

We don't have absolute control over what goes in our child's mouths for very long!