Feel a bit judged by this mum

[locomelons]

I have a 3 year old DS and a 6 month old DD. I have met a mum who has a 6 month old DD as well.

We go for coffee sometimes.

Recently the topic of weaning came up and I showed her a video of me feeding my first baby his first few mouthfuls from a silver spoon. She remarked if that was OK, because it was metal. I have plastic spoons as well, but this particular time I used this silver spoon that was gifted to us. No harm done. Minor comment.

Then it came up again and she said how she was going to do all the baby led weaning stuff and absolutely no way any fruits until all veggies had been tried. All this stuff about it being so unhealthy etc, to let your baby try an apple first is wrong.

I weaned my first successfully with a slightly different approach. I didn't do baby led weaning and also started with baby rice and fruit and then slowly onto other stuff. I can say that my first baby definitely didn't prefer sweet stuff or anything. I've tried a similar approach with my second and actually, she prefers veggies at the moment and tends to eat more and be more eager on broccoli, rather than banana.

My friend was again pointing out how that's not how you should wean etc. it's better to do all the veggies etc. she fears her DD will grow up and only want to eat junk food. I said I think it's normal for me, once they're toddlers, that they have the occasional ice cream and treats, in moderation. She's seen my older son eat ice-cream when she went out for a meal. So she said, well if you don't even let them try it, then they won't know it. Like how goes XX know he loves ice cream so much, you must have let him try it at some point ?

It's minor, but I didn't really appreciate it and now feel a bit self conscious about what I give my older son in front of her. I understand her point, but I really think for my children, they'll be allowed to have occasional treats and it's completely OK. I'm not going to deprive them of this stuff, as it sounds like she plans to. I'm not judging her approach, but she's judging mine, I feel.

First world problem of course, which doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things at all.

She'll look back on this and cringe when she's got a 2 year old that steals the biscuits out of the dogs bowl (that might just be my little savage)

This shouldn’t upset you, it should make you laugh that a first time mum is essentially giving advice to someone who has done it before and thinks she knows it all ( as we all do first time around)

I just laugh now if I have situation like this because it reminds me of me with first baby, god I must have sounded like such a knob at times to people.

Just do what you want to do with YOUR child. Her child will be beige food only in a few years anyways like all young kids.

She’s right - everything she’s saying is backed by research.

Are you sure she's the problem? On the one hand, because you have already had a kid, you think that what you did worked. Everybody saying you'll be laughing about this when they tuck into a McDonald's in a few years might be right, but equally, presumably you realise that you could do exactly the same thing with your baby as you did your eldest and not at all get the same result.
This jumped out in your OP
She remarked if that was OK, because it was metal.
Metal isn't ideal, but it sounds like she didn't even criticise, she asked.
Do you think you might be quite sensitive about this too? Your friend is finding her way through things as much as you are, you are not an expert though just because you have weaned one kid. Why aren't you open to any discussion on this at all? Because that's really how it is coming across, why wouldn't you start to wean with vegetables, perhaps you have a really firm view on why, for you, you think it's better to start with baby rice and fruit. Surely it's not so complicated that you can't explain your choices to your friend?

I think it's the OP who sounds smug, with the successfully weaned three-year-old.

Also, I had an NCT friend who was like this, but with sleep. She was super strict about routines, naps must be at precisely these times, no more no less, absolutely no cuddling/rocking to sleep, no co-sleeping, dark room/white noise, never deviate from the plan. Her dd slept through from like 9 weeks and was the easiest baby. Meanwhile the rest of us were much more relaxed but really struggling with being up all night and not being able to put babies down to sleep and all the usual exhaustion of having a new baby. She was always very smug about how if we just had a 'routine' and followed all these rules....

Then she had her 2nd baby quickly thereafter and I bumped into her at a class, and she was absolutely on her knees with exhaustion with a non-sleeping baby who couldn't be put down. It turns out that she didn't have it all figured out after all. She just had a really easy, low needs baby. And when she got a more 'normal' baby, all the routines and the rules didn't actually work as well as she thought they did.

Does she know how many vegetables actually exist?!

You do you and she does her. Try to ignore her comments and move the conversation to something else.

I will again tell the story my mum told me about a boy I went to school with. His Mum was very judgemental about the wrong/right types of food. Her way was right, others were wrong. She had similar conversations with other parents that her child won't know what chocolate etc tastes like because he'd never had it.

First party they went to, buffet style food in someone's home ('twas the 80's), the child was just leaving when something fell out of his pocket. The mum was mortified when he confessed to stealing a great number of sweets and stuffing his pockets full. He had treats after that.

I'm cringing for her!
I had a Mum friend like this, briefly, when my ds was a baby. I decided she always made me feel bad, and made herself feel good, so there was no point in continuing the charade!

It’s such a shame there seems to be so much competition instead of support among new mums - I definitely experienced this with my youngest in baby groups. I was lucky to find one friend to be honest and vulnerable with as it can be such a minefield during transitional phases like weaning, walking, potty training etc.

She is going to use a plastic spoon! Surely she should be hand whittling one from an organically grown on a ley line native heritage tree ?

I used to work with someone like that, her kids were notorious for inhaling junk food at parties….. it was like watching human hoovers .

Lol she’s in for a ride! Ignore her!

Started with feeding my ds only veg, he has never eaten broccoli. We even did BLW yet at 16 months he is a super picky eater and just nit picks little bits and bobs. Chips and yogurt and fruit shoot are the only things he will touch, not even water. My point is whatever you do, keep at it, I personally think the child will eventually do what they want to do!

Oh dear. Tell her to come back to you when her child is 10 and see how he / she is getting on with their diet and if they have ever friend Icecream.
She is incredibly naïve and a newbie to parenting. I would just smile and nod and say ‘oh really, ok’. She will feel embarrassed in future years if she remembers what she’s said to you.

Hmmm first child, 6 months old 😀. Let’s see if she’s as judgemental when she’s on baby number 3.

I have 3 children. First child is like a crack addict for sugar!! Second child doesn’t like/eat sweets/cakes/biscuits, she would rather have an orange/banana/melon. Third child is somewhere in the middle.

All three weaned the same way, introduced to veg and fruit at the same stage. All three very different!

Pa ha ha! Bless her. She is clueless.

My 8 month old has tried the occasional bit of chocolate and cake. Your friend would probably explode if she met me!

''She asked if the {Spoon} was ok because it was metal?''

What planet is your friend on?!

Of course a metal spoon is ok..Silver can sometimes have a funny taste compared to stainless steel, as it reacts to acids in some foods, but what does she want you to do?
Feed your baby from a wooden spoon ?

Ignore her, and carry on weaning as you are doing. :)

I’m inwardly cringing at some of the stuff I have said as a new mum 😂.

@locomelons
My adoptive mum was very down on all sweet stuff and cakes...So it gave these sweets a huge ''Worth''.
I was allowed fruit, but not sweets.

I still get an illicit thrill opening a Bueno bar or orange aero as someone well into middle age..
My own son was never restricted on sweets or sweet things, and actually doesn't like them {He's a man now}

I do think if certain edibles are considered ''Bad'', it increases their 'Worth' to the child.

😂😂😂 I’ve had years of endless entertainment listening to people passing on their expertise in situations of which they have no experience.
I’m sure that 100% of new mums swear that their child will never have a pink bedroom, eat sweets, play with guns etc etc. It doesn’t stop with babies or toddlers either. Those kids get be teenagers, and their parents swear that their kids would never touch alcohol, smoke, swear, try any form of drugs.

Just concentrate of doing what you feel is best for your children, and ignore anyone who judges you for it.

She can do what she wants but her baby may not play ball. I did everything perfectly aligned with guidance with my first, only veggies at first, everything home made and organic, no biscuit or cake etc passed his lips but it meant nothing as he was the fussiest eating toddler you can imagine, add in him having food allergies and it was a nightmare, I would have given him anything just to get him to bloody eat! He is still a fussy eater at 9.

With my second I was a lot more 'fuck it' , she had everything. She is 6 now and has recently become and incredibly fussy eater, hardly likes anything. I know its a phase but it is so hard.

Guidance etc. all great yeah but frankly her child will not care one jot about the guidance.

I know someone like with this food re their first and it’s cringe AF. They will learn!!!

i don’t like dummies or use them but I would never ever let on to any of my friends that do because it would make them feel bad! Dick move on her part.

OP, you are an experienced mum; if you took notice of every other mum’s views on rearing DC you’d go mad!

Put a picture of your baby eating a mcdonald’s and a having a bottle of coke on social media. That will get her heckles up!
Ignore her. Those sort of people will always be around and will make you laugh one day.