Feel a bit judged by this mum

[locomelons]

I have a 3 year old DS and a 6 month old DD. I have met a mum who has a 6 month old DD as well.

We go for coffee sometimes.

Recently the topic of weaning came up and I showed her a video of me feeding my first baby his first few mouthfuls from a silver spoon. She remarked if that was OK, because it was metal. I have plastic spoons as well, but this particular time I used this silver spoon that was gifted to us. No harm done. Minor comment.

Then it came up again and she said how she was going to do all the baby led weaning stuff and absolutely no way any fruits until all veggies had been tried. All this stuff about it being so unhealthy etc, to let your baby try an apple first is wrong.

I weaned my first successfully with a slightly different approach. I didn't do baby led weaning and also started with baby rice and fruit and then slowly onto other stuff. I can say that my first baby definitely didn't prefer sweet stuff or anything. I've tried a similar approach with my second and actually, she prefers veggies at the moment and tends to eat more and be more eager on broccoli, rather than banana.

My friend was again pointing out how that's not how you should wean etc. it's better to do all the veggies etc. she fears her DD will grow up and only want to eat junk food. I said I think it's normal for me, once they're toddlers, that they have the occasional ice cream and treats, in moderation. She's seen my older son eat ice-cream when she went out for a meal. So she said, well if you don't even let them try it, then they won't know it. Like how goes XX know he loves ice cream so much, you must have let him try it at some point ?

It's minor, but I didn't really appreciate it and now feel a bit self conscious about what I give my older son in front of her. I understand her point, but I really think for my children, they'll be allowed to have occasional treats and it's completely OK. I'm not going to deprive them of this stuff, as it sounds like she plans to. I'm not judging her approach, but she's judging mine, I feel.

First world problem of course, which doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things at all.

I didn’t want to follow your approach. DT’s were weaned on pouches and jars - didn’t want the mess of BLW. Some days they ate more sweet food and others more savoury
Both have grown up eating everything with a healthy weight. There is no right or wrong - different ways work for different families.

Actually for some babies it is necessary to spoon feed puree.

Perhaps jog on with your judgemental attitudes

Well I guess I'm in the minority here but I don't think the mums comments were judgemental. Sounds to me like she's just having conversations about current best practices in weaning with another mum-friend and trying to understand the OP's approach as she figures out her own strategy. I wouldn't fall out with her over anything she's said personally.

There isn’t a best practice as babies don’t read the manual - what works with one baby, won’t with another.

@Parker231 do you dismiss guidance around safe sleeping too, on that basis? Or brushing baby teeth? Or cleanliness when changing a nappy?

There certainly is best practice around weaning. E.g. Introducing allergens. Making sure they don't choke. Etc. The guidelines change over time and no doubt the current advice has errors in it, but all the same it's possible to draw some conclusions to give your child a good start in life. That doesn't preclude tailoring your approach based on individual need either (for example, early introduction of allergens for those most at risk).

staying out of nursery to avoid all the nasty food they’ll eat and end up fat?? Your mate sounds like she has some kind of disordered eating - this is a rather unusual fear I would say….

@Lilgamesh2 - we follow the common sense approach - no two babies are the same. It’s worked for us.

I wouldn't fall out or feel judged. She sounds like it's her first and she's read the Gina Ford book cover to cover. It will probably do her food to have a down to earth friend like you and she can remember all this when her kid is on a cake high at a party

@Parker231 that's fair enough and I'm sure it does work for you.

I just feel a little bad for this woman who is probably trying to figure it all out as a first time mum and talk it through with a more experienced friend. Lots of people in this thread are assuming that her comments are badly intended and judgemental but I think it's more likely that she's trying to educate herself to do what's right for her baby, than that she's trying to drag the OP down.

Also some new parents can be quite literal and read one book and take that to be “the right” way. Some are slower to learn that it’s all shades of grey.

Actually I have found that by the teen years most parents are way more empathetic and less competitive than when they have tiny kids. We all know we are one phone call from school away from disaster. I met a mum I hadn’t seen for years friend of a friend with same age girls. Remember her being quite competitive with her toddlers. When I asked how they were now “bloody nightmare” cue 40 minutes bonding about parenting teen girls.

That NHS advice that you link to says: "You can start weaning with single vegetables and fruits – try blended, mashed, or soft cooked sticks of parsnip, broccoli, potato, yam, sweet potato, carrot, apple or pear. You could also try baby rice mixed with your baby's usual milk." So... purees?

If the early introduction of allergens was such a failsafe method @Lilgamesh2 , then bottle fed babies would never develop cmp allergy. With this, as with all advice, there are complications and exceptions and only an idiot would apply it uniformly and without question or engaging their brain.

@Untitledsquatboulder Except no allergist would say that it is a fail safe, so I'm not sure what you think you're disagreeing with. It's just supposed to reduce the risk, that's all.

Aw bless. You’re always so wise when it’s your first and you’ve read ALL the books… just give it a few months…

I am quite progressive in most areas but I think BLW is the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever come across.

@89redballoons

"or soft cooked sticks of parsnip, broccoli, potato, yam, sweet potato, carrot, apple or pear."

Also, www.nhs.uk/start4life/weaning/recipes-and-meal-ideas/

Well, you're entitled to your opinion, even though it's completely wrong.

@Twizbe

"Actually for some babies it is necessary to spoon feed puree."

I'd love to read the peer reviewed studies that show this.

I'll wait.

@MarvellousMonsters I can only talk for my son who had medical issues with weight and allergies.

We were advised by our medical team to not do BLW. Not least because we had to start at 4 months and BLW isn't suitable before the age of 6 months.

I think it's the evangelical nature of some parents about it.

It's the next breast vs bottle situation for some people.

I've got no issues at all with BLW but you can't quote half a sentence as it changes the context. What it actually says is:

"You can start weaning with single vegetables and fruits – try blended, mashed, or soft cooked sticks of parsnip, broccoli, potato, yam, sweet potato, carrot, apple or pear. You could also try baby rice mixed with your baby's usual milk."

So it's suggesting purees or veggies that have been cooked until very soft.

I've got twins who were very premature and under the c/o the paediatric team, with particular concerns around DD at the time. At 6m, they weren't showing the signs that they were ready for weaning - like reaching out and grabbing foods etc and they were absolutely tiny so high chairs were impossible. They also weren't sitting up properly. They've since been diagnosed with SEN but we didn't know at the time.

I remember it being an absolute nightmare at the time with no one really quite sure how to approach it. The health visitor was no help. The paediatrician wanted them weaned so suggested spooned purees, plus baby rice. DD basically needed to get her weight up and was just snacking on milk. With BLW there can be a bit of weight loss for a while and that would have been disastrous for DD. We moved onto BLW when we could but our journey was a bit of a mismatch of everything as their development was completely different to expected.

@MarvellousMonsters are you a paediatric dietician (well actually I know you're not or you wouldn't be talking such twaddle)? You're just a insecure person with one very industrious insect in your cranium. If your child is thriving w blw then that's great, you don't need everyone else to be doing things your way to justify your decisions. Relax.

Honestly I think BLW is great and I do recommend it to others but the way some people harp on about it like it is some kind of holy grail is bizarre and really off putting for many. The inability to understand that others make different choices be it because they have been medically advised to use purees(for a baby with a cleft palate as an example) or simply because it’s an option they are happier with is really odd.

@MarvellousMonsters yes - as PP pointed out, the key word there is "or". The NHS website recommends mainly sweetish-tasting, soft fruit and veg as very first foods, either in mash or purée form or served as finger foods.

In the suggested recipes for 6 month old babies there is a mixture of mash type recipes (apple and blueberry stew, root veg mash, smashed avocado and banana) and finger foods (falafel, toast fingers, chicken strips), and a mixture of sweet and savoury flavours.

So it doesn't really seem like the NHS suggests just BLW or just purées. I've weaned two babies now and I normally just give them a bit of what I'm cooking, either cut up to a safe size for him to pick up, or mashed/puréed from a spoon. If out and about or whatever then maybe he'll have something from a jar or packet 😱 most people I know seem to do the same, but online people are oddly evangelical about BLW.

I’m the opposite - if anyone asked (don’t think they did - not something we would bother to talk about) - I’d recommend spoon feeding pouches and jars because it’s easy without the mess of BLW.