Husband went to a lap dancing club as part of stag do and had private dance

[Koala34]

So my husband went on a stag do and went to a lap dancing club and had a private dance which he says his friend paid for. He said he thought I wouldn’t mind (!) We have 2 children one being 4 months old. I feel devastated and I’m not sure how I can get over it. What would you do? I just can’t get the image out of my head. I wish I was ok with it but feel like he’s crossed a line.

I know it's too late now and I'm sorry, but he should have found out what your hard stops were before he went. He's been honest immediately, but only you know if that's enough for you.

Where do people get this shite from? We are ALL human beings, our primary sense is our vision in both males and females. Primary senses do not vary depending on sex in any species. What you’re doing is parroting excuses men use to justify their sexual entitlement.

I am sorry to ask again, but what does DP mean?

Is it the person himself? Like "Derek Patterson" or "Dwayne Philpott"?

It can't mean "dear parent", can it?

Dat Pa? Or is it local slang?

Women are not inherently visual like men are. Women are perfectly capable of seeing a sexy man stripping as just fun/entertainment and not get a sexual response from it, whereas men would pretty much get something sexual out of it every time.

I'll rephrase - Women are not inherent visual creatures like men are.

What lol? How is it not? It’s a direct response to what you said.

@KAYMACK ‘dear partner’ so unmarried couple www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms

Yes they are, because just like men, women are human and our primary sense is our vision. In fact we also have better peripheral vision than men, why would that be if our primary sense is what? Smell? Hearing? What did you think it was for women?

If my dh had a naked/semi woman give him a lap dance it would be the end, whether he had paid for it or not is immaterial, it crosses a line. I don't understand how we have gotten to a place as a society where it is remotely acceptable for women to be entertainment for sleazy men who want sexual kicks outside of their relationship.

Obviously women see attractive features in men FFS, but men are MUCH more visual than women are. I'm not saying all women are blind, just that men are inherently visual creatures in a way that women are not.

Hmmm, my husband on his stag do got taken to a lap dancing club. He knows that I’m not comfortable with him going out with his friends as there’s been some very dubious stories about the others and not being faithful. However, I have never trusted anyone like him and can certainly say I 100% trust him.

He told me about it the following morning and I was completely shocked when he told me that they get their “downstairs” out and had it inches from his face 🤢. I was incredibly uncomfortable with knowing this (I’m a bit of a prude anyway - just to add). I must admit even now it turns my stomach but I couldn’t believe that he actually told me, in the strangest way I was actually flattered that he did as would have been so easy not to say anything. He knew I wasn’t happy and said that he’s not interested in anything like that and wouldn’t go again.

I think it’s all up to you, how you feel and if you think it’s something you can get over. The way you feel is not wrong at all.

For me, as much as I didn’t like it, I know it was his friends that pushed him into it and I know that he has never and would never do anything behind my back. I also know that he wouldn’t go again. X

This is so untrue.

Which part?

Right and you have scientific proof to back this claim up do you? What do you think women’s primary sense is? Why would it differ between the sexes when it doesn’t in any other species? Why do women have better peripheral vision than men, when apparently vision in not women’s primary sense? Please do explain.

Or, just for one second, consider that you’re parroting utter nonsense pushed by men.

This would not be an issue for me but it’s ok that it’s an issue for you.

However, he was not to know that this would cause you so much upset so you cannot blame him for it either.

I would just tell him how you feel and ask him not to do it again.

You can’t do much about the images in your head but I think if you think about how he didn’t do it intentionally to hurt you, it might help a bit.

That men are not capable of it and women are. It’s just your own insecurities shining through.

Sorry I don't think we're on the same page here. When I say men are visual creatures I mean in terms of viewing women sexually. I'm not saying men have better eyesight than women.

I thought you wanted to have a discussion here? Weren't you complaining about insults and personal attacks earlier but now you're doing the exact same thing?

Again, bullshit.

Cause she didn't think he'd do that??

Sorry, I apologise if that came across as personal, I’m not sure of a kind way to say you’re projecting. Insulting you was not my intention though.

And yet you and others can't seem to explain why or how it's 'bullshit'.

Women are not inherently visual like men are. Women are perfectly capable of seeing a sexy man stripping as just fun/entertainment and not get a sexual response from it, whereas men would pretty much get something sexual out of it every time.

Depends entirely on the person.

Right, well if you’re talking about what turns men on and what turns women on, that’s a completely different thing. I think that’s a hard one to judge though seeing as women’s sexuality has been controlled by men throughout most of our history. They used to put us in institutions for even having an orgasm! Even now, women’s sexuality is being influenced by porn made for men, so who truly knows?

Suggesting men are visual creatures and women aren’t though, is unscientific rubbish. It’s like suggesting male dogs have smell as their primary sense, but female dogs don’t, it’s nonsense.

I already did. I’m not going downstairs, getting my laptop out and trawling through my bookmarks to find the science to appease you. I already KNOW.