Nosy friend with finances

[LololaLo2012]

My DH is very fortunate to have CEO level job with good salary. He has worked hard to get to where his is, has to work many hours and take trips away most weeks.

I work part time as we have 3 children 6, 5 and 2. My money that I earn is my own and for the kids/extra food after the main shop/myself.

I am just going to state and reiterate that we are in a very fortunate position and I am very grateful. Neither of us grew up as financially comfortable. My mum was a single mum, husband dad was a teacher and mum stayed home)
The kids don’t go without anything, we can afford days out/holidays/decent clothes/x2 cars. Live in a semi detached x4 bed house.
We are not fancy people or materialistic.

I have this friend “Anna” that constantly comments on anything and everything we have.
Like:
how do you afford 2 cars such big fancy cars?
Please don’t tell me you pay £xx amount to go to this gym? (As she is sat in the softplay for free with her children)
Why don’t you claim children benefit again? (I have repeatedly told her nicely and brushing it of almost as not to come across like a bitch - my husband is over the salary threshold)
Why didn’t your daughter do 30 hours at preschool? (Again, nicely, you can only do 15 hours over the threshold)
How much did you spend on your kitchen again?
You do a clothes order from Zara for the kids???
comments on our friends car (same as mine) how much did they pay for that?
Questioning me on how our friend took their 3 children to Disney Paris and the cost?
She alway comments when my husband is “working late” or “working away” as she puts it. Commenting on me having to deal with the kids alone and he needs to pull his weight and help (I’m fine, he has to work these hours. More money comes more responsibly 🤷‍♀️)

So today.. this is why I’m pissed off. I know before anyone says - whatever, get over it! I know I’m just annoyed and I know there are more important things in the world going on!!!

I spoke to “Anna” about my sons Frog for his birthday a couple of days ago just casually as I got a good deal secondhand.
We brought him a secondhand Frog bike £190 vs £380 new.

I found out that “Anna” has been speaking to a mutual friend “Jane” of ours about me and the Frog bike.
“what bike will you get “Sam” this Christmas… not one of those fancy and stupidity expensive Frog bikes” she was trying to get a reaction out of my Jane and Jane felt like “Anna” wanted a “yeah it is a really fancy and expensive bike for a child” Jane did not take the bait, and is actually thinking of getting her son in too!

”Anna” then went on to talk out my friends new car and how much it costs and your husband must be on a good wage! “Jane” was shocked at her basically trying to get out of her how much her husband earns!

I don’t know or want to know “Annas ”financial situation. She works part time and her husband works and they seem to be doing ok? X2 Okish cars, Kids do after school activities, nice clothes and days out and holidays! So I’m a bit shocked that she’s like this at times.

I just ignore her on the whole, it’s more the talking behind my back that I don’t like - but today I just felt a little sad that maybe our friendship isn’t as I thought.
Any advice?

Lottery win, drug dealing, porn. I’ve seen it all 😂

I agree. Why would you be "held accountable" (as you describe it) if you bought cleaning stuff from B&M from the joint account? It's a household essential, why would you, as an adult woman, not be trusted to do that. It's bizarre that you feel you have to do it with your personal money?

Same goes for the sandwich.

I haven’t read all the comments that people have left.

We’ve all had “friends” like this in our lifetime and now I’ve realised just play them at their own game.

if she is questioning you about someone’s car, say nothing, ask them how much their car is to run.

if you keep turning it back on them, it won’t be long before you realise what her situation is which is probably living to their means possibly over and that’s why they are so worried what everyone else has.

Your husband has worked hard, and it sounds like you know the value of a pound - it’s not always what you earn - it’s how you spend it.

Not gonna lie...would do all three if it gets me the same lifestyle 😅
Maybe time to get googling!

*so I don’t have to “ask” every time I wanted to do something.

OK now THATS weird. Asking to spend family money?

You say your dh isn't financially abusive but you wouldn't like to have to ask to buy a bloody sandwich at Aldi, why would you have to ask, wouldn't you have a joint account? I don't know OP, everyone does things differently it sounds very like you and your dh do not have a joint account, there's just something in your posts that suggests this is your dh's wealth and your lack of access to it your friend is questioning. Are you expected to pay your "fair share" in buying the extras like top-up food and cleaning material in B&M? Does your friend think you are being financially abused?

Yes was going to say this! We are over the threshold and do this.

Is this thread being drip fed?

My DH earns well and I also work (lower salary, but still decent). We don't strictly 'need' my salary, but I value my career and the financial freedom it gives me.

When I buy a sandwich for lunch or cleaning products, I do it on the joint account. And I don't get held "accountable" or questioned on it. Ever.

I agree that what the OP says about being glad she can buy cleaning stuff without any questions is weird in a household where funds are not tight.

People keep saying this, but the OP works. she is getting NI credits from her earnings, she doesn't need to claim CB.

To make it very clear my husband is in no way financially abusive.

I just just use my own account when I buy stuff just for me! Like my own lunch but if I put it on the joint account my husband wouldn’t be having words with me!! Same with cleaning stuff I’m just in there buying I don’t know - presents for children’s parties and I pick up a bottle of flash! All of which I could put on the joint account I just don’t. That the way in works for us.

not that need to explain myself - both me and husband have personal accounts and a joint account with equal access to. The joint account is to pay bills, mortgage, food, household items etc… to which I contribute £0. I wouldn’t expect my husband to pay for his trip to the pub from the JA, even though he earns enough to coving living expenses we still have a budget per month. So if I went around and brought lunch everyday we would be short on direct debits going out.

This OP wasn’t about my actual financial situation I just gave background as to help get my main point of my friend asking me rude questions!

Surely your DH gives you money?

@TomTraubertsBlues
same with my job, lower salary but still decent, and not “needed”. Also, love my job as I’m please I can work in the industry I trained in part time and keep myself in the game so to speak. Once the kids are older I can work more hours.

I didn’t mean I get personal held accountable just a general sense of where the money is going it still has to be taken into account.

funds are not tide but not endless

I don't understand if you bought a sandwich in Aldi every day - you'd be short at the end of the week - what kind of CEO-level job does he have, it doesn't seem to pay well. You know CEOs are on £200k plus - and that's a very small business. None of this sounds right? I'm really not sure what's going on here.
BTW - you are telling us this stuff - you don't want to discuss stuff I get that - but don't post about it.

I also don't get it. Your husband is a CEO and you earn a respectable salary, but your joint account might be short if you buy sandwiches?! And why doesn't your normal budget include a basic like cleaning products?

Can you see how that doesn't stack up? Having to think about, and budget for, food and cleaning products is not normal for a high income family.

It might be with 3 lots of school fees a £1m mortgage….

not seeing it, nor is OP

Maybe, but if the OP had a £1m mortgage (and house to go with it) and 3 kids in private school then her wealth wouldnt be a mystery to her friend.

@Firethrice
I telling you because you are pretty much accusing my loving husband of being financially abusive. That’s not a nice thing to hear about my DH who is nothing but a really nice guy.

No, we would be short, but x amount goes in JA

like I’ve said before that’s how we work things. Everyone is different. I simply get myself the simple everyday thing. But for you it would only be ok if I was buying handbags and cosmetic surgery or on luxuries only. I really don’t have want or need for fancy things - and that’s my choice not my husbands before you thinking I’m not allowed.

This thread is peppered by hints about how much the OP’s husband earns. I can’t help but think everyone in the OP’s story is obsessed with money and how much they’ve got/don’t have.

I mean - No, we wouldn’t be short if I just brought sandwiches everyday.

I meant x amount goes in to the JA and x comes out. All is accountable for.

Tell her that you find talking about money vulgar.

Why are you friends? This sounds really irritating.

@Firethrice
I just checked Glassdoor as I really didn’t know the average salary for a CEO. Maybe you should have done the same.

Believe me if my DH earned 200k I wouldn’t be going to B&M in the first place for cleaning products - I would send the maid 😂

Hi Op

i think where some people are getting confused is the way you are explaining things on here.

I think I understand where you are coming from.

I get paid every Friday and love it. Mr McDuckling goes to the cash point, fills the car up if he has it, gets the bits out of the supermarket that’s on the list for the weekend, puts the cash in the ‘house kitty’, and we each get our ‘pocket money’.

His money which is paid monthly, actually goes into my account, he changed that, as I get interest on my current account. We know how much our bills are, and how we work our finances works for us.

Cars don’t interest me as long as they go - we have an 18 year old beetle, my recently purchased washing machine cost £169 and it works exceptionally well.

Where I live now (it’s only a mile or so down the road) is a world away from where I grew up, and I did find it difficult when “friends” asked “how can u afford this house”, they didn’t want to hear, no new cars, me working nights and Mr working days, they want to sit in the pub telling everyone, no one is as hard done by they are,

I was lucky to have a little cash in hand job cleaning the local pub. The Landlord knew everything about everyone, and yet no one really knew anything about him. He was a master at deflection 😉

Whether or not you consider yourself to be materialistic, you come across as deeply materialistic.
And anyway, what's the big deal about talking about money? Why be so hoity toity and superior about it? Honestly you come across as very judgmental.