Those not wanting children, what’s your plan for old age?

[Katelyn88]

before people pounce on me:
I do NOT expect my children to be my carers, but I expect my children to ARRANGE care and keep an eye on the quality of care and finances.

Those not wanting children - who will supervise your care and finances when you are too weak/forgetful ?

It’s a genuine question. My parents both looked after their parents. Granny lived with us until she passed away. Me and my sister live within 5 miles from parents and inlaws live around the corner from BIL. I have no idea how childless people manage.

Half the people I know including myself don't speak to one of their parents plus one friend died young so it's no way near a solid plan.

Who knows what state the world will be in by then? Social care will probably have been completely decimated so like PPs I will probably have some sort of DNR/living will/Dignitas arrangement.

I worked with the elderly for many years. Sometimes elderly people fall into the pattern of saying ‘ask my daughter’ (it’s always the daughter rarely the son) It’s like the daughter has become the mother and they can’t be bothered to think for themselves. Every responsibility, every task is handed to the children and this could be from parents who had held responsible positions in their lives. Conversely the child free elderly seem better able to make their own decisions and stand up for what they wanted. I saw a lot of resentment from adult children and a lot of fighting between adult siblings. I saw a lot of bewildered elderly people who couldn’t understand why their kids could not drop everything for them. Old age can make some people childlike and demanding. Having children does not mean you don’t have to worry. What is good is having an advocate who will stand up for you and check on your well being but probably doesn’t feel guilt tripped like an adult child does and won’t feel the resentment if a sibling isn’t pulling their weight. .

Sipping G n T's in Barbados. What's yours?

👍😁

😂 this made me laugh (even in between nappy changes). It’s a pretty bizarre thread isn’t it.

I'm always astounded when these types of threads come up with all the people being martyrs and saying they expect nothing of their children at all once they are adults.

If you've done your best as a parent and sacrificed for them and raised half decent humans then of course that relationship goes both ways. It's possible for your children to have a life of their own and still value their parents.

I don't believe the posters who say they'll off themselves at the first sign of old age either. The will to live is strong.

I would like to ‘like’ this post!

We have secure financial plans to pay for care, should it be necessary. Although we will likely not need it as we have another plan.

@Yessha Power of attourney arrangements with solicitors, friends & siblings should my mind fail before my pension, savings, investments and retirement plans ensure I’m set til the end. Planning for live in care after downsizing.

Yes, this. I have already considerably downsized, now I am drawing my state pension. I have POA spread between friends/relatives and my son. I live in a different country and have no intention to return to UK. God forbid I would throw myself onto UK social services in, say, 15 years time ! My son is very grateful because he knows I am not leaving him (and his wife) with a huge burden to sort out, I have reduced my possessions to a bare minimum already. All the important (to me) stuff has been taken care of. Dying with dignity is not an option in this country, but there are means….plus live in care much cheaper and pretty much a fact of ‘life’ here. Forward planning is the way forward !

I don't know I think
About it all
The time

There is no guarantee that family members who are carers won't steal but the risk of an outsider carer stealing is much higher. I believe that some of these people are predators and look for old people who are losing their faculties with no close relatives who visit to prey on their assets. Even if they do not steal, you cannot trust their care either.

I have no answer.

My DM steadfastly refused any assistance at all, and resisted any interference until a week before she died.

I intend to do the same. She was perfectly happy living on her own and I hope I shall be the same. 😊

I do NOT expect my children to be my carers, but I expect my children to ARRANGE care and keep an eye on the quality of care and finances What will you do if they say no? What’s your plan B if they don’t want to because they’re too busy with their own families? Or because they’ve decided to concentrate on their career and simply don’t have time to hunt around for the best energy provider or make sure your carers aren’t dipping into your pension? I mean, if you’re putting all of your eggs into one basket and all of your expectations onto another person, and they’ve made their own plans, that’s going to be quite a bit of turmoil for you to deal with when you’re already starting to deteriorate. That would terrify me; aren’t you worrying about it?

With all the money I'll have saved on nappies, childcare, food, education, I'll be stinking rich of course

I will be well worth looking after for inheritance purposes. Might even be worth bumping off early!!

Your kids might even see looking after me as a more rewarding option!!!

What a shitty question to add to the numerous childfree bashing threads today.

As soon as my health takes a nasty turn I'm off to Switzerland. I've no interest in being washed/fed etc.

How do you know they will be able to? They may not be in the same country, be able to themselves or things may change where they don’t for whatever reason want to. Don’t mean to be negative but nothing is a full fine conclusion. I’d make sure you plan for your own care with POA’s etc before assuming they’ll just step in.

My dad lives in Lancashire, I'm in Wolverhampton, my brother is in Cornwall.

My dad is still fit and healthy and doesn't have a carer or even a cleaner he does send his ironing out to be done.

He has no expectation of us caring for him or arranging care.

Why do people think being childfree is some new thing? There have always been women who don't have children - it's not so long ago that if it didn't happen naturally then it didn't happen at all, and not everyone adopted children. Somehow those people with no children managed in the past, I daresay they will manage in the future.

'I have no idea how childless people manage'?! Really?! That's a little shortsighted and offensive. Some of us have had no choice but to live our lives without children for various reasons, and before the "why are you on Mumsnet' voices jump in - because I can, because I'm interested, because my partner, my friends, my siblings have kids, and I try to find ways to be more understanding and thoughtful with their parenting issues. Step in Mumsnet.
Without children, you manage just fine, you make arrangements for your own old age in advance, you ensure that your finances are in order at all times, you (in my case) silently grieve for something you never had, and hope that others around you are understanding. I'm assuming the op doesn't have any 'childless' friends, if you did, you should have ran this past them before posting.

@PurpleWisteria1 well that's why I'm getting it put in the hospital record too. I do trust my current GP but of course he'll almost certainly be retired by the time this is relevant. I also trust the palliative care team once I can get to them.

Not sure what you think we do in the NHS all day long. I do know the outcome can be profoundly shit but that isn't the aim nor in fact always the staff's fault. I have these discussions most days and I know the difference between cases where the patient has made their wishes clear and the ones that haven't ever got around to writing it down.

Yes, without a question if there are no immigration issues

This is the most sensible post on this thread! The number of people who think it’s all in their control is unbelievable! they seem to look down up on people who depend on their children for support. It’s not a choice!!

Lol. There will be. And health care issues. I can't get my mum to where I am, assuming she wanted to uproot her entire life and come. Neither can my sibling. There aren't visas for the elderly.

I haven't read the thread but wanted to point this out for people who don't have kids.

I have worked in Adult Social Care for years and we have a not insignificant number of people who don't talk to their kids. We also have a not insignificant number of people (both with and without kids) who are supported by neices/nephews, great neices/nephews, children of friends and neighbours. The children of friends and neighbours are much more frequent than you would imagine. Why does this happen? Usually they are good people who made meaningful relationships.

Also me and my siblings support my childless great aunt and uncle until their deaths. It made no difference to me that they were not our grandparents, I adored them and miss them every day.