Those not wanting children, what’s your plan for old age?

[Katelyn88]

before people pounce on me:
I do NOT expect my children to be my carers, but I expect my children to ARRANGE care and keep an eye on the quality of care and finances.

Those not wanting children - who will supervise your care and finances when you are too weak/forgetful ?

It’s a genuine question. My parents both looked after their parents. Granny lived with us until she passed away. Me and my sister live within 5 miles from parents and inlaws live around the corner from BIL. I have no idea how childless people manage.

It’s the highest cause of death in the UK now. And will continue to rise with increased expectancy. It’s the scourge of the developed world

It accounts for 13% of deaths (ignoring Covid). That's largely because it's a catch-all diagnosis, whereas every individual type of cancer will be listed separately. Many more people (over 1:4) die of cancer.

Because our population is ageing, the absolute number of people with dementia is rising, but the risk of each individual getting it is falling. The rate of dementia has fallen 13% over the last 30 years despite greater awareness of the diagnosis link.

Dementia is a horrible disease, but, contrary to received wisdom on MN, most older people never develop it.

I am responsible for my children. They are NOT responsible for me.

Also from the Alzheimer’s Society website

The number of people with dementia in the UK is forecast to increase to over 1 million by 2021 and over 2 million by 2051. This is a worse case scenario, under an assumption that there are no public health interventions and changes are driven by an ageing population alone.

Minimising the risk is doing nobody any favours, particularly if it means people are relying on arranging their own care.

I'm confused. What you posted seemed to agree with who you quoted.

I don't have a plan. I am baffled by your assumption that your kids might look after you, in all honesty. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. It's not something you should be 'planning' on happening in any case.

Currently 1/3 of people get dementia. This is expected to rise and by the time someone in their 30’s/ 40’s reaches old age this could be half of all people getting dementia. You may literally have a 50/50 chance. If you fall into the unlucky 50% then sorry, you won’t be dealing with any care arrangements. So yes, unless a cure of found it’s going to be fairly likely that you will develop dementia. Not sure if many people on this thread have care for/ have personal experience with dementia of a loved one. Some of you are living in cloud cuckoo land. Reminds me people before they have their first child saying that children won’t change them and that they are going to carry on with their lives exactly the same as before with their 1 week old.

You are misunderstanding the statistics, and confusing the prevalence (total number of people in the population with a disease) with the incidence (risk of each individual getting it).

Dementia, like many other diseases (cancer, ischaemic heart disease etc), mainly affects older people. So, if more people live longer, you are bound to get more people in the population with the disease, unless you find a way of preventing it in the first place.

However, this does mean that the risk of dementia for each individual is rising. In fact, it is falling - probably largely due to a decline in smoking, which is a huge risk factor for vascular dementia.

You are also wrong to say that 1:3 people have dementia. The Alzheimer's Society is predicting that 1:3 babies born today will develop dementia during their lifetimes. This is a prediction based on the assumption that babies born today will live (on average) to a very old age, and that no treatments will be developed to prevent dementia before they become old. At present, 1:14 people over 65 have dementia.

When I get old Im going to lie on my bed bemoaning that I never knew real love (having not had kids) before dying of selfishness and lack of purpose in my life, if the other childless thread is anything to go by.

My last thought will probably be wondering why I came on mumsnet since I’m not a parent.

However, this does mean that the risk of dementia for each individual is rising

However, this doesn't mean that the risk of dementia for each individual is rising - cognitive lapse 😉

When I get old Im going to lie on my bed bemoaning that I never knew real love (having not had kids) before dying of selfishness and lack of purpose in my life

@BadLad

My last thought will probably be wondering why I came on mumsnet since I’m not a parent

Hopefully you will retain a last vestige of strength, to crawl to the loo and chuck out your toilet brush, before the undertaker sees it..

I'm not going to look because it sounds depressing.

It reminds me of when religious people maintain that you cannot have morals without religion.

Says much more about their morals than atheists.

I predict that in the future OPs children or in-laws will be on her moaning that they emigrated but OP followed them 😂

Having kids doesn't guarantee anything tbf, my mum had me, I will not be helping her in anyway, we're not in contact and never will be again.

Best is just to try and lead a healthy life, try and get a good pension, everything else is who knows what will happen.

I have plenty of money, I am a very fit and engaged 65 with a substantial pension since age 57 (early retirement + lump sum package) and a mortgage free home. I have lived alone since I moved out of the family home. I am so joyfully child free and always have been. My life, my choices, I do not have to negotiate anything in my life. I would not swop what I have and have always had for anything.

I have POA sorted, my two siblings will have power medically, care wise, and financially to make decisions if I am unable to. The power kicks in on the certification of two medical professionals caring for me.

My attorneys know my wishes, none of which involve direct care from them. And I have the ubiquitous advance directive. I have the means to be looked after independently. Children not required!

LOL.

Hope the police take their shoes off when they come in to take my body out.

Here’s hoping the police don’t dare use your toilet, without even asking your corpse’s permission, whilst they’re in there.

My mil needs extra help she’s only 72 but quite frail, her son my partner is only 32! She needs help with ‘big’ shopping, transport, lifting heavy things, organising her banking etc. Taking to appointments sometimes. Am amazed at all the people on here who are planning to off themselves the minute they need some assistance ?! You could be at that stage in your late 60s. It’s a bit offensive to suggest anyone needing some support should just go to dignitas and end it all

I plan on making power of attorney instructions well ahead of time and am planning financially for any possible care. I have a child, but I don’t want him to feel beholden to me if he wants to move overseas etc.

I’ve got an aging father and he’s seriously deluded if he thinks I’m looking after him in his dotage!

I don't know what people think power of attorney is. It's not what many people seem to think it is that's for sure.

@Blueeyedgirl21 They are living in cloud cuckoo land. Just like the singers who sang hope we die before we get old.

It’s a bit offensive to suggest anyone needing some support should just go to dignitas and end it all

It’s completely unrealistic too. Dignitas’ criteria are that you have a terminal condition with less than six months to live, have medical proof of that and are compos mentis. You can’t just trot off to Switzerland because you don’t fancy getting decrepit.

I have financial POA arrangements in place currently because I have business abroad. Most of the details about giving someone power of attorney are here: www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

The people I know who aged best and genuinely kept hold of their independence for as long as possible were childless.

And because they weren't running their adult children ragged with tasks they could probably manage themselves, they had friends who really wanted to - and did - help.

My Great Uncle Harry called me up when he was just shy of turning 90 with directions to buy some laminated wood chip, get them cut to his specifications at the wood cutters yard then deliver it to him.

He made himself a desk to fit inside his wardrobe for the computer he had just bought.

He then worked out how to use the computer and get his shopping delivered.

I didn't mind helping in the slightest because I knew that he was doing everything he could to stay independent and was kind and respectful.

In contrast, my Mother expected help and personal care from me from the age of 50 onwards. She was a whiny, needy, self-obsessed, joy sucking woman who now has next to no one left who actually wants to help her.

Maybe having children takes so much out of you that you've nothing left to cope when you're old?

I am not in UK but I know what a general poa is. I have what is called an ENDURING poa, that only activates on the certification of medical advice, meaning I would be demented/stroke victim etc. and unable to do so myself. It is a legal document that involved a lot of solicitor appointments, signing by all parties, and a certification from my doctor that I was aware what the legal document means, and that I am compos mentos and not co erced. It cost a thousand euro. Well worth it.