Page 15 | Those not wanting children, what’s your plan for old age?

CallieQ · 22/11/2022 10:53

Katelyn88 · 21/11/2022 20:49

before people pounce on me:
I do NOT expect my children to be my carers, but I expect my children to ARRANGE care and keep an eye on the quality of care and finances.

Those not wanting children - who will supervise your care and finances when you are too weak/forgetful ?

It’s a genuine question. My parents both looked after their parents. Granny lived with us until she passed away. Me and my sister live within 5 miles from parents and inlaws live around the corner from BIL. I have no idea how childless people manage.

No one knows how things will work out in the future do they? None of us lived 'round the corner' from our parents and my oldest son now lives in America. Do you think everyone is the same? Both my parents went too young and fairly quickly

CallieQ · 22/11/2022 10:55

@JaneFondue people can you slim fit and engaged with the world and still get cancer... amazing isn't it

JaneFondue · 22/11/2022 10:56

CallieQ · 22/11/2022 10:55

@JaneFondue people can you slim fit and engaged with the world and still get cancer... amazing isn't it

True. But one can only do so much. Still better than having children to serve as your care workers.

RashOfBees · 22/11/2022 10:57

Honestly? This worries me. I will do my bit for my parents in the knowledge that nobody will be doing it for me, and that is a bleak thought. I’m more worried about loneliness than anything.

But since absolutely nothing about raising children appeals, what to do? Apart from the sheer selfishness (and most likely futility) of bringing someone into the world for the sole purpose of caring for my future elderly self, I’d be guaranteeing my best years are lived in a way I don’t want to live them in order to try and stave off something that may never happen - or may happen even if I did have kids.

Changeyncchange · 22/11/2022 10:58

I'm confused at what "child free" means.

I thought it meant doesn't have children and is not planning to. Reading this thread it seems that it people think its actually a euphemism for "hermit".

Hdiw747 · 22/11/2022 10:58

@Seasidegirl5 exactly. Planning for old age - in practice - means everyone aged 60 moves into assisted living, gives over POA to someone and sorts out all their affairs. I have yet to meet anyone in their early 60s willing to do that. In practice, old age is often degenerative so you have to make sure you are all set when you are still young and fit. By the time you are not - it's too late.

Changeyncchange · 22/11/2022 11:04

RashOfBees · 22/11/2022 10:57

Honestly? This worries me. I will do my bit for my parents in the knowledge that nobody will be doing it for me, and that is a bleak thought. I’m more worried about loneliness than anything.

But since absolutely nothing about raising children appeals, what to do? Apart from the sheer selfishness (and most likely futility) of bringing someone into the world for the sole purpose of caring for my future elderly self, I’d be guaranteeing my best years are lived in a way I don’t want to live them in order to try and stave off something that may never happen - or may happen even if I did have kids.

Honestly you would be surprised at how many meaningful relationships you will continue to make throughout your life.

In my time working in adult social care I have encountered incredibly brilliant carers/advocates who are neighbours, children of friends and distant relatives. You name it and I've seen it. It's staggeringly rare that somebody will have nobody at all to provide some level of support and when it does happen its usually because of a multiple factors and not because they are child free.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/11/2022 11:04

Planning for old age - in practice - means everyone aged 60 moves into assisted living, gives over POA to someone and sorts out all their affairs. I have yet to meet anyone in their early 60s willing to do that. In practice, old age is often degenerative so you have to make sure you are all set when you are still young and fit. By the time you are not - it's too late

Some of the expectations of old age on this thread are absolutely barking. Of course, everyone slows down and becomes frailer. But most people do not get dementia. Three-quarters of people in their 80s live independently. The longer you live, the fewer years of ill-health you experience, on average (not as counter-intuitive as it seems - people with more health issues tend to die earlier).

We are all going to age and die, but not all of us are going to experience years of ill-health and dependence, as some posters seem to believe.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 22/11/2022 11:07

We are all going to age and die, but not all of us are going to experience years of ill-health and dependence, as some posters seem to believe.

The problem is you cannot predict which way things will go for you.

Changeyncchange · 22/11/2022 11:09

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/11/2022 11:04

Planning for old age - in practice - means everyone aged 60 moves into assisted living, gives over POA to someone and sorts out all their affairs. I have yet to meet anyone in their early 60s willing to do that. In practice, old age is often degenerative so you have to make sure you are all set when you are still young and fit. By the time you are not - it's too late

Some of the expectations of old age on this thread are absolutely barking. Of course, everyone slows down and becomes frailer. But most people do not get dementia. Three-quarters of people in their 80s live independently. The longer you live, the fewer years of ill-health you experience, on average (not as counter-intuitive as it seems - people with more health issues tend to die earlier).

We are all going to age and die, but not all of us are going to experience years of ill-health and dependence, as some posters seem to believe.

And those who do need support often only need minimal help. Somebody to shift furniture or sort out maintenance, maybe do or arrange the big shop. In other words things that most people don't mind doing for a friend or relative every now and again.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/11/2022 11:09

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 22/11/2022 11:07

We are all going to age and die, but not all of us are going to experience years of ill-health and dependence, as some posters seem to believe.

The problem is you cannot predict which way things will go for you.

Of course - but it would be barking mad - as well as egotistical in the extreme - to have DC to care for you in old age, when there is a good chance you won't even need their help.

Hdiw747 · 22/11/2022 11:12

Exactly, the problem is that no one knows. So to those who are adamant they are going to look after themselves, then we should start getting help before they are frail

Changeyncchange · 22/11/2022 11:14

Hdiw747 · 22/11/2022 11:12

Exactly, the problem is that no one knows. So to those who are adamant they are going to look after themselves, then we should start getting help before they are frail

Like what? You know "assisted living" often doesn't let you move in unless you are frail?

Health and Welfare POA is good to have but actually you are pretty well protected in law without it.

Financial POA is a must have but that is, obviously, only for finances.

EndlessRain · 22/11/2022 11:15

You can't predict how things can go. You can't help getting cancer or whatever. But you can take steps to prepare yourself with old age on the off chance you get there. It is only prudent to keep healthy and fit (as far as you can), to keep up to date with technology and socialising, to ensure you have your financial affairs in order.

And the vast majority of people are not fine and dandy one day and then wake up with dementia then next, there's an element of selfawareness required too.

RashOfBees · 22/11/2022 11:18

@Changeyncchange - thanks for the positive reply and I do have hope that this will be the case! My fears are based on me not being the most social person and not having a family beyond my parents (oh, and one sibling who really IS a hermit). I’m quite content now as I have a full social life based on hobbies and other activities, but worry that when I no longer have the energy for those, I may not have much contact with people. I do hope I won’t be alone, but I don’t fit into that mould a lot of childfree people seem to where they have masses of friends, godchildren and nieces and nephews. It’s a worry, but as I say I can’t live my life now on the basis of what might or might not happen when I’m elderly.

soulinablackberrypie · 22/11/2022 11:25

I have two adult DC, but I actively want to go into a care home if I have care needs when I'm older. Both my parents were in one towards the end of their lives and have very positive experiences. I would consider giving POA to someone other than my DC, not because I think they are particularly likely to get it wrong, but because I found having POA for my parents incredibly stressful and upsetting and I wouldn't wish that on someone I love. I'd rather choose someone who has a real gift for administration and I'd be willing to pay them.

People are not automatically suited to caring or making decisions for their relatives just because they are related. If anyone is relying on their DC to fill that role, be aware that it might not work out as you hope (I'm not saying it definitely won't).

RebulahConundrum · 22/11/2022 11:27

I'll have been killed in the wars that follow the imminent climate collapse. Problem solved.

Changeyncchange · 22/11/2022 11:27

RashOfBees · 22/11/2022 11:18

@Changeyncchange - thanks for the positive reply and I do have hope that this will be the case! My fears are based on me not being the most social person and not having a family beyond my parents (oh, and one sibling who really IS a hermit). I’m quite content now as I have a full social life based on hobbies and other activities, but worry that when I no longer have the energy for those, I may not have much contact with people. I do hope I won’t be alone, but I don’t fit into that mould a lot of childfree people seem to where they have masses of friends, godchildren and nieces and nephews. It’s a worry, but as I say I can’t live my life now on the basis of what might or might not happen when I’m elderly.

You're last line really is the bottom line (love a pun).

As many others have pointed out having children is no guarantee. They can move abroad or have their own needs or pass away or just be arseholes. There is no bullet proof plan for support. We all just hope for the best.

Changeyncchange · 22/11/2022 11:30

soulinablackberrypie · 22/11/2022 11:25

I have two adult DC, but I actively want to go into a care home if I have care needs when I'm older. Both my parents were in one towards the end of their lives and have very positive experiences. I would consider giving POA to someone other than my DC, not because I think they are particularly likely to get it wrong, but because I found having POA for my parents incredibly stressful and upsetting and I wouldn't wish that on someone I love. I'd rather choose someone who has a real gift for administration and I'd be willing to pay them.

People are not automatically suited to caring or making decisions for their relatives just because they are related. If anyone is relying on their DC to fill that role, be aware that it might not work out as you hope (I'm not saying it definitely won't).

There are actually companies and charities that do this.

Google "money management service appointeeship" if you don't add appointeeship you will just get debt companies and accountants.

Blossomtoes · 22/11/2022 12:12

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/11/2022 11:04

Planning for old age - in practice - means everyone aged 60 moves into assisted living, gives over POA to someone and sorts out all their affairs. I have yet to meet anyone in their early 60s willing to do that. In practice, old age is often degenerative so you have to make sure you are all set when you are still young and fit. By the time you are not - it's too late

Some of the expectations of old age on this thread are absolutely barking. Of course, everyone slows down and becomes frailer. But most people do not get dementia. Three-quarters of people in their 80s live independently. The longer you live, the fewer years of ill-health you experience, on average (not as counter-intuitive as it seems - people with more health issues tend to die earlier).

We are all going to age and die, but not all of us are going to experience years of ill-health and dependence, as some posters seem to believe.

But most people do not get dementia

It’s the highest cause of death in the UK now. And will continue to rise with increased expectancy. It’s the scourge of the developed world.

PurpleWisteria1 · 22/11/2022 12:15

CallieQ · 22/11/2022 10:55

@JaneFondue people can you slim fit and engaged with the world and still get cancer... amazing isn't it

But the chances of getting cancer or a number of other nasty life limiting diseases are greatly reduced if you are slim and active. Pretty obvious really.

Clarich007 · 22/11/2022 12:17

Well obviously, to me anyway, I wiill sort myself out. Hopefully i will be fit enough to do so. I have lived all my life childless, so what else would I do?

PurpleWisteria1 · 22/11/2022 12:18

EndlessRain · 22/11/2022 11:15

You can't predict how things can go. You can't help getting cancer or whatever. But you can take steps to prepare yourself with old age on the off chance you get there. It is only prudent to keep healthy and fit (as far as you can), to keep up to date with technology and socialising, to ensure you have your financial affairs in order.

And the vast majority of people are not fine and dandy one day and then wake up with dementia then next, there's an element of selfawareness required too.

For many people with dementia, you don’t realise you have it. And by the time it’s bad enough to need care it’s too late for the person to arrange anything.

PurpleWisteria1 · 22/11/2022 12:23

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/11/2022 11:04

Planning for old age - in practice - means everyone aged 60 moves into assisted living, gives over POA to someone and sorts out all their affairs. I have yet to meet anyone in their early 60s willing to do that. In practice, old age is often degenerative so you have to make sure you are all set when you are still young and fit. By the time you are not - it's too late

Some of the expectations of old age on this thread are absolutely barking. Of course, everyone slows down and becomes frailer. But most people do not get dementia. Three-quarters of people in their 80s live independently. The longer you live, the fewer years of ill-health you experience, on average (not as counter-intuitive as it seems - people with more health issues tend to die earlier).

We are all going to age and die, but not all of us are going to experience years of ill-health and dependence, as some posters seem to believe.

Currently 1/3 of people get dementia.
This is expected to rise and by the time someone in their 30’s/ 40’s reaches old age this could be half of all people getting dementia. You may literally have a 50/50 chance. If you fall into the unlucky 50% then sorry, you won’t be dealing with any care arrangements. So yes, unless a cure of found it’s going to be fairly likely that you will develop dementia. Not sure if many people on this thread have care for/ have personal experience with dementia of a loved one. Some of you are living in cloud cuckoo land. Reminds me people before they have their first child saying that children won’t change them and that they are going to carry on with their lives exactly the same as before with their 1 week old.

JackTorrance · 22/11/2022 12:25

Some of you are living in cloud cuckoo land

That's nice, what do you expect peope to do about it?