Those not wanting children, what’s your plan for old age?

[Katelyn88]

before people pounce on me:
I do NOT expect my children to be my carers, but I expect my children to ARRANGE care and keep an eye on the quality of care and finances.

Those not wanting children - who will supervise your care and finances when you are too weak/forgetful ?

It’s a genuine question. My parents both looked after their parents. Granny lived with us until she passed away. Me and my sister live within 5 miles from parents and inlaws live around the corner from BIL. I have no idea how childless people manage.

Advance directive? ...what, for your online banking?your grocery shopping? Your bill paying? Your spring clean? Power washing your garden? .....these are all ( plus many more) things i do for my mum.....and am happy to do .....how helpful is an advance directive ?🤷‍♀️

@MephistophelesApprentice Did anyone tell you they were having children as a old age plan? You are assuming that to justify your own choices?

anyway, I like your idea of staying with friends!

Well my mum had children (obviously) but none of her kids were talking to her by the time she got old.

She made her next door neighbour her next of kin and her neighbour sorted out care and stuff towards the end. It was only for the last 2 months of her life and she was in a hospital or hospice dying from cancer rather than needing to go into a home for years. However my mum left the neighbour nearly half a million £ so I assume for that amount of money the neighbour would have sorted things out for longer if necessary :)

I am glad you have seen the error of your childfree ways. You know the one and only reason there is to have children is to care for you in your old age... 🙄

Absolutely agree.
I've got children but wouldn't include them in any kind of "care plan" for my old age.

The real question of the thread should be.

"If you live by the rule that nobody should support/help anybody unless they legally obligated to how are you going to cope when you develop a disability like most of us will?"

I have POA for a friend and they have a living will/advance directive.

We have known each other for a long time and have spoken in detail about their wishes includong funeral. If I go first, physically/mentally they have a back up person.

I already have a living will/advance directive and I do have children. I have taken hard choices away from them. Made funeral arrangements. Let them know where documents are stored etc. Talkrd about the type of care I want in terms of assisted living etc. They also know what i absolutely do not want them doing for me.

I see planning for my future more than just finances at retirement.

Unfortunately, most old people around e do end up reliant on their children. It's easy to say that you'll pop off to a care home but somehow no one does. Arranging care etc is a full time job and takes up so much time and energy that even an energetic 40 year old can get overwhelmed - let alone an old person who is not very web savvy. I guess in the UK most people do not have kids to help them with old age - though thats certainly the case elsewhere in the world - but most people do end up being cared for by their kids in one way or another.

And yet they more than likely will be involved.

This thread shows how utterly niave most people are about the practical reality of developing disability.

Being child free is an utter red herring.

Yes, adult children do carry out most of the support for older parents with care needs. However, in my extensive experience, those without children (or with absent children) usually also have support from friends or family.

Those rare cases of people with no unpaid advocates or carers (and they can both be parents and child free) do have a much harder time.

only available if you are terminally ill

@Changeyncchange agreed. It just reads as though no one had ever taken care of their old relatives. Am suprised, a lot of them MN demographic is rather elderly but it seems that on this thread everyone is 30 and below. The reality of old age is that most people cant manage and need help. Most kids do help their parents. Those without anyone to advocate for them really suffer. Friends dont really help - cos by that point everyone is in their 80s and frail - so you basically need some young people to help you

I have an auntie and an uncle that never married or had kids. If required it will be me and my siblings they do what is needed. But it will be from afar as they are dickheads.

I suspect if they had children at least one of them would of driven them away. Being more distantly related makes them more bearable imo.

Very naive to say you'll take yourself off to a care home or arrange carers to come to your own house. Old age doesn't really work like that...I've seen it with my own family. People who would have said all this too but when it comes to it, by the time they need it they are absolutely incapable of arranging it all. As for saying you hope euthanasia will be an option...easier said than done and the human will to survive is strong. Easy to say when you're young and healthy that you would rather die than live like that.

It’s just as naive to assume family will always just do it for you. Life isn’t always like that. It works both ways.

These plans can be made way in advance by organised people. As mentioned by some on the thread.

What is the purpose of this thread? To make the childfree feel bad? Try to convince them to have children even if that is impossible? Or simply act all smug?

What are "these" plans? What exactly should I be doing now? Because I keep hearing that I can/should organise it myself before I need the help, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can make sure there's money to pay for it all but how do I actually get it organised?

I pay somebody else to do all of those things for me now and can’t see any reason why I wouldn’t continue to do so into older age. Quite honestly, the intricacies of how I’m going to get my patio power washed as a pensioner hasn’t ever really featured in my life plans.

It's a nasty thread - I wish I hadn't posted on it earlier. The simple fact is everyone is vulnerable when they get to old age, there is no practical, bullet proof plan b for anyone who isn't rich and it is impossible to plan for everything. I have a DC, and he has a condition that means I am worrying about HIS old age - he will never be worrying about mine. I am planning for my old age the best ways I know how and this thread is making fun of that - well fuck that!

They really can't. If you had an accident, even when young, you depend on people for practical support. For example you cannot plan in advance for somebody to bring you things you need into hospital. Who is that person? How have you made that plan? We all know what would actually happen, a friend or relative would do it.

@ComtesseDeSpair the difference is that you dont know what the future holds. Yes, you currently do online stuff but do you know what they system will be like in 40 years time and whether you will be able to do it. My in laws were fine in their 40s but internet wasnt invented - they were very capable of going to the shops, going to a branch bank, they understood cheques. They have absolutely no idea how mobile phone works, how internet works, how you do online banking and why they cant just go to a branch - i mean there arent any of those anymore. Thats the point. Times change and mostly old people get left behind.

Ha ha ha ha... Brilliant 🤣👍

I may be the only person on this thread who is actively planning to move my mum into my house within the next 5 years. But I come from a cultural background where this is normal. Plus I have the space and the money. Things are going to be very different with my DC.

Even my mum is not as clingy as the OP appears to be though.

But it's like any life stage or situation. The more friends and family you have, the more likely you are to be well supported. Ok, you can make plans for your old age, but I've seen people go from absolutely healthy, able bodied and their mind in tact to almost overnight become a shadow of themselves. The speed it happened was scary and I can assure you they were absolutely incapable putting any plans into action. You need someone to oversee things at the very least.