To ask HOW he/they or she/they works?

[Henuinequest]

On a DE&I video call at work and the session panel did intros with pronouns stated - 2 of them said ‘I’m he/them’ and one said ‘she/they’. All panellist were trans identifying.

asking a practical question - if someone is he/ them, I’m fine just to to refer to him as he or him? As in ‘ let’s wait 2 mins to see if Josh is coming. He said he could make it’ or I’m I supposed to be saying them ??
the panel was all about trans day of remembrance or something like that so it didn’t feel appropriately to start asking them…

‘femininely announces the same as a very androgynous looking gender fluid person.’

the panel all ID as ‘trans’ including the non-binary ones so they all had pronouns that differed from the standard.
I personally don’t announce my pronouns because I don’t think it is inclusive at all. I think it alienates people who don’t feel they are ‘cis’ or like those terms and I think it puts pressure on people who may not be ready to come out to either come out early or declare pronouns that they may not be comfortable with.
Inhave come under pressure as a gay woman to declare my pronouns in solidarity, most recently by a 20 something straight white male ‘ally’ and I came close to telling him to go fuck himself when he started trying to tell me of the discrimination LGBTQ people face in the world…
Having been out for 30 years I am well aware of the homophobia in the world, thanks mate…

Until you travel to America and meet someone at an event with a name badge which has "Abcde" written on it.

‘Until you travel to America and meet someone at an event with a name badge which has "Abcde" written on it.’

have you experienced this? I work a LOT in the USA, have done for 20 years,
and have yet to meet anyone called abcde

everyone on the panel was trans this time, but there will be times when they are the only trans person in a room and so it helps if others also affirm their preferred pronouns.
no one is forcing anyone to out themselves and staring preferred pronouns doesn’t mean agreeing with the label of ‘cis’ either?

@TheOriginalEmu - Fowler, White, Warriner, and many other reputable grammar texts will disagree. Just because something can be done doesn’t mean it should!

It's rather like being asked to join in a prayer before a meeting, of the denomination of the dominant group in the belief that obviously any decent people would be of that religion anyway so what does it matter?

I have no objection at all to someone who wishes to share their preferred language for the group to use, although I find it somewhat offensive as it is asking me to permit them to direct and control my language for their emotional comfort. I will mostly use their name as I am not comfortable to say something that me is untrue, and participation in which is harmful to the entire female sex class. I would prefer not to enable my own oppression thanks. I have no wish to be rude, but would appreciate the reciprocation of not being subjected to the rudeness of being placed in this position.

And yes, asking everyone to state their pronouns is unhelpful in that it directly places public pressure on everyone to participate and share information that for many reasons they may be unwilling to, with questions asked and assumptions made if they wish to ask to opt out. This is not inclusive, it is not taking equal care of everyone in the room. No one is every required to go around the table and state their ailments to make me as a wheelchair user more comfortable, and I would find it highly odd and embarrassing for them to do so. Rather than 'normalising' it would be an act of head patting. We do this for no other minority group.

‘no one is forcing anyone to out themselves and staring preferred pronouns doesn’t mean agreeing with the label of ‘cis’ either?’

i disagree - I have trans friends who disagree.
but we don’t all have to agree on everything.

if someone feels the need to announce their pronouns, that’s fine but I’m not going to do the same. I’m a woman. I look like a woman, and no-one is going to get confused about how to address me.

no one is forcing anyone to out themselves and staring preferred pronouns doesn’t mean agreeing with the label of ‘cis’ either?

It does. I don't have preferred pronouns, I don't care in the least, I expect people to use their eyes to spot what biological sex I am and use the convenional grammar associated with that sex.
That's a far cry from the pick-n-mix of "personal preference".