Husband (who is main earner) wants to work part-time

[mugglewump]

My husband started discussions with work today to move to part-time work. He is unhappy in his job and 57 years old. Part of me gets it, for his sake, but I am concerned about the drop in income. I work 4 days a week (most weeks - supply teacher and tutor), but earn a pittance in comparison and have a chronic health condition which leaves me fatigued and is the reason I am no long class teaching full time. We have two kids at university. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to bring home the bacon because I can't? Or should we both be able to do the same?

If you can both afford it (and there are admittedly many possible answers to that question) then it seems unfair to say he can't. When does he expect to fully retire?

I think you need to sit down together and look through your finances. Can you downsize your property or make other changes to see if you can make it work?

I think if you're working part time you haven't really got a leg to stand on. Why shouldn't he have the same luxury? Especially at his age. But agree you need to look at the finances.

Do your kids at Uni work ?

Only fair he should also work part time if you do. I don’t blame him for wanting to ease off.

My DH is 59 and working 55-60 hour weeks. He is exhausted and I keep asking him to drop down / reduce hours a little and money be damned. I would much rather he took a little time to relax and chill out NOW than work his way into a heart attack burning himself out. I can't work due to several disabilities and my caring duties to disabled adult son, so it would be very hypocritical for me to insist he works himself into an unhappy grave to earn money for me.

I would rather have a financially poor retirement than one on my own as DH dropped dead at work.

YABU for the phrase 'bring home the bacon' alone!

have a chronic health condition which leaves me fatigued and is the reason I am no long class teaching full time.

I think some people are missing this bit.

Can you afford for him to also be part time is the question?

I don’t think you can demand he does what you can’t, no.

It's a bit unfair if you work part time and he can't tbh.

I think you need to decide jointly and work out where you can cut back.

Life's short and in your fifties it needs to be about what you both want. Will you have a nice time spending more time together?

No one is missing it, what you’ve missed is he’s doing this as he is unhappy. Mental health is as important as physical.

I'd say at 57 he has every right to look at whether this is possible.

Have you even sat down with him and looked at affordability for this?

Are there other jobs you could take which would bring in more money on reduced hours?

Are the dc away at university or living at home? How much do you subsidise them?

I think it's completely fair of him to work part time. He's an older chap with two grown up children- he probably thinks he's done his time and can now ease off slightly. To be honest I would consider most things including downsizing for my DH to go part time in your position because I would expect the same from him if I wanted to go part time.

Is the mortgage nearly cleared?

can only answer this with figures and assets being disclosed

All you can do us speak to him and look at finances. If they are at uni can they borrow more maintenance loan if your household income drops? You don’t have a legal obligation to make up shortfall if you can’t afford to contribute no one can force you. They will just need to up their paid work. Can you look at working more but from home eg online tutoring (appreciate you have health condition but wfh may help) If he can’t manage ft anymore better a managed move to pt than leaving due to illhealth.

Have you looked at downsizing?

How much funding are you giving to your adult children? Are they working while at uni? Agree his mental health is also important. Do you regularly work less than 4 days? Are you term time only?

How part time?
At 57 he should have the option to slow down. If he is a high earner then he can justify it, he’ll still bring home a decent wage. You’ll have to do a proper list of ongoings and see what you can cut. His health is more important.

You need to sit down together and work through your finances. Are there things you can cut back on? Can the kids get jobs to help them support themselves? Can either of you start drawing from your pensions to fill any gaps?

He shouldn’t have to keep on full time in a job he hates. Lots of people start to reduce their hours in their late 50’s.

I think if you're working part time you haven't really got a leg to stand on. Why shouldn't he have the same luxury?

I'm not sure I'd describe having a chronic health condition that makes working FT difficult as a "luxury".

YABU. If you can why can't he, regardless of the reason. You can't "expect" him to do anything, that's unfair.

yeah I think you are a bit. As adults we should not really rely on others to subsidise us if it can be helped.

So if you can afford for him to 4 days too, albeit with some sacrifices, then I think that's fair enough to prioritise having some down time from a job he dislikes over money you like.

You need to review your expenses realistically - if he reduces income then your kids at uni should get a higher maintainence loan, otherwise they should be working P/T if not already. If you're working P/T, he has every right to.

This.

Your dcs have left home, at this stage in your life you could downsize or move somewhere cheaper.
Your dcs are capable of supporting themselves, there is no shortage of part time work for them while they study.
And you can cut back now there's two only two of you.