Husband (who is main earner) wants to work part-time

[mugglewump]

My husband started discussions with work today to move to part-time work. He is unhappy in his job and 57 years old. Part of me gets it, for his sake, but I am concerned about the drop in income. I work 4 days a week (most weeks - supply teacher and tutor), but earn a pittance in comparison and have a chronic health condition which leaves me fatigued and is the reason I am no long class teaching full time. We have two kids at university. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to bring home the bacon because I can't? Or should we both be able to do the same?

Your health and your husband's is vital. Please prioritise this.

This, and
this
You lost me a bit when you described your earnings as a pittance. 4 days supply teaching and tutoring will not be a pittance. And if you mean only a pittance in comparison to his earnings, then his earnings must be very good, which tends to suggest to me that his plan would be doable.
But of course I don’t know all the ins and outs of your finances. But your OP definitely has a whiff of ‘I want things to stay exactly as they are at his expense’ and also ‘only very high earnings will do’.

Without any of us knowing the ins and outs of your outgoings, we can only presume, but what he is suggesting sounds perfectly sensible to me.

For those posters saying four days' teaching is not " a pittance", note that it is supply work so by no means the same as contracted, and her pension is not being paid.

Would be helpful if the OP came back, though.

I think it depends on if you’re supporting the dc through uni and when they finish. My Dh and I are taking early retirement in a few years, he’s just taken a promotion to enhance his pension, I’ll be taking on a 2nd role to stick money into the savings pot. My Dh said he’d not be happy if I went part time whilst healthy. I see his point, but if I was mega stressed, I’d hope he’d support me to drop hours.

I'm 'healthy' and am about to cut my hours. But I'm 53, menopausal and tired all the time. I just can't do it any more. So I totally see the husband's point of view.

Well both me a my husband are in our early fifties and there's no way financially we will be able to reduce our hours in a few years time.
Unfortunately we still have a largish mortgage and 4 DC in their teens - early twenties who are either at school, doing apprenticeship or at uni so still depending on us financially. I cannot see that they will be financially independent and able to leave home any time in the near future, so downsizing wouldn't be an option for us unless we made them homeless!
So I guess now I'm in my early 50s I dont think 57 is that old! it's still 10 years away from official retirement age.
So if you can afford to do it then it's great but you need to look at finances carefully and I do understand your concerns, and the main point is he has intigated this without talking to you first and putting a financial plan in place. It's very difficult situation as obviously both his health and yours has come first, so it's a balance between that and income.

For those posters saying four days' teaching is not " a pittance", note that it is supply work so by no means the same as contracted, and her pension is not being paid.

But 4 days of supply work is still a way away from NMW, so for it to be considered "a pittance" the dh's salary is clearly going to be a significant / healthy salary.

Your dcs have left home, at this stage in your life you could downsize or move somewhere cheaper

They’re at Uni - they are off a month at Christmas - then home April/May only there 7/12 months!

They haven’t ‘left’ home!

I'm in my 50s. In the last 2 years I've lost 4 people (all men) close to me in their mid 50s. Whilst some will go on to be fit and well much longer, I've known too many who simply couldn't have. DH was unable to work at all for a year before his death. Thankfully, we had set up our finances in the knowledge that we may have to work less by our 50s. We could have had a higher standard of living when we were younger, but we chose a secure future instead.

Personally, I think this is what everyone should plan for, if only because by the time you're in your 50s, if you lose a job it's much harder to find another comparable one, so retirement or a step backwards might be forced on you, even if not by your health.

Anyway, having seen what DH and friends have suffered, if be doing everything possible to help him cut his hours, not putting pressure on him to keep them up.

Yes we’re downsizing in part to allow DH to drop some of his hours. He’s in an enormously stressful job and I’m worried about his health in years to come.

Depends on their age? By my final year I rarely came home as felt had my own adult life.

Not sure what the uni kids have to do with it. They should have some financial independence at that age. I understand you might need to subsidise if they get a low maintenance loan, but if your husband reduces hours then their loan should increase?

Strange comment. If as a couple the OP and her husband are earning more than 60k between them (which I suspect they are) then they will be paying out about 10k (5k per child) as an expected parental contribution out of post-tax income. They will still be paying that if by dropping a day their income is above 60k, but it might be a lot less easily affodable if they are getting close to the 60k mark. Plenty of my friends are waiting until after kids having finished university to cut back on working hours.

Of course he deserves to have the same time off. He's 57 and he hates the job. He could be tired and stressed by it. Heck it can even drag his mental health down working in a job he hates especially full time. At almost 40 I'm tired and knackered and thinking another 30yrs of the same thing when you want to start to enjoy your time together after working all them years and bringing kids up. Yes financially it will be different and maybe not as many luxuries but memories and time together are worth alot more. Depending on how much his jobs pays with tax etc it might not be as big a drop as you're expecting. He might say he hates it but I bet there is more behind it and as an older gentleman feels he can't express himself as he should be able to because he feels he has to be strong and bring the money in as you say.

Why expect him to cover the financial shortfall of you not working full time?
How would you feel if you were handed an unequal proportion of the responsibility?
It seems selfish and unfair....

Kind of.
People without chronic health conditions affecting their day to day capability can't fairly understand the position you are in.
I'm in a similar position.

If you're not capable of doing an equal share of responsibility, you're not, but your dh is telling you life as it is isn't working for him either. I would hope you would be more understanding of that with your condition.

Surely he's considered the finances before speaking to his employer. Sit down and go through them together and see if any changes are necessary. Then figure out a way forward, together.

Why can you go part time for health reasons but he can't? I'm sure you'd be quick to say abuse if he was trying to force you to work more than your health will allow. Also your children are adults at uni are not financially your responsibility, at all. Lots of people put themselves through uni. Your adult children will do just fine not relying on mummy and daddy.