Husband (who is main earner) wants to work part-time

[mugglewump]

My husband started discussions with work today to move to part-time work. He is unhappy in his job and 57 years old. Part of me gets it, for his sake, but I am concerned about the drop in income. I work 4 days a week (most weeks - supply teacher and tutor), but earn a pittance in comparison and have a chronic health condition which leaves me fatigued and is the reason I am no long class teaching full time. We have two kids at university. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to bring home the bacon because I can't? Or should we both be able to do the same?

Can he not change jobs similar pay more fulfillment?

I think the answer could be to help your DH find a job he is happy to do to full time - especially if he could take early retirement from his current job ? In your position would speak to a financial advisor and see what can be done to make your money work for you. Supply teaching is pretty tough, is there a less stressful teaching/education-related job you could do? It sounds like you both need a life-change - could you downsize and then maybe both stop working?

So it's OK for your earning potential to be reduced due to health but not your husbands?

You work part time though and probably have for many years, why should he work full time and feel overworked/unhappy? You should be thankful he has supported the arrangement this long, with uni aged kids the need to be pt for childcare will have ended years ago. You say you have a condition, well your husband's health is just as important, sounds like you need some lifestyle changes to adjust to a lower income.

If 4 days a week teaching is "a pittance" in comparison, he must have a very substantial income. Maybe you'll both need to make some adjustments to your out goings, but I'd be encouraging a man (anyone) of 57 who wants to reduce his hours to do exactly that.

Why doesn't OP find a higher paying agency job by the same token?

If your kids are at uni they can get jobs themselves and as long as you look at finances together to make sure that your still covered for things then why shouldn't he?

I would say he's being unreasonable if you can't afford things but at the same time you could switch to private tutoring and examiner/marker and earn more then supply work etc whilst still being part time.

"there is no shortage of part time work for them while they study."

Is that true??
There are part time jobs for all students who want them?

There are a few cnuts on here, saying that the dh should 'discuss' ask for permission to reduce hours. He, quite rightly thought that when his wife is on shorter hours, he should be entitled to do the same. Is his health not as important as his wife's?

If a person is not able to do it, they are not able. It is better to reduce than to get sick and give up altogether. Reducing means that people can carry on a bit longer.

You haven't said whether between the two of you you're well of or not, this does obviously affect the answers.

If him dropping his working hours will mean you can't pay the bills and lose the house, YANBU

If him dropping his working hours will mean a drop in the disposable income you enjoy and are well used to having (without earning it yourself) and you just don't want that, YABU as it's his life.

It's certainly easier to come by now than it was when my older two were looking for p/t jobs. My son has had several successful interviews. He's also in uni.

Well, I am now feeling wayyyyy over the hill.... 59, so is my husband - both of us still working full-time?!! I also hate my job (well, not the job per se, the management) and I would retire happily right now - but I want to do some upgrades to the house and build up as much pensionable service as possible before I retire.

I might consider partial retirement, where you can take some of your pension and reduce your hours - and I'm led to believe that there are no actuarial costs once you're 60, so my employer would be less likely to refuse!

Part time jobs are not an option for all students, if you do medicine or vet or engineering you spend a lot of time doing lab stuff/lectures/research

anyway, OP, it all depends on money and if you can still get to the dnd of the month ok

basically if you need to sacrifice holidays and newer cars and other luxuries yabu

but if you would now struggle to pay heating and food, yanbu

MN is a very very harsh place for women who have chosen to put their careers second and their family first, any woman who is or has been a sahm, or ever depended on her DH due to health or other reasons gets given a hard time here

it can be a pretty misogynistic place should you ever have made the decision to work part time or (whisper) be a sahm ever

Cannot believe you’re even asking this.
He’s bringing in more than you, he’s 57, he’s working more than you…
Of course he should drop to 4 days if as a couple you can still cover your outgoings - which I expect you can.
You’re not just unreasonable, you’re really taking the piss.

I think the first step is to look at how much money you actually need. Go through all your bank statements, pension contributions, savings etc.
once you’ve worked out your total outgoings, compare them to what your take home pay would be if he did reduce his hours. It might be there are things you are paying for that you don’t really need. For example a friend of mine was paying quite a lot of money each month in car payments, for a car that was bigger than she needed. She was able to exchange it for a smaller car which saved her £100 per month in payments, was cheaper to insure, tax and fuel. Me and my DH recently managed to re negotiate gym membership to a joint off peak membership which has saved us a few 100 for the year.
it sounds like he needs to reduce his hours for his own well being and you might need to work out what you could do without.

MN is a very very harsh place for women who have chosen to put their careers second and their family first, any woman who is or has been a sahm, or ever depended on her DH due to health or other reasons gets given a hard time here.

I did all of the above and still think she should allow her DH to go part time, unless they are absolutely desperate for money. My own DH is 54 and we are planning for him to retire by 57. I can see he is bloody tired and burnt out. Not easy working stressful high earning jobs in your fifties and if I could do it all again, I would not have been an SAHM. ( didn't have much choice as we were abroad)

I'm 53 and I am looking to be in a position to scale back in the next few years. DH is a few years older and he already works part time for himself. I am the main earner and I would really resent being told I had to carry on working full time at 57 unless it was absolutely necessary. I may choose to carry on full time but I don't want to be obliged to do so.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. Your post is incredibly important because this is the reality for many people. Especially men. Work, work, work and then suddenly die. Op husband is 57 and even though as a society we don't want to except aging the same way anymore (mainly due to the financial pressure placed on us). For some people their times will end before the new retirement age is reached by them.

The OP needs to accept her husband is aging and even if he looks well that can change very suddenly. The time of the relationship being able to carry only her health conditions is over. The husband now needs to be taken into account.

Not sure what the uni kids have to do with it. They should have some financial independence at that age. I understand you might need to subsidise if they get a low maintenance loan, but if your husband reduces hours then their loan should increase?

Poor you. It is scary facing a drop in income. But your DH is getting older. He is probably very tired, and wants to make a smoother transition to the next phase of his life. It sounds like you can manage financially (given you are teaching and he earns a lot more than you). If you are concerned about a buffer, why not see if he can stay full time for say three more months and absolutely squeeze every penny over that time to give yourselves some extra savings.

Then let the poor man have his rest.

Will his salary reduce much if he drops to 4 days? Is it not mostly tax?

I think if you're working part time you haven't really got a leg to stand on. Why shouldn't he have the same luxury?

Because he's not ill. Not being able to do class teaching is not a luxury for OP, it's a necessity, because she can't do more than she is due to her health. And it sounds like she still works quite a lot to me anyway if she's doing something at least 4 days a week.

A close family friend of ours worked till they were 65 as his wife didnt want to find a job after the kids had left home. He had to continue working full time till he turned 65. He left his company on the Thursday and they booked a 3 month holiday on the Friday.

On the Sunday night they were round at ours and perfectly normal. They went home, went to bed and she went down to make them a cuppa. Came back up and he had passed away. Recorded as SAD.

Her biggest regret is not supporting him when he wanted to cut down hours but had to work to keep the house running.

OP isn't working part time (4 days a week!) for luxury @LovelyBitOfSquirrel69 - she has a chronic health condition.

As the OP is working supply, she is not getting her pension paid.

I repeat this.

OP has buggered off anyway.