Husband (who is main earner) wants to work part-time

[mugglewump]

My husband started discussions with work today to move to part-time work. He is unhappy in his job and 57 years old. Part of me gets it, for his sake, but I am concerned about the drop in income. I work 4 days a week (most weeks - supply teacher and tutor), but earn a pittance in comparison and have a chronic health condition which leaves me fatigued and is the reason I am no long class teaching full time. We have two kids at university. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to bring home the bacon because I can't? Or should we both be able to do the same?

Depends - would him going part-time mean (a) less household disposable income or (b) household income being less than necessary outgoings? If the former, I think you'll have to suck it up. If the latter, then you both need to sit down and go through all your finances.

I think it's a bit unfair for you to work less because you get fatigued, but insist that he work full-time even though it is making him unhappy and perhaps fatigued.

I'm sorry about your dad but glad he got to enjoy retirement.

My dad suffered serious health problems at 60 and can't work anymore but the signs he should have slowed down were there 10 years earlier. If he had known what was coming he would have reduced his hours earlier and stopped worrying about his pension. He has other health problems and it would be a surprise if he lived past his mid 60s.

He should be allowed to reduce his hours, I know you said you have health issues but if you are part time you can't really stand in his way if he also wants that. No doubt he's made sacrifices due to your low earning and health, your turn to cut back on stuff maybe and let him have a better work life balance

My DH has just done this, he’s dropped a day, however he had a parked pension which he could access, the lump sum cleared our mortgage, he’s still in a pension and paying AVCs to build up another lump-sum for when he finally retires at 60. Does your DH have any pensions he can access?

I am afraid it works both ways.

You work reduced hours because of your health condition.

You husband is 57 and needs to slow down too.

So what you need to do is look at how you can reduce your outgoings and downsize if needed.

You kids are grown and can also make their own way in life by getting a part-time job alongside their studies if needed.

I completely agree.

Your health should not trump his and if it means having less income, then so be it.

It’s either that or he stops working completely due to ill health and then you definitely would be screwed.

However, I would encourage him to not drop his hours too significantly to begin with and maybe just try and drop one day.
He can then decide whether that’s enough to cope with and you’ll not be too much worse off.

It sounds like he’s on a very good wage and by going PT would still be a very decent income.

Agreed and I'm astonished that anyone would think this.

I work 0.4FTE (and that's a struggle) due to a chronic condition that has resulted in a rapid deterioration of my health over the last few years. From my point of view the luxury is if you're fit and able to work full-time. I'd give almost anything to have that "luxury".

I'd discuss finances then have a discussion with him and try to find a way to make it happen

It doesn't sound like you've considered him and his feelings, only considered your own and the expectation of him to continue to work full time and provide at the expense of his wellbeing.

If your income from 4 days supply and tutoring is “a pittance” compared to his, he must be a pretty high earner

This. You are being unreasonable if you want him to continue full time just for extra "luxuries". Health is more important than anything. I'm in my 50s and only do 3-4 days myself. I've cut my cloth accordingly. I actually find it quite sad you came here to ask the question and didn't just support his decision. (Awaits drip feed about how they "need" the money).

Everybody has said that you need to sit down and look at the finances but you also need to sit down and talk about what the problems are with his work.

I have every sympathy with him (hate my job) but also with you (my DH did the same and it was a huge worry at the time).

Not missing it but curious as to why mental health is considered less important than physical health?

And at what point will he be "allowed" to reduce hours? If she's working part time because of her illness then will she expect him to take a second job when she decides her physical health is rendering her unable to work?

I don't blame him either OP, my DH took a reduced pension at that age - is that a possibility for your DH? I'd get him to check if going part-time would affect his pension (depending if he's on a final salary scheme or defined benefit) but if his company are agreeable then it would be a good idea.

I was your DH (but younger).

You say you can’t work FT due to fatigue but are expecting your partner to carry on ‘bringing home the bacon’ in a role he doesn’t like and at his age is also possibly fatigued with the stress of a high paying role. YABU, very in my opinion.

You need a joint discussion on finances but just because someone has higher earning potential than you should not mean they have to shoulder that forever to cover your lifestyle choices.

I would do all I could to downsize and cut costs so he could go part time.

it gets hard once you hit late 50s...plus it is made harder too now that pension age is much higher these days...and not everyone has a personal pension...not an easy decision. Would you still manage if he went part time?

My granda died he was only 64 which is not old at all, he worked very hard all his life and never got to enjoy any retirement at all...so sometimes best to enjoy while you have good health. You hear of many people dropping down dead and getting no retirement...no easy decisions.

Can you or him or both of you claim benefits to make up the income? If you have a health problem can you apply for disability benefits?

You're 'allowed' to work part time but he isn't?

Reduce your outgoings. Downsize.

Your health (both) is the main thing here, not who earns the most.

I don't think you should "expect" anything. It's pretty obvious that you both need to sit down and work out exactly how much take home income he would lose and where you would have to cut back and/or reduce savings. Make sure you take into account the long term impact on pensions too. Then decide if the improvement in terms of having a more relaxed lifestyle is worth what you lose in ability to spend. No-one should feel they have to keep working full time just because they can. It makes sense to consider alternatives. You say yourself he is a high earner, but that means you can probably sustain a good material standard of living from 4 days a week of paid work and get the benefit of more time. Remember that his net pay won't fall anything like 20%.

Or if it doesn't quite work yet, wait 2-3 years since the kids have finished university so you are not paying for them anymore?

Maybe I’m wrong but don’t think it’s easy to get disability benefits. What do people do if they are not able to work but don’t have a private pension to draw on?

If you working 4 days as a supply teacher still has him earning significantly more then he must be quite a high earner. In which case, him dropping down to 3 or 4 days a week should be fine financially.

Before he goes part time he needs to check it will not adversely effect any workplace pension. Some are calculated on the basis of earnings in the last 3 years. This was always a problem as in many ways it makes sense to start winding down pre-retirement but the way pensions were set up, worked against this happening.

DP retired from his FT job, claimed his pension and returned on a part time basis on a new contract because of this. I should imagine not all employers would allow this

It’s not easy but it is possible. Pip is not means tested and you can get it if you work too, it is to pay for extra costs having a disability entails. In my case, so I can remain working 4 days instead of full time. . In terms of other benefits, you are expected to use any savings above £6k first and then household income is taken into account but ultimately you are supported by the state (although not grandly) if you are unable to support yourself due to disability or Ill health.

I think you keep open mind and sit down and look at finances.
How would his pension be effected? Would help dropping one day to start etc.
Would uni kids be entitled to more financial assistance if income dropped?

YANBU if you are physically unable to work full time due to ill health.

As PP have said, you need to look at your total income and outgoings and see what you can cut back on for him to work less hours if that is what he wants. He needs to recognise the lifestyle changes that it will bring if he reduces his hours (as do you).

It can't just be a tit for tat thing that he wants to work less because you work less, if he is the main breadwinner and fit and healthy.

I feel he should go part time if it's going to help his mental health especially as he doesn't like his job. Torturous having to spend hours doing something just for money, soulless.
Myself & are in same position, kids at uni, we both work part time. It's enough & money isn't everything.