Husband (who is main earner) wants to work part-time

[mugglewump]

My husband started discussions with work today to move to part-time work. He is unhappy in his job and 57 years old. Part of me gets it, for his sake, but I am concerned about the drop in income. I work 4 days a week (most weeks - supply teacher and tutor), but earn a pittance in comparison and have a chronic health condition which leaves me fatigued and is the reason I am no long class teaching full time. We have two kids at university. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to bring home the bacon because I can't? Or should we both be able to do the same?

I think context is important. How many hours is he proposing to work and how much will you lose? If it means having to tighten your belts a bit then possibly YABU. But if it means that as a family you are going to struggle to pay the bills and you are already working all the hours you can without further compromising your health, I would completely understand your concerns.

It's odd that hesitated this process without discussing it with you. How is your relationship?

Does he have a plan regarding how this'll work financially, not just in the foreseeable future but also in retirement? This needs to be discussed and agreed.

Also, what kind of part-time? 3 days, 4 days?

INITIATED....... not hesitated...

It's reasonable to explore whether it's possible.

Dh and I are 50 and 52. I'm part time (similar hours to you) and dh full time but compressed. We're planning for us both to be part time by the time dc leave Uni and will be a similar age to your dh when we get to that point. But it's been in the planning for a few year already and - providing there are no unforeseen disasters - we should get there.

Not uneeasonable on his part at all. Depends on your financial obligatoons of course x

Have you worked through the finances?You might find that if he is in higher rate tax band, the difference in take home income may not be that great, particularly if he was able to go slightly compressed and increase his working days by half an hour.

It's not unreasonable to want to reduce hours a bit at late 50s. What age does he expect to continue working until ?

Assuming you can still afford a roof over your head and food on the table, I think that his work life balance is more important that being able to afford luxuries.

I think you need to look at what lifestyle changes you can make to accommodate him. It’s pretty rough to say he can’t because of your circumstances.

YABVU to just expect him to "bring home the bacon". You need to sit down with a big excel and work out as a team what needs done to make it happen rather than why it can't happen.

If he is a higher rate tax payer the difference to net pay dropping a day might be less that you think.

Cutting back, reducing number of cars etc, downsizing your home, telling uni students they'll need to get PT jobs, looking at your own income making capability, using savings until retirement, any pension funds you have that can be accessed now, etc. You will both also need to consider the impact on his pension if there are less payments going in. Will it mean retiring later?

Perhaps speak with a financial advisor to see if there are any tricks you are missing.

As others have said, look carefully at your income and talk through whether you can manage the reduction.

If you can, then he should be allowed to. It's horrible to work full time in a job you hate.

I do wonder how couples prosper not actually talking to each other! Haven’t you talked this through and worked out finances before he started this discussion with work? Do it now!

He is fairly close to retirement age for most people, assuming he has a private pension so very reasonable that he considers part time now.

I don't think you can veto, just work with him on the finances so you both understand what a reduced income looks like. It's scary to reduce income but it was going to happen within a few years ..better that it's planned rather than he suddenly has to give up.

It's not a luxury when it's a neccessity. Asking why an able bodied person can't have the same "luxury" to worlk part time as a less able bodied person who can't work full time is pretty offensive.

I think the main thing to do is look at your finances and think about where savings could be made.

Have the two of you sat down with your bills and bank statements and worked out how much household income you need to meet your costs? And discussed what current costs you both think can be trimmed?

Until you have done this TOGETHER, there's very little point in considering who earns what. Once you know how much you need to be bringing in as a household, then you can start looking at what each individual brings in.

But I am not sure that not working full time at the age of 57 in a job you hate is a luxury. Wanting to go down in time is reasonable. What is a luxury is expecting someone else to "bring home the bacon" to sustain a lifestyle you want but can't fund. Assuming of course it is possible for OP and her husband to survive on the proposed hour reduction.

You can both do 4 days and cut down on outgoings

You lost me a bit when you described your earnings as a pittance. 4 days supply teaching and tutoring will not be a pittance. And if you mean only a pittance in comparison to his earnings, then his earnings must be very good, which tends to suggest to me that his plan would be doable.

But of course I don’t know all the ins and outs of your finances. But your OP definitely has a whiff of ‘I want things to stay exactly as they are at his expense’ and also ‘only very high earnings will do’.

Am I being unreasonable

Nobody can answer that without knowing more about your financial situation.

If your 4 day week as a supply teacher brings home "a pittance" compared to his full time salary then he must surely be earning a huge amount? In which case what in earth are your outgoings that he can't take a cut by reducing hours?

I think YAB a bit U to not recognise that his mental health struggle now is no less worthy a reason for needing to go part time than your physical fatigue reason.

So he certainly can do that and I assume fully intends to do that. The question really is what will your income look like as a result and how can you make it work. That’s the discussion that needs to happen.

I think it's absolutely fair to work 4 days a week at his age and on the wind down to retirement. Children at uni shouldn't be costing you too much, they should be working. You haven't got a leg to stand on given you 4 days a week. Did you take time out when the children were young too?

Adjust your lifestyle and let him have his wind down time.

Not really missing that bit. Chronic unhappiness isn't healthy either. It isn't a question of whether the OP can afford for him to be part-time. It's a case of why should he have to "bring home the bacon"? The OP will have to learn to work with him to reduce their expenditure. It's not his job to keep you, and more than it is your job to keep him.

I’m the higher earner. I work part time. I think you’re being unreasonable seeing as you work part time!

I would try and make the finances work for the sake of his health. Taking a hit to lifestyle and how much you can fund uni kids would be preferable to an unhappy life. It may well be a choice of him working full time for a year more and then quitting or going part time and lasting a bit longer which would be better overall.