To ask why you didn't want children?

[somuchtolearnabout]

Granted, this is a very goady thread title. For clarity - I'm a mother. Always wanted to be, for as long as I can remember I knew that children were a part of my future and can't imagine a life where I didn't have kids. Admittedly therefore, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want them. Respectfully, can those who chose not to have children explain what it was about having them that you didn't want?

My best friend (she's been my best friend since primary school, was my MOH etc) doesn't want children. Claims she never has. Says she likes sleeping too much, can't be bothered, likes the luxury of being able to spend her money on herself etc. Her fiancé feels the same, doesn't like kids, doesn't want them. She just had a pregnancy scare and admitted that if she had fallen pregnant she would keep it. Which makes me wonder - does she really not want them? Surely if you REALLY didn't want kids, if you fell pregnant you'd terminate?

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids. I just find it really hard to believe (I know I'll get torn to shreds for that, closemindedness isn't an attractive trait it's just the one thing I really struggle to understand)

I’m like this about my dog 😂

You’ve had your arse handed to you multiple times, with remarkable thoroughness. As you clearly have nothing to say in response, I think you should just slink off and lick thy wounds.

RandomMusings7 · Today 08:12
The world would be a better place if we, as society, chose to question people's motives for having kids, not for opting out.

All kids deserve mature emotionally stable and available parents who genuinely love them and are attuned to their needs. Many many people are incapable of offering that, but still pop out babies for the stupidest reasons. Hence the rampant abuse and neglect that creates a perpetual supply of broken traumatised adults...

This. In absolute bloody spades.

You must be reading a different thread

No they are definitely reading this thread! You are carrying on in a very strange manner.

It appears that some women simply cannot handle the idea that anyone looks at what they have decided is the pinnacle of life/womanhood/existence and basically goes ‘nope, do not like’.

They can’t accept that other women don’t think like them, but they also can’t come up with any logical justification for not accepting it. So they essentially just go a bit nuts. As evidenced by this thread.

well, that’s the beauty isn’t it. We all see things differently

Again, the irony is just spectacular!

It's the self-absorption that gets me. I'm a lawyer. I realise that not everyone is a lawyer, so it cannot be everyone's #1 choice of job. I know that there are people who cannot think of a single positive thing about being a lawyer. Which is fine with me, because I am not so emotionally invested in being a lawyer that everyone else has to validate my choice. I really could not give a shit.

Absolutely delicious! 😋

r/selfawarewolves

That was in regard to the irony of @BomboChipolata'a latest comment.

I’m now reminded of the OP’s (admittedly considerably more sweary) deliciously ironic exit last night.

Self awareness is apparently not what these people do. 😂

You see, I find the opposite - that women without children immediately get defensive if anyone brings up the 'would you ever have liked to have kids' convo. And may have to add that they 'hate children'. Really, all of them? OK then.

And I say this as someone who had no maternal instinct and is more likely to question why anybody would have children sooner than not.

I know I did (and still do). Then in my thirties I allowed that bilogical impulse take over. Not quit - I thought, weighed up, discussed with DH, thought some more, pretty much had an existential crisis. All to conclude that it didn't make any sense to have them but we still wanted them.

Every person has their reasons and their instincts or lack thereof. And that is fine. But still, there are many who feel personally attacked by 'the other camp'. Imagine where the human species would be if everyone/nobody had children. Difference is good.

whoosh!

There may well be. But it’s really not a good enough reason to want to become a parent, that you might enjoy teaching them to swim. For the childfree by choice there are far more negatives than positives. How does it affect you that other people choose not to have children?

Nice try, but it is too late to get out of the hole you dug yourself and then jumped into.

Doesn’t affect me in the slightest.

Well maybe they are defensive because the question is stupid @stickygotstuck

'would you ever have liked to have kids'

choices here are either 1) no, didn't want them, otherwise I would have had them and 2) I wanted them but it didn't work out for complex and painful reasons that I don't need to share with you

I know I did (and still do). Then in my thirties I allowed that bilogical impulse take over

See I never got that biological impulse. Not so much as a flicker.

that women without children immediately get defensive if anyone brings up the 'would you ever have liked to have kids' convo

This is a thread where someone has flat-out told us that women over 40 without children have meaningless lives. There's probably a reason people get defensive.

I also don't exactly think it would be a massive tragedy if the human race were to die out, tbh. We rape and kill each other, start wars and ruin the planet.

Incredibly stupid question. I never ask this of anyone. It is none of my business. Just like their sex lives or financial affairs.

This!

I would never say to friends with children, 'so why did you have children?' as it's fairly obviously either a) they wanted to have children or b)they accidentally became pregnant and decided to continue with the pregnancy.

So why are you so exercised about it?

I think asking people why they didn’t or don’t have children is a question that just doesn’t need to be asked. For some women who perhaps wanted to have children but couldn’t, you are effectively asking them to relay their trauma to you. People can claim to be ‘nosy’ all they like, but there are some things that really are just no one else’s business.

You're conflating "positives with children existing and maybe being in my life" with "having a child".
You can take a nephew swimming, then hand him back when he's a grouchy overtired hyper beast. You can pay for a few driving lessons for a present and celebrate when your god child passes their test but not have to worry to the same level every time they leave in their car. You can enjoy toddler snuggles but still be able to take a sabbatical and have a month of peace and quiet in Bali.

V few people really dislike children as a class, but if they do then it's good they're not pressured into parenthood. They might enjoy their friends and families kids when they're teens. Doesn't mean they should adopt one.