To ask why you didn't want children?

[somuchtolearnabout]

Granted, this is a very goady thread title. For clarity - I'm a mother. Always wanted to be, for as long as I can remember I knew that children were a part of my future and can't imagine a life where I didn't have kids. Admittedly therefore, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want them. Respectfully, can those who chose not to have children explain what it was about having them that you didn't want?

My best friend (she's been my best friend since primary school, was my MOH etc) doesn't want children. Claims she never has. Says she likes sleeping too much, can't be bothered, likes the luxury of being able to spend her money on herself etc. Her fiancé feels the same, doesn't like kids, doesn't want them. She just had a pregnancy scare and admitted that if she had fallen pregnant she would keep it. Which makes me wonder - does she really not want them? Surely if you REALLY didn't want kids, if you fell pregnant you'd terminate?

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids. I just find it really hard to believe (I know I'll get torn to shreds for that, closemindedness isn't an attractive trait it's just the one thing I really struggle to understand)

The Sistine Screamer. One of the best things I have ever read.
I also fondly remember snapped and farted.

Hard agree. Still my favourite thread of all time. If I'm feeling down I find it and read from start to finish!

There was one where an invitee to a hen weekend threatened to bring her husband and toddler along. To cheer the dismayed OP, the thread descended into posters playing a game where they argued for the attendance at the do of their various pets, with all of their very specific needs. Someone had a ferret that required its own bathroom or something. It was so, so funny.

I don’t know but there is something off about some of the reasons why women are rejecting motherhood more than they ever have women are rejecting motherhood more than they ever have because they finally understand they have the power to do so. They can use contraceptives for ever and there's a partner out there who is OK with that. They can remain single and that's also okm. They can access contraception nand abortions. They can dedicate themselves to their careers or their interests and the world doesn't stop turning. They can not have a kid and the world doesn't stop turning. And then they're made to lost the rains which ordinarily would come under "because I didn't want to" in minute detail to prove that they're of sound mind!

FWIW, I will say this - my children are small, but DH & I have lots of free time away from them. We have lots of holidays and weekends away just the two of us, we have impromptu date nights and trips away just the two of us. We get plenty of sleep, we have plenty of disposable income. The house is noisy but I guess maybe our preference is that we like it like that?

Gosh @somuchtolearnabout why did you have kids if you intend to spend so much time away from them? Ime a mother love is so all consuming that its inconceivable to be away from them just for fun.!! 🙄🙄

You realise that all those trips and breaks away from the kids could end tomorrow? And you could spend the next decade wothout childcare, without a break. Perhaps then you'll be better placed to understand why not everyone chooses that for their life.

Most Women I have met that did not want children are really screwed up after the age of 40. They have fuck all in their lives. 😁

I'm a mother of 2 young adult men. I love them to the moon and back, yadda, yadda.

But they aren't central to my being.

More women should question whether they really want DC or not, before conceiving them. They're all-consuming. Expensive. Fear-inducing. Loud. Annoying. Selfish. -

Yes, loving, cuddly, fun, etc etc.

'I wouldn't change a thing'? etc. if I knew then, what I know now, I'd've still probably had them; probably. But possibly not.

🤣🤣🤣

Absolutely this. I don’t think I’ve ever read so much smug unintelligent crap.

said like it’s not the preferable option if the alternative to ‘fuck all’ is ‘kids’ 💀

I think people who can't understand why some don't want children are perhaps jealous of those who are childfree and can come and go when they please, where ever and whenever they please, and spend money and time on themselves. Almost like the OP and people like her are insecure in their decisions to have children and are envious of their childfree friends. Perhaps OP and those like her regret having children and are "protesting too much" in order to convince themselves. I think OP is jealous and insecure, and envies her friend for making wise decisions.

I’d rather have fuck all than kids!

@somuchtolearnabout

What u have just described there is probably why a lot of people don’t want kids! Hardly sounds fun

I wouldn't want to have children now in this day and age, certainly not in the UK. As someone who strongly believes in physical discipline, and seeing the decline in UK society as the result of the removal of it, I would not want to have to parent children in today's UK society. There is a thread in Chat at the moment where a woman who has a broken sternum gave her son a small smack on the hand when he was lashing out at her physically, and all the people on there saying she knows it's wrong etc, my eyes are rolling so far back in my head at how irrational they are being over discipline that has stood our societies in good stead for decades prior to recently, that I've had to Hide the thread because the temptation to say something to these simpering posters is enormous. The OP did nothing wrong, she is exercising proper discipline and gave him a smack which is what she should do. Luckily where I live the anti-discipline virus hasn't affected us as much as the decaying UK society, but I would never want to have children in the UK today. And no, I am not interested in discussion or debate with anyone about my view on this.

I'd rather have a zero than a minus - a lot of children cannot stand their parents

See now my mum only had me. I don’t have any children. I see her about twice a year and speak once a month or so.

I honestly don’t know if her life now would be any different without me.

I feel sorry for women whose lives are so empty and pointless that they can only feel fulfilled by having children.

Being a parent doesn't define you. Becoming a parent is just one of the many things you can do with your life, not the only thing.

I say this as a parent.

It was the Litter Tray for me. No doubt I'll be viewed as a sad cat lady by some on this thread now!

The smugness on this thread! And I have DC. I bet Kamala Harris has fuck all in her life. Or Helen Mirren.

Or Dolly Parton, or Theresa May.

And what about women who wanted children but couldn’t? Or had children who didn’t live?

What about women who did want and had children but were dreadful mothers, who no longer have any contact with their children.

And what about men? Are men without children empty?

I am a little sceptical of those make absolute statements along the lines that there are no positives to having children (really? Nothing at all?), but that’s that for those posters to consider.

Some people don’t think there are (yes, really, nothing at all). So, for them, those absolute statements are true. They’re not trying to stop anyone else from having kids, so I don’t really see the issue.

I am a little sceptical of those make absolute statements along the lines that there are no positives to having children (really? Nothing at all?), but that’s that for those posters to consider.

I could see that there where no positives FOR ME however I do realise that I'm not everyone and others feel differently.

It’s not really believable though, is it?

I’m not saying there aren’t positives and negatives and on balance, someone might decide against it. But no positives at all?

You’re just repeating yourself, now. Why isn’t it believable that someone who doesn’t want kids sees no positives to having them? What’s unbelievable about it, exactly?