To ask why you didn't want children?

[somuchtolearnabout]

Granted, this is a very goady thread title. For clarity - I'm a mother. Always wanted to be, for as long as I can remember I knew that children were a part of my future and can't imagine a life where I didn't have kids. Admittedly therefore, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want them. Respectfully, can those who chose not to have children explain what it was about having them that you didn't want?

My best friend (she's been my best friend since primary school, was my MOH etc) doesn't want children. Claims she never has. Says she likes sleeping too much, can't be bothered, likes the luxury of being able to spend her money on herself etc. Her fiancé feels the same, doesn't like kids, doesn't want them. She just had a pregnancy scare and admitted that if she had fallen pregnant she would keep it. Which makes me wonder - does she really not want them? Surely if you REALLY didn't want kids, if you fell pregnant you'd terminate?

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids. I just find it really hard to believe (I know I'll get torn to shreds for that, closemindedness isn't an attractive trait it's just the one thing I really struggle to understand)

I also had a shitty mum. Fuck a “mothers love” as far as I’m concerned. She told me when I was 12 not to have kids and that if she’d had her time again she wouldn’t.

People who are awful become mums who are awful. It’s not a magic spell that converts a person into a saint.

(And honestly in my experience it’s not selflessness - the kids just become an egotistical extension of the parent, and they’ll trample on others to benefit them.)

Are less interesting to you. Less accomplished by your measures. Perhaps one thing parenthood develops is an ability to see things from others perspectives. Something you seem to have not developed

I'm on a reddit sub for a sport I don't actually do, now that I think about it. I joined for the bantz.

Ahh this one - says it all

Bren: Don't get your dander (sp?) up Stan.
Stan: Get me dander (sp?) up? Get it up... I wouldn't give it a nudge with a wet flannel!

Yet my quality of sleep is.

No shit! I was posting my opinion, from my perspective about why I don't want to have children. It would be very odd for me to go on a thread asking people why they didn't want children and try and post from someone else's perspective. How odd that you couldn't work that out.

Perhaps one thing parenthood develops is an ability to see things from others perspectives.

The very existence of this thread and quite a lot of the posts would indicate (quite strongly) that this is not the case.

Zero desire for it and I have no intention of being entirely selfless and self sacrificial for the rest of my life. I'm also opting out for environmental reasons and I would not want to bring a child into the world. My partner and I absolutely adore our "dink" lifestyle- we holiday at least 3 times a year, have an immaculate home and we can do exactly as we please! I work hard and earn good money, I like spending this on myself and not having that financial anchor weighing me down for the next 18 years minimum (let's face it, financial support never ends at 18, it's a lifelong commitment). Fitness and sleep are an absolute priority, I could never imagine having to arrange childcare so i could go for a run! I look at parents in pity as I genuinely cannot imagine anything worse, the screaming, tantrums, endless questions, the house becoming filthy... Then you have the adolescent years where they hate you... Absolutely not for me! I'll stick to being a plant mum.

I don’t know but there is something off about some of the reasons why women are rejecting motherhood more than they ever have

Women can ‘reject motherhood’ for any fucking reason they so desire, it’s not for you to decide you think it’s ‘off’ and try to minimise their (totally valid) feelings or convert them to your way of thinking. Utter horse shit.

I hate this fucking thread.

Do we have a childfree bashing full house yet? So far I've seen -

• we shouldn't be on Mumsnet
• we don't know what real love is
• we must have had horrible parents
• we aren't fulfilling what we were put on this planet for
• nobody will look after us when we're old

Any more?

Has it occurred to you that some people came here via something that has nothing to do with children?

It was Penis Beaker for me all those years ago

I don’t know but there is something off about some of the reasons why women are rejecting motherhood more than they ever have

Instead of thinking it's 'off', why not celebrate that women have more options than ever.

And motherhood doesn't need to be the default position. We don't say women are rejecting being nurses (or any other specific role) if they have a different job. Those women simply aren't nurses. They aren't obliged to be, it isn't the default job for women.

We're all just worried about what men will think of us (if we don't want to pee ourselves), we are all just shallow and living Insta lives, we probably do want kids really

I don’t know but there is something off about some of the reasons why women are rejecting motherhood more than they ever have

You do know that motherhood is not compulsory, don't you? You might think it is just 'what you do' but in actual fact, it is a choice. I'd love to know why you think people's reasons for not choosing that option are 'off'. Not wanting a child is reason enough - every single child deserves to be wanted.

According to pocketvenus parents develop an ability to see things from others perspectives
That one made me laugh way too much!

That made me laugh too. The irony

Hmm have we had the 'people regret not having children, but nobody regrets having them' one yet?

It seems it was remiss of me, on a thread asking for people's personal perspectives, to not actually post from a another persons perspective rather than my own! You couldn't make this shit up!

Ah, such saints. They don’t get offended, they understand everyone else’s perspectives…

Despite starting threads because they’re totally bemused as to anyone wouldn’t want to be them, then get offended when people try to explain it…

Because I believe there is more for me to contribute to the world in my life than pro creating and adding another noisy, messy, expensive addition to society in the climate we currently live in.

Feel sick at the thought of being pregnant, fear the mess giving birth would leave my functional body in, and value my career, hobby and independence too much to give it up.

And considering I just spent the weekend with my friends’ toddler and his perspective of the world can only be described as that of a tiny, emotionally unstable narcissist, I’m not sure whether developing that new perspective is up there on my list of goals.

I really must go trampoline jumping one of these days. .

And didn’t you get part way through and think ‘hang on, how can I find this funny when I haven’t grown another human in my body*?’ How could you have been so crass. Read the strap line dammit. This is for parents. Parents! Not other people.

*other ways of becoming a mother are available.

Perhaps one thing parenthood develops is an ability to see things from others perspectives. Something you seem to have not developed nope @pocketvenuss , I was a fully functional adult in my early 30s before I had kids, which included empathy. Didn't need to grow eggs to gain it. If you only gained it after you had kids, that speaks more about YOU than it does motherhood or the lack of it.

For me it was screamed at the Michelangelo. Still one of the best things I’ve read online.