To ask why you didn't want children?

[somuchtolearnabout]

Granted, this is a very goady thread title. For clarity - I'm a mother. Always wanted to be, for as long as I can remember I knew that children were a part of my future and can't imagine a life where I didn't have kids. Admittedly therefore, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want them. Respectfully, can those who chose not to have children explain what it was about having them that you didn't want?

My best friend (she's been my best friend since primary school, was my MOH etc) doesn't want children. Claims she never has. Says she likes sleeping too much, can't be bothered, likes the luxury of being able to spend her money on herself etc. Her fiancé feels the same, doesn't like kids, doesn't want them. She just had a pregnancy scare and admitted that if she had fallen pregnant she would keep it. Which makes me wonder - does she really not want them? Surely if you REALLY didn't want kids, if you fell pregnant you'd terminate?

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids. I just find it really hard to believe (I know I'll get torn to shreds for that, closemindedness isn't an attractive trait it's just the one thing I really struggle to understand)

If we childless people shouldn’t be on MN because we’re not mummies, then perhaps mummies shouldn’t be on a thread that’s for childless people.

Thought not.

Oh the irony 🤦‍♀️

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For someone who thinks the thread, and MN as a whole, is just full of people waiting to be offended you don’t half hang about.

Get what? That I quoted a strapline to this forum and you're losing your mind over it.

I haven't disputed it has other topics of interest other than parenting. I haven't said only parent's should be on here. You're offended that I personally find it odd there are lots of people on here really vocal about being anti children/ anti parenting / anti family. So I wonder what brought them here given the whole premise of the forum is centered around those things.

I know if I had no interest in children, TTC or parenting I wouldn't spend my evenings on here.

Just as I have very little interest in fishing, so when I do the weekly shop I don't buy the Angling Times.

Yeah it's super easy to avoid the Parenting sub-section. AIBU, feminism, Chat etc all offer plenty of non-child-related diversion.
But do continue with the false equivalences.

@hamstersarse one of my friends now can’t laugh without pissing herself, after childbirth. Another now finds sex almost sensationless. Neither of them are upset because of sexist brainwashing or male opinion, they both just fucking miss bladder control and a sex life.

One of those friends almost died giving birth and has PTSD.

My grandmother didn’t have a choice, and she told me she wished she had. I have a choice. I don’t think there is anything “off” about women choosing a different life now they can. I also don’t think there is anything off with women choosing to have babies, I understand that too. But telling women that they’re avoiding doing something “worthy” because it’s hard? That comment makes me sad that you think of us that way. And having a baby isn’t worthy if it ruins your ducking life. I’m not a martyr.

Oh dear. This has gone downhill a bit hasn't it. And all because some people,aren't bright enough to understand that the Internet is a free for all.

I'm spending my evening here because I've spent most of the weekend working, worked from 7am until around 3pm today and have to start again at 6am. I'm too old and too fucking knackered to go out clubbing.

The only person who seems to be offended or losing their mind is you.

If a thread on which women discuss their reasons for not wanting kids is so very offensive to you, then why are you doggedly posting on one? The premise of the whole thread is centred around this so, by your own logic, you should go elsewhere. Yet, here you remain.

I suggest splitting the site - all the parenting threads are on Mumsnet and ALL the other threads are on a subsite called MumsNOT.

Willing to bet I know where the traffic would be.

Because the world is massively overpopulated.

I completely agree. I’ve basically only enjoyed 4 years of uni, and the past year or so. Childhood and 20s were crap. All women ever talk about is their own personal fulfilment and how motherhood makes THEM feel. What if their child absolutely hates being alive, or just doesn’t enjoy working? I’d feel so guilty for bringing someone onto the planet that didn’t even ask to be here.

I’m not losing my mind.
Quote whatever you like.

I don’t understand what exactly you are arguing about.

@VeronicaFranklin

Mumsnet is more like if Mothercare had a good wine section. You don't need to be a mother to buy the wine.

(Though, I imagine many do.)

I’d feel so guilty for bringing someone onto the planet that didn’t even ask to be here
Of course I get what you are saying, but there isnt an option for anyone to ask to be here, we are all randomly called into existence, thrown into the world, ultimately self interest is the driving force for pretty much all we do

I didn’t want kids before social media as it looked like a massively boring drudge. I am still of that opinion.

Now, these days it’s a nightmare to look at social media, pictures of little girls aged around 5 with hands on their hips, “little Miss Sassy”🙄. I wouldn’t want any kind of mine near “little miss sassy”.

I know if I had no interest in children, TTC or parenting I wouldn't spend my evenings on here.

Basically what you're saying is you have no other interests outside of your children?

Apart from the masses of non-parenting sub sections, there are the parking threads...

I bloody love the parking threads.

I'm not offended. When you have kids you have very little time to be offended to be honest.

Not wanting kids isn't offensive to me, I didn't want them, hence I replied to this thread.

Anywho I best scoot, I'm off to join a horse racing forum for some make up tips and interior design advice.

I'm obsessed with the shoes off/on indoors ones. I don't care how many there are, I will read each one and waste hours of my life arguing for my team.

I'm not offended. When you have kids you have very little time to be offended to be honest

Could have fooled me, going by most of the threads on MN.
But maybe it's all us childless infiltrators.
Yes best dash off, I'm sure your sleep is precious.

I totally get some people don’t have maternal urges.
I think for me what I find hard to reconcile is the statement you have made right there. ‘Having children doesn’t trump all other kinds of love’
But that’s exactly it. Yes it does for the vast majority of mothers. The love for their child does exactly that- trump all other kinds of love.
I know what it’s like to be an adult for years and not have children. In fact over half my adult life has been spent without any children. Women who haven’t had children just can’t know what it’s like. That’s not meant to be a mean comment- just a statement of fact. Maybe you wouldn’t have found a different kind love in your children or maybe you would have found an overwhelming all consuming love that you have never experienced before. It’s an unknown. But you cannot state that having children doesn’t trump all other kinds of love because you really don’t know.

I don't like children and have never felt any urge whatsoever to have any. My choice doesn't stem from anything more complex than that.

But I don’t want a “dribble” when I jump or laugh. I want to be able to go to trampoline parks without wearing Tena lady, and not because I’m trying to impress blokes or some shit. Why is that offensive?

When you have kids you have very little time to be offended to be honest.

Is that why Mumsnet, which as you say is only for mums, has a whole section dedicated to inviting people to argue with you over minor non-issues?

Or are all those posters childless?