To ask why you didn't want children?

[somuchtolearnabout]

Granted, this is a very goady thread title. For clarity - I'm a mother. Always wanted to be, for as long as I can remember I knew that children were a part of my future and can't imagine a life where I didn't have kids. Admittedly therefore, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want them. Respectfully, can those who chose not to have children explain what it was about having them that you didn't want?

My best friend (she's been my best friend since primary school, was my MOH etc) doesn't want children. Claims she never has. Says she likes sleeping too much, can't be bothered, likes the luxury of being able to spend her money on herself etc. Her fiancé feels the same, doesn't like kids, doesn't want them. She just had a pregnancy scare and admitted that if she had fallen pregnant she would keep it. Which makes me wonder - does she really not want them? Surely if you REALLY didn't want kids, if you fell pregnant you'd terminate?

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids. I just find it really hard to believe (I know I'll get torn to shreds for that, closemindedness isn't an attractive trait it's just the one thing I really struggle to understand)

Exactly. I've been quite active on here for years and have never posted on one child related thread.

What?! Can women not just care about their bodies for themselves? I couldn’t give a fuck what men think about me, but I currently like what I see in the mirror and the fact my vagina is intact. For me. Not for anyone else. But as many, many others have said, it’s not even about that. It’s just a very basic lack of the desire to have kids, and I don’t know why you can’t seen to process that.

As for your other post, motherhood does look completely shit to me. That doesn’t mean I think mothers should be discriminated against or penalised in society (I’m actually very pro more support for them, and would happily pay more tax towards free childcare despite not wanting kids myself). But I have absolutely zero desire to experience anything about being a mother, even the “good” bits. I don’t WANT to care about anyone more than I care about myself. I have no interest in feeling parental love or how rewarding it might be to see your kid learn to wipe their own arse. Everything about it looks like a life sentence of drudgery. I’m fully cognisant of the fact that other people feel differently and enjoy it and think the negative bits are worth it. That’s great for them. Doesn’t mean I can’t have an opinion on what I think it would be like for me.

The whole purpose of mumsnet is for everyone to get offended isn't it? That's what I see in 99% of threads.

I am quoting the mumsnet logo and strap line from google. What is wrong with that? The marketing team have specifically marketed this forum towards parents/ parents to be.

You don't have to be a parent to be on here, as you have put it yourself you can be TTC and looking for support, but what I find strange is the number of people on here really anti-parenting / anti-children... So for them to be on here is odd given that most people on here either have children or would like to have children and the whole marketing premise of this forum is around parenting in one form or another (and that includes TTC !)

It's like some people wandered through the wrong door just to tell everyone they're still entitled to be here. (Which of course they are, as it's a forum) it still doesn't mean it isn't odd though (in my opinion).

So the style & beauty threads are for parents only? Feminism & women’s rights? Pets, gardening, film/tv, housekeeping, recipes? The royal family? All those topics are for parents only. I am so sorry I didn’t realise that!

Ok I’ll leave MN now. Damn I’m going to miss sporner corner so much!

Like joining a motorbike forum just to say you don't drive a motorbike and hate bikers. Would seem a bit odd

It would be, if every single thread were about motorbikes. But say there were threads about feminism, and surfing, and what temperature your heating is on at, and arguments about covid, and someone asking for advice because their partner is cheating, and and and....
Possibly at that point some non-bikers might join, and contribute.

Awww crumpets I was joking, I completely agree with you fwiw. This is a forum for everyone x

hamstersarse, I'm not quite sure what you're hoping to achieve by your posts - change the minds of women, who for whatever reason, have made a conscious decision not to have children?

Why would you want someone who has no interest in having kids, and has probably thought long and hard (generally much longer and harder than many who do have children) about their decision to suddenly think, why yes, I got it wrong, parenthood is always an unalloyed success, fulfilling and the only thing that makes life worthwhile, I am a selfish, lazy, money motivated cow bag, must change my priorities and procreate immediately.

@VeronicaFranklin I initially came to MN with questions on periods and contraception. Other women are the best people to ask. Is that OK with you? Or do I need to start Wedontwanttobemumsnet?

Guess I’m off to the Reddit echo chamber. I always thought it was healthy not to get stuck in echo chambers but clearly not welcome here

Stay, you're very welcome. And if not, stay to be a pain in the arse, fuck them, who made them prefects.

It's like some people wandered through the wrong door just to tell everyone they're still entitled to be here. (Which of course they are, as it's a forum) it still doesn't mean it isn't odd though (in my opinion).

This is a thread about people who don't want children. Yet here you are. How odd.

Where exactly did I say women without kids shouldn't be on here?

I didn't.

Just never wanted them and at 49 it's not an issue any more.

I thibk if I ever became pregnant I would terminate without much angst.

But I am also prepared that MAYBE something would kick in and I'd want it.whatever instinct makes women want kids. To avoid ever finding this out I made sure I had iron clad contraception (implants or injections).

Even people with motorbikes don't just talk about motorbikes. They have other issues like work, CF friends, parking disputes, in-laws, bridezilla SILs, stepbikes etc.

Never once had the urge or pull or interest.
I value hugely my freedom and independence.
Could also have been an subconscious thing in that I didn't want to be a mother like my own mother.
Was in a shop last week and a woman came in with two young girls around 6/7.
Jesus the highpitched whinging and whining and squirming and attention-seeking. I could barely tolerate a minute of it, let alone years!

Do you really not get it?

There is so much aside from children to interest women on this forum. For me personally it’s that it’s a female centred forum. It STARTED as a parenting forum but has moved on a great deal from there.

@VeronicaFranklin the title of this thread is very clearly aimed at childfree women? Why did you click on it and comment? That’s odd.

Im a mother and I obviously love my kids but it's really hard at times and for all the reasons childless people say they don't want them it makes sense. I believe a lot of us (I like to say most but I'm not so sure these days) but yes still the majority for the most part end up having kids because we find it hard to resist the biological urge to pro create, even people who are just not careful enough want them at some point because people who really don't are very careful not to it seems.

Face it though, if most of us didn't have kids then we are humans would be screwed, we need kids to grow in to able body adults. Imagine most of us being old with few able bodied adults to fix/build out houses, cars, be doctors and nurses, cleaners, teachers, working in jobs that are 8 or 12 hours! Full time. Imagine having to keep working until you die and old people looking after old people who have dementia in nursing homes, and you are 70/80 yourself!

Thankfully people want kids and are raised to adulthood and thankfully some people don't, so it balances the population!

They're a pain in the arse.

I was someone who didn't want children for XYZ reasons. It is my understanding that the OP wanted to know people's reasoning for not wanting children (which initially I didn't) So I have contributed.

Although I can see it's a thread full of people just waiting to be offended by anything and everything.

Addendum: thank you to all the women who had children so I didn't have to!

I s'pose cos it's an Internet forum and you can click and reply and what you want and scroll on past what you don't without having to justify it to anyone.

Wandered in through the wrong door I guess.

Kind of like how you can join a forum and post on it without having to justify it to anyone.

Wandered in through the wrong door I guess.

And then just.... stayed. Like an odd person. But that's okay, she has her special MN membership that she birthed.

😂😂😂😂