To ask why you didn't want children?

[somuchtolearnabout]

Granted, this is a very goady thread title. For clarity - I'm a mother. Always wanted to be, for as long as I can remember I knew that children were a part of my future and can't imagine a life where I didn't have kids. Admittedly therefore, I struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want them. Respectfully, can those who chose not to have children explain what it was about having them that you didn't want?

My best friend (she's been my best friend since primary school, was my MOH etc) doesn't want children. Claims she never has. Says she likes sleeping too much, can't be bothered, likes the luxury of being able to spend her money on herself etc. Her fiancé feels the same, doesn't like kids, doesn't want them. She just had a pregnancy scare and admitted that if she had fallen pregnant she would keep it. Which makes me wonder - does she really not want them? Surely if you REALLY didn't want kids, if you fell pregnant you'd terminate?

I'm just curious what the true legitimate reasons are for those who didn't want kids. I just find it really hard to believe (I know I'll get torn to shreds for that, closemindedness isn't an attractive trait it's just the one thing I really struggle to understand)

Did you misunderstood what the question was?

I definitely get envious of my childless/free friends occasionally, usually during the evening routine when DD is refusing to get in the bath or have her hair brushed etc.

I think the issue is wanting to be a parent is very very different from actually being a good parent. Ive no doubt some of the child free women on here would make brilliant mums if they did it. Equally there’s an awful lot of shitty parents who ‘really wanted kids’ and say their children mean the world to them, but are unfit.

There’s no way of telling until you do it which is why saying ‘make sure you want them’ is basically useless.

I suppose I just considered the risk worth taking in order to create the life I wanted for myself eventually.

@RampantIvy This thread has really made me see that. I can hold my hands up and say this isn't a thread I really researched before asking, I just thought to myself "I wonder why". I'd probably have recognised that if I'd really sat down and thought about it, but thank you for sharing. My children are still young but I've probably aged 10 years since having them. Not that I'd change it. For me (& hopefully you) it's been worth it, for many others it wouldn't be

Such an odd question to ask, I can only imagine the OP is severely lacking in empathy/emotional intelligence if she’s unable to comprehend why some people have a different preference to her. And baffled that she’ll only accept a “true legitimate reason”, would love to know what makes the grade!

This one here ☝🏼!

Yep, I don’t want pets either 😬 Allergic to all of them anyway!

Houseplants all the way

Signing out of here now, thanks for all the replies (even the ones calling me odd / judgmental / lacking in emotional intelligence etc.) Luckily I don't resort to name calling and insults (unless absolutely necessary) and don't get easily offended, and I have enjoyed a healthy debate with the majority. Hope everyone enjoys their evening!

In that case kc431 I’d say enjoy Your peace and quiet!

Unfortunately I don’t think the stigma will really ever go away. We will always have to justify our reasons and explain to women like @somuchtolearnabout. She could have just done a search and found the many, many threads asking the same question, but no she had to come in with her wide eyed faux innocence of I’m just being nosey.

Yes it is. I just don't think I'd be a particularly good parent. I'm indecisive, have not got a lot of patience, not maternal, pregnancy gives me the creeps and children just annoy the hell out of me. I find them incredibly irritating and not cute at all. I had just assumed my upbringing has something to do with it, didn't grow up around other children apart from when I was at school and maybe it stems from that. The idea of having my own children seems wonderful, but the reality of it all, frightens the life out of me.

We would be boring if we were all the same I guess lol!

The irony of the OP posting this response is just delicious!

This.

Indeed. You’re free to be as unpleasantly disingenuous as you like and we’re free to call you out on it.

Strongly suspect that you are now going to nc and distance yourself from this embarrassment of a post forevermore. I don’t blame you.

Okay I’m questioning op’s intentions now.

👏👏👏👏👏👏

I know! 😂 Zero self awareness. These people walk amongst us.

@Hills2022 hahahahahha you're just annoyed you didn't think of it first!

Not at all, I didn't come here to pick a fight but after a long day I've just got increasingly less tolerance for people just being straight up insulting for the sake of it. Nasty little bullies who sit behind their phone tapping away and being nasty to random strangers on the internet. Then having the wherewithal to call me odd?

This is the last time I post on here about anything like this. Very sensitive personal stuff that I don’t share and it’s all for a bit of a laugh and a goad? Thanks op.

It's the irony that's delicious, not your ugly phrasing. But i am not sure you will understand that.

Nobody is bullying you. You don’t have to ‘bite’. You come across like you’re enjoying it which is the way all the threads on this go. You’ve got your lot from me.

What I find weird about this thread is the fact it is on Mumsnet...The UK's most popular forum for parents...and so many people lurking on here who aren't parents/don't like or want children so it strikes me as odd they'd choose to spend their time on here tbh.

I have one child a DD who is 5 months old. Disclaimer - I love her to bits but I'll be honest in the fact that adapting to life with her has been a challenge.

Before having her I wasn't entirely sure I wanted children, I've been with DH 11 years and married for 5 years. I love my independence, travel, space, freedom to do what I want when I want and I thought a child would ruin all of that.

It hasn't...but what it has meant is that we have had to adapt ourselves and our life.

When DD arrived she changed our lives massively, I don't think I realised how much she would change our lives, the biggest change is the overwhelming sense of responsibility & worry...she sleeps pretty well and is a fairly easy baby so we are lucky in that sense.

She's slotted in pretty well to our lives and I am fortunate to have a very supporting DH so there's still a lot we can do that we did before, just takes a bit more planning/thought.

I do still miss the carefree days without DD sometimes, but if I didn't have her I would miss out on a whole lot of love/joy/happiness.

What changed my mind about having kids was when I realised I was getting older and that the choice might soon be taken away from me, then I realised that actually, I did want a family. Not sure if we'll ever have a sibling for her but for now we're getting used to life as a family of 3.

Mumsnet is just a forum babe, in the same way Reddit is. It stopped being exclusively for mums yonks ago.

@BeansOnToast32 I get it. My boy is nearly 12 now and whenever he has a bad day - doesn't eat for example, which isn't good as he's diabetic, I think this is it. But so far he's pulled through. He had DKA and was given 24 h but he was home 2 days later. I swear he got throu on sheer obstinacy and willpower.

They are amazing aren't they. I just think that while he is fighting and loving his life so much, I owe it to him to give him everything he needs.

I'll never be without a dog. To me, they are the absolute best and worth everything. My dad now lives with me and hasn't had a dog for years, but he and my boy have developed such a lovely bond that it's made me see a different, happier and softer side of my dad.

for your loss, but she was one lucky pup, as is your new one. May they bring you a lifetime of happiness.

Oh there had to be one.