Hendo - Feel like crying!

[TeaPlzx]

Hi! First thread here. I'm (F/29) attending a close friends hen do, there's 9 of us staying in a large, swanky cottage (pool, hot tub, sauna, etc.) The bedrooms are made up of multiple king size/double rooms and there's one small room with a bunk bed (designed for kids) and pull-out single (mattress on the floor). I can't express how different this room is to the others, imagine an empty room, with tiny kids bunks and a mattress, that's the extent of it. No wardrobe, no cosy lighting, etc.

Each person has paid approx. £300 for a 2 night stay, including a stripper at the venue and food. Alcohol will have to be purchased separately...
Everyone has been placed in double/king sized rooms (some are sharing, but others not), all with ensuits, however, I've been assigned (without discussion) the small room on my own, without bathroom (will use the "family" shared bathroom). I feel this anger, that I'm paying the same as everyone else, they're all in 5* luxury beds with their own bathrooms and I'm on a pull-out style frame/matress on the floor.

I'm most frustrated that it wasn't even discussed with me, just assigned/assumed I'd take that room. I've briefly raised it with the organiser and she's stated she offered the largest rooms to those sharing (mostly siblings/mums with daughters) and the other two people who aren't sharing (like me), one is pregnant and the other is mother of the stag. Am I unreasonable to still feel upset and not want to be in the tiny bedroom with mattress on the floor? If she feels too embarrassed to allocate that room to MIL, or to herself even, why should I be in there?
I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm feeling VERY bitter about it al.

I'm sure the organiser wouldn't mind you speaking to everyone else to see if they want to swop or give you a rebate. And then you can organise the next hen do.

I often organise group holidays but always make it clear I will be making decisions like this and anyone not happy with that can take over the organising. Funnily enough noone has ever offered. And people choose to come again.

I don't have any friends that would pull this stunt!

@Juliejuly I'd say so. Then there's the other side, the people sharing a king are paying way over the odds per room. Can of worms I wouldnt want to he opening! Just crack on and have a ball at the hen night!

How many of the guests have a room to themselves?

This is why most hen parties end up in tears or with people falling out. Wouldn’t organise another if I was paid to do the job. Either go and have a nice time or don’t go, but don’t spoil it for everyone else by moaning.

To be honest I’d be more annoyed if I was in a shared room paying the same as you with your own room. I hate sharing!

We had a shared holiday cottage thing, and one couple had to have the kids room with twin beds, whilst the other two couples had big rooms with King size and ensuites.
We picked out a name randomly, but the sweetener was that the couple with the rubbish room did not have to bring the alcohol or food for the weekend.
It is unrealistic to expect someone to be delighted and content if their sleeping arrangements are a mattress on the floor, but it is much easier if there is recognition and a bit of a treat instead.
The OP sounds very reasonable, I'm sure this would have helped.

I’d rather sleep in a bunk bed in my own room than share with someone, even a close friend

I’d be annoyed if I was paying £300 to share a room and some people got their own room for the same price. Maybe not you, but the ones with nicer rooms!

You have a choice. Either focus on this one issue to the exclusion of everything else and have a miserable time (and possibly make the others uncomfortable for the weekend unless you're an amazing actress) or say "fuck it" - it's two nights out of your life, you'll only be sleeping in it (and can snore drunkenly with no one to disturb!) and have a brilliant time with your friends. Your choice.

If you check page 11, you'll see example images of the respective beds. The bed I'm assigned is essentially a mattress very slightly elevated from the ground.

I would have been happy to share with probably any 4 of the 9 of us going. Bride is my best friend and I'm very close to her Mum and sisters. I'd have like to have been given the option to share, as opposed to sleeping (near enough) on the floor in a bedroom alone down the corridoor.

Also, to confirm, bride doesn't have a daughter. Everyone attending is aged 20+.

It might have been better to work it out per room with a different price attached. Some people are paying £600 to share, you’re paying £300 for the room you have, but don’t share and some are paying £300 for the whole bed and en-suite to themselves. It’s not too fair. I personally would rather not share a bed so would take the room I had over sharing, but a fancy room wouldn’t spoil my enjoyment of the weekend. It’s the people and what you do that makes a break for me, not the room I will sleep in. Appreciate everyone is different though. It’s worth asking everyone though as I’d swap with you if I’d paid £300 to share. Or see how you get on night 1. I’ve organised a hen weekend and it’s not easy, so I can see why she’s just split the cost per person and not got too complicated. She’s tried her best and it is better you approach people direct than her act as go between passing on messages. If no-one will swap let it go and just enjoy yourself, life is too short

Are there other rooms at the hotel? Can you ask for your money back and book a separate room?

Is there a joint area where every will hang out? On hen dos I’ve been to, either there was a communal room we spent all our time in, or we hung out in the biggest bedroom. I agree with pp that if it’s a good hen do you’ll just use the mattress to sleep, surely the reason you’re going is to enjoy and spend time with the people there?

You could also try asking if you can share with someone - although I’d much rather have my own 2 room than have to share a 5 room.

I personally would hate to share a room and so would go for the box room if they were the options.... but l totally understand that you're not me!

To make it comfier put the bunkbed mattresses on the floor next to the single mattress, so it become a double. I'd also ask that no one uses te bathroom bar yourself.

@TeaPlzx go and be a good sport, or just don’t go.
Maybe your reputation for farting/snoring/sleep talking has been widely discussed by the other hens 😜
And of course you don’t have to sleep on the trundle bed, you can sleep on the bottom bunk. With the stripper on the top one😳

If you’re good friends with 4 of the 9 then just ask if someone fancies switching. I’d be surprised if someone didn’t want to, I’d absolutely chew your hand off for a private room down a nice quiet corridor! And yes that camp bed thing is a bit weird but I’d happily sleep in the bottom bunk, it’s just a single bed, and that’s loads better than fancy decor but in a bed with a mate who gets up to use the loo overnight and snores when pissed!

You have all the other facilities. If the bride is a close friend I'd keep quiet and get in with it for the sake of the relationship. If you don't care then crack in and moan. Surely your only sleeping in it and I'd rather not share myself.

YANBU. £300 for a mattress, some food and a stripper seems ridiculous frankly. I would definitely ask to pay less for the accommodation - you should be able to ask how much the entire house cost and take a discount for yourself and they make up the rest.

It's still a weekend of your life, and your hard earned money. You shouldn't need to subsidise everyone else when your experience will be crap. The organiser doing a crap job at finding somewhere with enough beds isn't your problem. Weddings are a celebration of a couple, and a hen do can be a part of it- but it shouldn't require any guest to be out of pocket and miserable. As a bride I'd be annoyed and mortified that you are expected to sleep on a mattress to celebrate me! I'd be tempted to not bother going, come up with a last minute excuse - if you haven't already paid up yet.

You absolutely should not be paying the same as everyone else for an obviously shittier room than anyone else has been allocated, whatever the reasoning..

I'd personally be asking for a full refund and booking myself in to the nearest luxury hotel.

In answer to "what shall I do then" I said earlier in the thread you should suggest to the organiser that you'll take your compensation in the form of not having to chip in for additional costs like booze/anything else. That'll probably save you at least £50.

I did see the photos, I'd still personally prefer that bed to sharing one.
One of the last hen do's I went on I had to share a sofa bed in a living room so it looks much better than that.

I've already said I think the organiser should have asked before allocating. If you are happy to share I'd message asking if anyone wants to swap. Not sure what other options you have -if you started saying you should pay less for your room then others might say they should pay less for not even having their own bed. Not sure how your plan of just getting in with one of the others would work either - sounds like they already have shared beds and 3 will be a crowd. Can't imagine the mil wanting a random she doesn't know climbing into bed with her either!

I couldn't see an answer to this, but I apologise if you did answer - Why does pregnant friend get a king-size bed to herself? Why can you not share with her?

I think the key point here though is that I (and therefore presumably potentially some of the number of people going on the trip) would much rather have even a super basic room than share a bed with someone - so you could ask politely. I'm not great at wording that sort of thing but maybe something like:

Hi everyone, looking forward to seeing you all this weekend. I can see I have been allocated a single room. I am very happy to share with someone if I could make an exchange that meant I had an en suite, so I just wanted to check if anyone would rather swap and have a room to themselves instead? No worries if not, but I know some people have different priorities so I thought I would ask and see :)"

Or someone else might have better wording than me !

Wait till you get there - you might be able to put both bunk bed mattresses on the floor and put the other mattress on top to make something really comfy.

You might find that the communal sofas are really lovely and decide to sleep there. One of the others who isn't sharing a room might offer you a space with them once they see the difference in accommodation. One of the people sharing might prefer to have their own room.

I think her reasoning makes sense but it's not fair on you, she should have messaged the whole group and explained the situation and asked for ideas. Maybe everyone chips in to cover your share of the bar bill for example?

The organisers reasons are fair BUT she should have discussed this with you first. And what room has the organiser put herself in? Ask for a shit room discount, or to swap with the organiser in her 5* room. Then it would be fair.

Many years ago I was in a similar situation, everyone else had fabulous huge 4 posters and en-suites, I was on the ground floor in a single OAP bendy bed (the ones with a controller to raise the head or end) and the bathroom was miles away that anyone could use. Guess where everyone ended up at the end of the night - drunk and giggling taking turns on the bendy bed. The organiser also got an earful from the bride for giving herself the best room. Sometimes having the shit room next to where all the booze and nibbles are stashed makes for the best time.