Hendo - Feel like crying!

[TeaPlzx]

Hi! First thread here. I'm (F/29) attending a close friends hen do, there's 9 of us staying in a large, swanky cottage (pool, hot tub, sauna, etc.) The bedrooms are made up of multiple king size/double rooms and there's one small room with a bunk bed (designed for kids) and pull-out single (mattress on the floor). I can't express how different this room is to the others, imagine an empty room, with tiny kids bunks and a mattress, that's the extent of it. No wardrobe, no cosy lighting, etc.

Each person has paid approx. £300 for a 2 night stay, including a stripper at the venue and food. Alcohol will have to be purchased separately...
Everyone has been placed in double/king sized rooms (some are sharing, but others not), all with ensuits, however, I've been assigned (without discussion) the small room on my own, without bathroom (will use the "family" shared bathroom). I feel this anger, that I'm paying the same as everyone else, they're all in 5* luxury beds with their own bathrooms and I'm on a pull-out style frame/matress on the floor.

I'm most frustrated that it wasn't even discussed with me, just assigned/assumed I'd take that room. I've briefly raised it with the organiser and she's stated she offered the largest rooms to those sharing (mostly siblings/mums with daughters) and the other two people who aren't sharing (like me), one is pregnant and the other is mother of the stag. Am I unreasonable to still feel upset and not want to be in the tiny bedroom with mattress on the floor? If she feels too embarrassed to allocate that room to MIL, or to herself even, why should I be in there?
I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm feeling VERY bitter about it al.

Yabu to be having a stripper!

I would pull out - it's not your job to make it easy for other people to pay for what (imo) is a very expensive hen do. It probably isn't personal, but it certainly is unfair. As you said - you could get much better quality accommodation elsewhere for the same money.

I hoped it was a typo and it was about Hondo from SWAT.

Thats a shame, had you carried on reading you'd have seen the stripper wasn't the OP's idea.

Didn't know. We were shown the accomodation but didn't know how many of us were going, I was under the impression we'd all have use of king-size rooms with or without en-suites. Had I known, I would have suggested whoever has that room pay a little less/not chip in for booze and that we draw that person fairly (excluding preggo and bride).

I don't understand why you'd fork out £300 without knowing exactly what your getting for it.

I think her reasons are valid, but your paying the same as others is not ok.

It’s bad enough having a stripper but then reading about MIL and mother of bride going along - I'm cringing.

I’m kind of with the people who think having your own room will end up being better than sharing with someone. I’d hate not to have my own space.

How much are people paying?
£300 per head or
£300 per room (eg 150 each to share)
Are you paying £300 for box bunked room and pregnant person paying £300 for single en-suite?
Are sharers paying £600 combined?

I think that this is a problem with agreeing to anything like this.

It's already pretty expensive so hiring a bigger place probably isn't an option.

There's often a shit room.

You were daft to agree though if you had seen the room in advance & knew that there was a chance of you being allocated it.

I'd be hoping at least that I wouldn't be buying drinks whilst there I think...

Also - when did hen do's get so bloody expensive! Ive just turned down an invite to one as it had a similar pricetag excluding additional food and alcohol because tbh as much as I like the bride i just dont want to outlay 400 or so quid on a weekend to a destination not of my choosing, in company not of my choosing.

That's wihtout the additional expense her wedding will naturally incur, becayse like most weddings these days its: d e s t i n a t i o n so: travel, acccom, drink, gift, days off work

SO much more I could do with that money and to ask people to outlay that much blows my mind

Night out - fine

hundreds of pounds - no

rant over

I get you're disappointed when you were looking forward to a weekend of a bit of glam and luxury and now you find you're in the cubby hole at the end of a corridor away from everyone else. I'm not even sure I like the idea that it's so bare because 'it'll do for the kids' when other people hire it.

If the MIL doesn't know you it's not personal, but I notice that she gets a double room to herself. I also think she's being a coward not talking to you. She doesn't want to get involved in any discussion because she knows no-one would really choose that room for the same reasons as you.

So yes, it is unfair. But if the bride is a close friend as you say, you probably have to suck it up. It wouldn't be right to her if you said you weren't going just because you don't like your room, because it says to her that you don't value her enough to put this aside. You've got a couple of weeks to get used to the idea, and presumably there are some nice swish communal rooms too that you can use.

Have a good time regardless, it's only two days.

Each person is paying £300 regardless of room.

Eg...
Pregnant friend pays £300 and receives king-size bed to herself & en-suite.

I pay £300 and receive a mattress on floor and bunk bed.

Organiser pays £300 and shares a king-size bed with daughter (also paying £300) and they share an en-suite together.

That is shit then. For everyone, you are all badly off aside from the three sjngles int he king size en-suites!

Bad luck

does it spoil it for you?

I had the same once, everyone was in cosy doubles and single rooms, and I got the sofa bed in the living room.

it ended up being a really fun weekend, and I decided not to sweat it. I don’t like sharing a double bed with friends anyway

Also, I did not help with washing up etc as I felt I’d done my bit 😁

it all turned out not to spoil my weekend. Hope it’s the same for you

I'd be so annoyed if I was you op. I'd feel like the least liked of the bunch being put in the crap room. I wouldn't pay £300 to sleep on the floor in a kids room. I'd probably just sulk and get really wound up about it. Grown up me would be telling myself to voice my opinion in a nice way so that I'm not in a mood while on the hen do. If it was fair organiser woukd have put herself in the cral kids room. Seeing as she organised a cottage with not enough decent rooms.

Tbh, I'm not sure what else the organiser could have done. If everyone else is already partnered up, and the three singles are you, pregnant person and the (presumably 25 years older) MIL, she was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Names in a hat for those to share a bed would be far worse imo. Not everyone is comfortable sharing a room, let alone a bed, with someone they don't know well and may have valid, private reasons for needing to share with their mum (for example) rather than a friend. I'd (personally) not attend an overnight if I were sharing with anyone other than my mum. Though I would a million times rather sleep on a camp bed in tiniest room than even sharing with her, so I'm probably particularly antisocial!

Even changing the cost a little would be a nightmare for the organiser. She'd be open to multiple people all wanting to keep costs down by going in the little room, or everyone wanting to pay more to share a nicer room. I almost always feel sorry for the organiser in things like this. Trying to accommodate everyone's preferences but keep the bride as a priority. Whatever they do they almost always end up with people whining about something.

That said, hiring a stripper is gross. I'd be finding something else to do while (s)he was there!

Ask her to swap and see what she says.

I'd ask for some money back if I were you, on the basis that the room element- especially the rather key bed element- of your 5 accommodation is not 5.

I also think the very obvious answer here was for the organiser to shuffle things round so her Dd was either in with you- if you're friends, or you and her Dd were in with different friends respectively and take the dud room herself. I think it doesn't say much for her that she hasn't. Heavy is the head that wears the waggling willy deely boppers crown and all that...

Organiser pays £300 and shares a king-size bed with daughter (also paying £300) and they share an en-suite together.

So they are paying £600 to share a bed and you think you are being hard done by???

I would be annoyed.. and isn't it always the the same ppl who end up with the better room etc and those that have more money and nicer houses too

I'm not sure what else the organiser could have done

She could have organized it so that the person who stayed in the smaller room paid less and made this know to everyone. If anyone wanted to keep costs down, they could take that room. If more than one person wanted it, they could have drawn straws. She could have drawn names from a hat for all the people staying, barring, perhaps, the hen, and the pregnant friend.

I think she's cheeky. I'd message her.

"I've got a dodgy back and need to sleep on a proper bed. I imagined at £300 I'd be getting one!

Can you arrange for someone to swap. Perhaps we could all chip in a bit extra so the person who doesn't have a bed doesn't have to pay as much. "

Or.
"Ha I'm not paying £300 to sleep on a mattress on the floor ! Do i look like a mug to you (insert lots of laughing faces)? You'll have to find someone else who doesn't mind the floor or knock something off !!"

I do think you've ended up with the short straw but someone needs to have that room and it seems like it's been done as fairly as possible.

Your also not paying that much money for just a bedroom if there is a pool, hot tub and sauna which you will have just as much access to as anyone else.
It's only for two nights and it's not anything personal, unless you plan not to go there isn't much you can do.

Christ!!! Do you have many girlfriends 🤣🤣. Definitely don't send these passive aggressive fake jokey messages.

@MrsToothyBitch Are you seriously saying it would be better to share a king sized bed with someone you're not related to, than have your own single space?