Hendo - Feel like crying!

[TeaPlzx]

Hi! First thread here. I'm (F/29) attending a close friends hen do, there's 9 of us staying in a large, swanky cottage (pool, hot tub, sauna, etc.) The bedrooms are made up of multiple king size/double rooms and there's one small room with a bunk bed (designed for kids) and pull-out single (mattress on the floor). I can't express how different this room is to the others, imagine an empty room, with tiny kids bunks and a mattress, that's the extent of it. No wardrobe, no cosy lighting, etc.

Each person has paid approx. £300 for a 2 night stay, including a stripper at the venue and food. Alcohol will have to be purchased separately...
Everyone has been placed in double/king sized rooms (some are sharing, but others not), all with ensuits, however, I've been assigned (without discussion) the small room on my own, without bathroom (will use the "family" shared bathroom). I feel this anger, that I'm paying the same as everyone else, they're all in 5* luxury beds with their own bathrooms and I'm on a pull-out style frame/matress on the floor.

I'm most frustrated that it wasn't even discussed with me, just assigned/assumed I'd take that room. I've briefly raised it with the organiser and she's stated she offered the largest rooms to those sharing (mostly siblings/mums with daughters) and the other two people who aren't sharing (like me), one is pregnant and the other is mother of the stag. Am I unreasonable to still feel upset and not want to be in the tiny bedroom with mattress on the floor? If she feels too embarrassed to allocate that room to MIL, or to herself even, why should I be in there?
I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm feeling VERY bitter about it al.

Agreed.

When I've organized similar I've suggested the shit room be subsidised by the non shit room occupants than asked someone who I know was pushed for money if they wanted to have a cheaper but less nice room. They said yes. I guess it's a bit harder on a hen do though as there are load of other things to organise and it's more difficult having these conversations when not everyone knows everyone else well.

Are there any spaces that you could ask someone if you can share with them? Ita tricky for the organiser as it's a bit of a thankless task anyway and they probably made an oversight but now can't really go and ask others to pay more.

You could speak to them though and explain you understand their reasons and wont ask to move but you do think it's unfair paying the same to receive less and subsidise everyones luxury rooms. Ask if she will consider redistributing some of the other costs that havent already been agreed (food? Travel?) to compensate

YANBU

Whilst the organisers reasoning makes sense - she shouldn't have just allocated you the room. It should have been transparent from the start and discussed - you certainly shouldn't be paying as much as someone in a swanky room.

Did you realise there was a room like this before it was allocated to you? If so then you are a bit UR not to bring it up before you realised it was you going in it.

Hopefully you won't be spending much time in your room anyway and it won't make much difference to you - enjoy the pool, hot tub and sauna!

That’s a piss take.

It should have been discussed and decided fairly.

I would be upset too op.

It only makes sense if OP was clearly told about this beforehand, and is paying considerably less than the others. OP they are hugely taking the piss and I'd be bloody livid.

To add there's no bloody way I'd have let this happen when I organised my hen do which was a super complicated trip for a bunch of reasons. If the room had been a surprise to us all I'd have been apologising profusely and working out tactics to accommodate. Friends at hen do's have given a lot of money and time to honouring the bride's special day, and in today's economy who has the money to Piss away a five star bill on a shit room?! The bride should be much nicer about this.

Those who agree it's a piss-take, thank you and what do you all suggest? :-(

I've spoken with the organiser already, in a diplomatic way, but she's shut down any interest in getting involved with changing allocation of rooms.She said she has tried to be as fair as possible and it is very stressful to keep everyone happy, but unfortunately I've drawn the short straw...

The hen-do is two weeks away and I've paid my £300 already, if I drop out, it'll cost the others more and upset my close friend, so not really an option. I feel it's too uncomfortable to push the issue further with the organiser (also a family member of the bride) and I don't want to mention it to my friend (the bride) as this is her special event.

Do I just assume organiser is a terrible event planner/communicator and suck it up? ;-/

She was being a dick when she suggested you swap with pregnant woman

If I was another hen on this do, and I saw your room I would be MORTIFIED. It’s not fair for you to be paying the same!

If I were you, I would message the group/hendo WhatsApp and say:

hi all, I know how difficult these things are to organise but since I’ve found out I’m going to be in the small kids bedroom with bunk bed and no bathroom I feel a bit uncomfortable paying the same as everyone else being honest. When I originally saw the picture of this room on the site I didn’t think any of us would be staying in it, but now that I am having to I would like to pay a bit less for the accommodation if that’s ok. It just doesn’t feel as fair to be paying the same when everyone else has double beds / en suites. Understand that due to numbers one of us had to be in there, and looks like I drew the short straw, but I think the cost per night is too steep. Really hope you understand, equally if rather than me paying less someone is happy to let me share in with them happy to do that - just think the cost for the room is too pricey for what it is. If I weren’t staying in that room, and someone else was, I would also insist they pay less. Hope you understand (happy to bring more booze!) xx

something like that, I really think everyone will totally agree with you!!

How does it look in terms of layout? Something like this?

Room 1 - brides sister (organiser)and niece
Room 2 - bride and her daughter
Room 3 - mil
Room 4 - pregnant woman
Room 5 - 2 more people (also related?)
Room 6 - you

If so it makes a lot of sense. Who do you want to share with? At least it's not a sofa bed

😂😂😂

Honestly, I wouldn't do this, I'd take it up with just the person planning the hen. I'd say, "I paid you £300 for one of the fancy rooms I was shown, not for a child's bedroom" and let her sort the sleeping arrangements. £300 is a huge amount of money for me. It shouldn't be up to OP to find her own bed when she was told she was paying for one of the nice bedrooms. The organiser hasnt done her job properly.

This is spot on. Whoever goes in it gets a reduction. Or you're happy to share a bigger room with someone. Or someone else goes in the small room for a reduced price. Very reasonable and very fair.

This is besides the point but who the hell goes on a hen do with future mother in law??
No way would I want a stripper in my face in front of my future husbands mum nor would I be able to enjoy myself properly with her there

Are the people sharing paying £300 a head? If so the double rooms are costing £600 for the weekend. Maybe if you offered to pay £600 for a double room, the current inhabitants could pay £300 for yours between them and get their costs down to £150 each. That's a lot to save so somebody might swap.

I don't think you should pay less as that opens a huge can of worms - in theory anybody with a room smaller than the largest should pay less. How do you work that out?

Given the bit about crying, I thought it was going to say Hendo's Relish had been discontinued. I'd cry.

I agree the whole "I sholuldnt have to pay as much for the room" doesn't really work as the bigger rooms are technically going for £600.

Also, I still dont' understand that you would rather share a bed with someone you don't know than have an inferior room.

camnn you share a picture of the actual room? Curious to how bad it actually is.

What I would do is not go, perhaps depending on distance involved and if you have your own transport, join in for a daytime activity.

Second best option is a reduction in what you pay.

Just shows everyone is different. I'd be super happy I didn't have to share and wouldn't care about the actual bed. I'd also think I was getting a bargain if I paid the same for a single occupancy room as other people were paying to share a room.

I mean, someone needs to sleep there. It's just unfortunate it's you. You have the choice not to go if it's not to your liking.

Same here.

DD’s future mil was on DD’s hen do.
She got more drunk than anyone else and was asking if anyone had a joint.
She also had a far nicer room than me too!

I was thinking that, so many mothers and daughters. It does sound weird.

The whole thing just sounds badly planned. Everyone pays the same amount, but some people get their own room, some share, one gets a naff room. It's just lazy planning and there would have definitely been a better air b&b more suitable I'm sure!