Hendo - Feel like crying!

[TeaPlzx]

Hi! First thread here. I'm (F/29) attending a close friends hen do, there's 9 of us staying in a large, swanky cottage (pool, hot tub, sauna, etc.) The bedrooms are made up of multiple king size/double rooms and there's one small room with a bunk bed (designed for kids) and pull-out single (mattress on the floor). I can't express how different this room is to the others, imagine an empty room, with tiny kids bunks and a mattress, that's the extent of it. No wardrobe, no cosy lighting, etc.

Each person has paid approx. £300 for a 2 night stay, including a stripper at the venue and food. Alcohol will have to be purchased separately...
Everyone has been placed in double/king sized rooms (some are sharing, but others not), all with ensuits, however, I've been assigned (without discussion) the small room on my own, without bathroom (will use the "family" shared bathroom). I feel this anger, that I'm paying the same as everyone else, they're all in 5* luxury beds with their own bathrooms and I'm on a pull-out style frame/matress on the floor.

I'm most frustrated that it wasn't even discussed with me, just assigned/assumed I'd take that room. I've briefly raised it with the organiser and she's stated she offered the largest rooms to those sharing (mostly siblings/mums with daughters) and the other two people who aren't sharing (like me), one is pregnant and the other is mother of the stag. Am I unreasonable to still feel upset and not want to be in the tiny bedroom with mattress on the floor? If she feels too embarrassed to allocate that room to MIL, or to herself even, why should I be in there?
I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm feeling VERY bitter about it al.

IMO the organiser should have taken a discount and had that room since they decided the cost would be shared equally and a cottage with one room substandard to the others was acceptable. YANBU, I wouldn’t be happy either but I don’t know what you can do really. Brides are often very funny about people who raise issues about hen do’s. 2 of my friends fell out because one didn’t want to pay for a meal she didn’t eat at and the bride wanted to split the bill including alcohol other friend hadn’t drank.

@Bluekerfuffle thanks. I missed that and when k looked back through the thread I couldn't see it.

On a hen do you really don't get a shit room discount. That's not how group trips like that work especially as part of the cost covers the extras and the hens trip. It's not about the bedroom necessarily. I would recommend not kicking up a fuss- at the end of the day you will only annoy the organiser who is probably already sick of organising it and make the experience less pleasant for yourself and potentially it will get back to the hen and also will be discussed within the hen planning group. All for the sake of what? £50? Also if you pay less then either everyone else has to pay more or one of the things they have planned or paid for has to be cut.

I think that's fair. You have a room to yourself what else would you suggest?

If there's spaces in other beds, why didn't she put you in with someone? Seems odd.then knave the shitty bunk room (which is probably absoloutley fine) as the drunk bunk for any snorers.

Makes total sense to put mums/daughters or sisters in with each other and give the preggo a room to herself.

I think you should have been charged less than the people with sole use of a double room but I would still prefer your room to sharing a bed. I would just get on with it and try to enjoy it.

Well your clearly just a dull party pooper... in which case I assume you wouldnt have agreed to go at all.

Its an invite not a summons and trust me the bride only want those there that are moaning backstabbers who are going to dampen her day because they can't handle it not all being about them constantly.

Those of us who actually like our friends and enjoy spending time and celebrating with them (and are adventorous enough to go further than the local divebar or shitty chinese resteraunt) clearly agree to go because we enjoy it, then complaining afterwards that you 'hate hen dos' just makes you look like a miserable person.

• who are NOT

wish mumsnet would add and edit button

With my knees I couldn't get up from that bed. Yanbu to feel put upon. The organiser has been a bit of a bitch she could at least have discussed it with everyone.

@TeaPlzx I would be thoroughly fucked off too. This is the organiser’s fault and any issues arising from it would be her fault. I would share with someone else in a double. If the organiser thinks you’re making a fuss for no reason then she can take your room with her daughter as it does have a bunk bed after all. Just make sure that your tone is factual and measured rather than angry/moany as the latter is easier to gaslight.

Noone is going to want to share a double bed with someone they aren't close to though are they? Would you really gather share a bed with your friend's MIL than sleep in a bunk bed?

The reasoning behind the organisers decision is ok but if you're staying in a less superior room then you shouldn't be expected to pay the same amount as every one else. Its like renting a box room in a house and paying the same as someone with a king room and an ensuite.

It’s OK for a kid although the mattress looks like a dog bed, & after seeing the other rooms I feel that someone’s taking the piss OP.

Anyway when did people start inviting the dreaded MIL to HENDO? I’d put her in that room, when she starts in a few months time she’ll be glad that she made the right decision 😁

I'd ask for my money back and go home. You've bee treated appallingly.

Does it really matter?

OK, having seen the beds, I'd ask for my money back and decline to go.

😂😂😂

Because there's only one correct way to enjoy oneself and we all have to like the same things, and anyone who doesn't happen like what you like is a 'dull party pooper'. Silly me, should have realised.

Also, I didn't say I hated hen dos, so don't put words in my mouth. I expressed dislike of the entitlement of people who expect others to spend hundreds of pounds just because they're getting married. I'm far from being the only person to feel this way and it has nothing to do with not feeling happy for friends or wanting to celebrate with them.

I agree with others that her reasoning is fair, but I do understand your disappointment. Why not say you're disappointed, were looking forward to a bit of luxury over the weekend, and ask her to see if anyone will swap with you. really, she should have tend the little room herself. Anyway, as others have also said, you'll only be sleeping there.

Did you all see the cottage before it was booked? If so the organiser and maybe all of you knew someone was going to get the shitty small room so either choose another place or give that person a discount.

Can someone who's RTFT tell me if there's been any discussion around the fact it's a Mon-Weds hen do?

I can't move on from it.

Good point re knowing in advance. Did you know? Did you suggest that the person staying ther should have a discount? Or did you only think that when you realised it was you?

Why is everyone now saying Hendo as if it's all one word. Look what you have started OP

I actually did raise it with her and politely mentioned I'm not keen on the room I'm allocated. She said she doesn't want to get involved further with changing room allocations about and I'll have to ask others myself. If I'm honest, I feel unfair asking ANYONE to go in that room, so I won't.

Hence, I see no option but to roll with it. Maybe I'll get pissed and pass out in organisers bed, she can take the dog mat on the floor instead then! 😅

It’s hard to organise these things fairly but the organiser should have said either whoever has that room has it at a cheaper price, or done names in a hat for it. I work at a holiday home and one of the rooms is a bit like this, it’s actually a lovely room but is set up for children and doesn’t compare to the more glamorous rooms so I always think adult guests who get that room must feel hard done by!

Didn't know. We were shown the accomodation but didn't know how many of us were going, I was under the impression we'd all have use of king-size rooms with or without en-suites. Had I known, I would have suggested whoever has that room pay a little less/not chip in for booze and that we draw that person fairly (excluding preggo and bride).