School keeps asking for parents to join in in the middle of the working day?!

[artline200]

I am new to the whole school emails thing, but my son has started at a pre-school attached to a new infants school. Teaching is great, we love it. But they are asking for a lot of parent participation, which I feel quite trapped by. It will be a friendly request, such as come in at 2pm to celebrate the children’s achievements in the mini marathon. To attend I would need to take time off work to go. And if i don’t go will my son be sad that he’s one of the only kids without a parent there? It breaks my heart to think that.

The latest email, which has really wound me up, is an invitation for parents to join children at 12pm for christmas lunch. I have to pay for a lunch I don’t want, and take time off work to be there. And on top of this if my child would like to see Santa and receive a gift I need to pay £6. This isn't exactly optional as I can’t be the only mum who doesn’t join for Christmas dinner and doesn’t buy my kid a ticket to see Santa. Imagine how he would feel, for a teacher to tell him, no your mummy can;t come.

Am being I unreasonable to think that these kinds of things should be on a Saturday and legitimately be optional, rather than in the school days when many parents are working? or at least kept to a minimun and dates sent out at the start of term?! It creates such an unfair divide for children and puts so much pressure on working parents who already have to take time out for school holidays, inset days and sicknesses.

All the request we get are in school time - reading days, phonics mornings, even Christmas show. If you work, then you won’t be able to go to all of them 🤷‍♀️. I try and make the important ones E.g Christmas show

I find this really frustrating. I'm lucky I can often change days or my mum will go for me. My heart breaks for the kids who's parents can't go. In our school nearly all children have someone attend. Two different children were heartbroken and crying at the harvest festival, watching one looking out for her mum everytime the door opened was awful.

There were eight parents yet one was crying because hers wasn't there? Even though another 22 odd kids didn't have parents there?

I wouldn't worry OP. For me earning a crust was more important than attending events to meet Ofsted targets. DS didn't care, or if he did, he didn't say.

And I doubt any father in the history of the world has ever felt guilty for not going to a nativity play.

For info, I don't think I never attended a sports day. DH and I shared the nativity plays but there were only three of them as junior school didn't do them.

Two different children were heartbroken and crying at the harvest festival, watching one looking out for her mum everytime the door opened was awful

If this is really happening then the parents need to explain to their kids that they can't go.

Of course, there are always parents who just don't care generally, so this will be just one of the many ways they let their kids down. But if you can't go because you work, you tell your kids that so they don't expect you.

Well of course they are going to be in school time. Those are their 'operating hours', the hours that the staff are contracted to work and that the children are meant to be there

I teach. We are working parents ourselves so are very aware of them.

At our school, the big things such as the nativity, parents evenings, discos and Xmas/spring fairs are in the evening.

But there are lots of smaller opportunities to come into school, such as those already listed. Sometimes they have to take place during the school day because they involve an aspect of the curriculum - reading with children, eating lunch together etc

The thing to remember is that no time suits everybody. Parents of small children often complain about evening events - they interfere with teatime/bedtime/extra curricular stuff/family commitments.

We also take good care of any children who don't have a parent in attendance, and there are always several. In lots of years of teaching I have never seen a child upset because of this. If children are getting upset, parents must take the time to explain things to them and school will do that too.

Yes it's ridiculous, that and the constant emails asking for money for xyz.... but it always has been like this and always will be so I grin and bear it 😬

Mine's well past this now but the other mums used to check who wasn't able to attend and cover those kids, so I got photos still of Xmas lunch day and someone helped her on decorations day etc. And then on the years I could attend, I did the same back.

Don't feel bad about not going, there will be plenty of other parents who cannot jus take time off work to attend something at school. If it was something really important, fair enough, but if school are asking parents to come to loads of things, it's not on.

Fancy being asked to participate in your child's education. Asked, not told of course. It's entirely voluntary and entirely up to you. Ridiculous.

My eldest DD is in reception and so far we’ve had four events for parents to attend since September.
It’s definitely difficult trying to make sure someone is there but usually either I take time off to go, or my husband does and we alternate. If neither of us can take the time off my mum or MIL will usually go in our place but if they couldn’t I know my DD won’t be the only one without a parent in attendance.
Are you friendly with any parents in the same year/class? I have a close friend who’s DD is in the same class as mine and we always make sure to wave from the crowd and give big hugs after if we know one of us couldn’t be there!
Our school hosts every event on zoom at the same time so parents can tune in from work if possible so maybe mention that? Even if it means you schedule your break for when it starts so you can watch and then tell your child about it when you get home so they know you saw?
Either way you definitely won’t be the only parent!

If the government funded schools properly they wouldn’t have to keep asking for money.

I'm lucky that I can usually make it to daytime school events.
On the other hand I work 3 evenings and all weekend so we don't get any family time during term time.
Swings & roundabouts.

i would check the charging policy on school as £6 for present seems unfair for kids who will sit there with nothing.

for those working in schools it might be time to find a more supportive school as in my school we are able to attend events like assemblies, nativities etc. big events etc and paid for it. There are better headteachers out there who recognise our role as parents.

It actually works for us because we work unsocial hours - Saturday would be worse - but it doesn’t work for many people who are parents, either because they’re fulfilling their responsibility as a parent to put a roof over the child’s head, or because they’re at home with younger children and it can be really inconvenient to juggle them all to come along.

In years of attending I haven’t seen a kid upset. I’m very surprised some have seen children crying, how very poorly handled by all the adults involved.

I smiled at the PP who didn’t think these events should stop ‘just because some parents have to work’. All parents have to work love - unless you’ve got a trust fund, work is how you fulfill your parental responsibility to feed, shelter and clothe your child. In some families that responsibility is carried by one parent more than another for a (usually) short period or is covered by the state, again usually for a short period.

Lots of parents work or have other commitments. I very much doubt that you going to be the ONLY parent who isn’t there.

Teachers already do LOADS in their spare unpaid time, let alone doing this stuff out of school hours on top.

You sound a little melodramatic so I’m going to assume that none of this is actually compulsory.

YABU

At my DC's infant school most parents turned up to things in Reception year, but it was a small village school. By year 2 they dropped off significantly, although the events that a decent amount of notice was given were better attended.

They number of events drops off as they go through school, but is quite hard early on.

Now they're in high school the only time I set foot in the school is to pay for things at the office or for parent teacher interviews.

YABU. Why should teachers work on a Saturday simply because your job is inflexible?

Okay, you can’t make it. But many parents can and the school shouldn’t keep events to a minimum just because you feel bad and guilty that you can’t go to them all.

Sounds like hell to me!
one to intentionally avoid!

pay the £6 and tell dc “mummy’s got a meeting at work”.

by year 2 DC probably won’t want you anyway at such events!!

mare you sure it’s an invitation to ALL parents?

where are they planning to fit 30 kids and 30-60 parents to eat? …. & on a much bigger scale if it’s in a school hall? Most school halls can’t accommodate all children at once to eat, let alone parents too. ……. Be interesting to see the risk assessment!

Presumably your child has a father? You and he can juggle what you can and can’t do.

But you won’t be the only one who can’t attend everything.

Purple, our school does this. We ask for rsvp slips to establish numbers and stagger lunches. No risk assessment needed for parents to come into the dinner hall.

The guilt of the working parent, we’ve all been there, don’t beat yourself up.

One the one hand, schools can't win can they? OFSTED, parent inclusion, special events to model things to the kids and enliven the curriculum, trying to accommodate 100 different working patterns without the staff being worked even more unreasonably.

On the other hand, I think there is a difference between, say, a nativity concert at 9am and a £6 santa visit. Both in terms of ease and suitability. I think the latter is asking for trouble, personally.

Imagine if all the parents invited turned up…

For pre-school, these opt-in extras seem not to be for the optimal benefit of the children, but to keep to keep parents on board & maybe recruit some volunteers?

@artline200 By no means are you a) the only parent not free to join in & b) the only parent who works to pay the fees.

A good idea to ask Grandparents/Aunt/Uncle to join in, but maybe including them in the ‘parental’ category for safeguarding etc would be an overhead?

YABU for wanting Saturdays to accommodate your working pattern. Yes schools have lots of events, which are encouraged to build their school community and funds. YANBU for wanting to attend.
single mum and teacher here. I miss most things but try and send another adult instead or have a friend film ect.
both my DD understand I’m working. When my class has a parent event I find out who is and didn’t able to come along. All year I tell my class ‘ our grown ups love us all the time, they can’t be there today.’
TBH a lot of the events in primary schools aren’t full of adults for the kids. Pick the events you defo need to be there for. Class assembly, Xmas show, sports day.
I’m fortunate my school allow me to attend one thing per term for my DD.