...to ask what my wife's thought process is, in this situation?

[WalkingOnTheCracks]

Married twenty years. Pretty early on I mentioned that I don't like v-neck jumpers. I mean, it's not a huge deal. It wasn't mentioned in the wedding speeches. It's not something I felt I had to get straight even before we got serious. It's just one of those things that comes up at some point, and it came up within the first year or so, I guess.

But every couple of years, my wife will buy me a v-neck jumper for Christmas. I open it and I don't need to say anything, because she gets in first.

"I know it's a v-neck, but it's such a lovely blue!"

"I know you don't like v-necks, but it's cashmere!"

"...it's just perfect for your eye colour."

"...I thought you could wear it to Sally and Mike's next week."

"...it's from Harrods!"

They always end up being taken back.

But - leaving aside the question of why I don't like v-necks, which I think I'm allowed - what I'm interested to know is what she's thinking when she buys them. Does she think, "Well, this one's just irresistible. Even WoTC will love this." Or does she just think that my aversion to v-necks is a passing phase? Or not worthy of consideration?

She doesn't like sarongs. If I persisted in the attempt to buy her a sarong every other Christmas, there'd be ructions.

Why does she keep at it?

That dress looks like the base of a fancy dress Christmas tree outfit… stick a few baubles on and you’re good to go 🎄

I am allergic to something in Bath Bombs, they make me come out in a rash. MIL refuses to believe this. It is "not possible" apparently and I am being a "typical woke snowflake millennial who thinks they're allergic to everything" (I am not allergic to anything else) so she insists on buying me a great big Bath bomb set every Christmas. I think perhaps your DW attended the same Advanced Passive-Agressive Gift Giving course as my MIL. She likes v-necks and thinks your aversion to them is 'silly' or stubborn (when it's actually just a completely reasonable preference) so she refuses to accept it. If so, my sympathies, it is really fucking annoying.

You make me laugh, OP.

I'd say it's because she thinks you are wrong to dislike all v-necks. I had the same issue with perfume. I don't like perfume. I don't wear perfume. My ex still bought me perfume.

"I know you don't like perfume, but this one is nice."
"You just need to find one you like."
"Everyone likes this one."
"But it's subtle."

Some people just don't get it. It doesn't make sense to them how someone can dislike all of something.

What does she say when you return them each year? Is she offender? And how would you react by you telling her now you really hope she hasn't bought you one this year and if she had could she return it so you don't have to?

I’ve got the solution
wear the v- neck jumpers she buys - back to front
everytime you go anywhere with her
just point out that you prefer the round neck top 😂

(of course you’ll look a bit odd, but depends on whether you think you can handle that, just for the shits and giggles)

OP, I was on your side, and you write wonderfully; but alas we must now duel to the first frost nipped finger over your obscene, blasphemous, hate filled views on cardigans.

You're not wrong, v-necks can be ok on women if they're worn with just a vest top or camisole under but there's really no good way for a grown man to wear them.

I have a slightly similar problem.

there is a particular type of chocolate (Lindt, extra creamy) and my husband has got it into his head that it is my absolute favourite. I don’t know why. I honestly do not know how he has come upon this notion. I mean…it’s ok, chocolate is chocolate after all, but there are chocolates that I like more and it’s a bit too sweet for me tbh.

but every time he wants to do something nice for me, he buys the chocolate. “You look like you had a hard day so I got your fave chocolate 🥰” sort of thing. Which is very sweet, he’s lovely and doesn’t have a bad bone in his body.

there are so many other types of chocolate I would prefer but I don’t know how to tell him this without hurting his feelings

I also had an ex who bought me a watch knowing full well that I don’t wear a watch. Then he moaned that I never wore the watch. Lazy arse. He just couldn’t be bothered to think of a gift I’d actually like.

Next time he buys it say something like ‘oh this tastes different, I think they’ve changed the recipe it’s a bit weird now, I think I’ll have to switch to X in future.’

neverbeenskiing. Re-wrap it and give it to her next year.

Sorry not read whole thread. May have missed critical updates. But I have a husband of 17yrs who I love very much. I am also genuinely quite forgetful. He doesn't wear v necks much. I can't say I can remember his opinion on them. If he expressed a view it would prob get filed under ooh DH said something about v necks once, probably something about how much he likes them, I'll get him one. It's possible you are married to me. Sorry I keep getting you the wrong jumpers. But you are forgetful too. That's why I just buy and wrap my own Christmas presents now to avoid awkwardness. I don't like sarongs it's true. I am genuinely amazed you know that.

You look like the sort of irritatingly cheerful bloke whose ambition is to become head honcho of the Neighbourhood Watch. T-shirt? A member of the Undertones, circa 1979. Shirt buttoned and a tie? Probably spends a lot of time in the attic gluing and painting Airfix models of steam engines

I think he made it pretty clear.

I also think there should have been different names for same sex husbands & wives, for practical reasons, it's confusing.

@WalkingOnTheCracks wear the awful V-necks, but wear them back-to-front so they look more like crew necks. Wear them backwards to Sally & Mike's; wear them backwards everywhere. It might be what makes her stop!

@chocopuffs i also think the 'married 20 years' was a clear indication.

Q1: Are v necks posher than crew necks or rounds necks?

Q2: if yes to question 1, is your wife named Hyacinth?

Come home one day looking excited - "I just tried this new (relatively easy to find) chocolate and it is even better than lindt lindors! New favourite!" Just make sure you're ok with it being your new chocolate gift for the next however many decades. Maybe a nice green and black milk?

Maybe he should trust his wife’s judgement about how he looks in them? Or at least give them a go a couple of times and have a photo taken while wearing them? He may be pleasantly surprised … or not …😀

Ask any personal shopper; lot of people reject things that they actually look really good in for silly reasons and need to open their minds a bit!

After trying them once or twice, you then can say “look, thank you, they are lovely colours (or whatever) but I have given them a proper go and I still don’t like myself in them so please could I have something else for a present this Christmas? And btw, what would you like?”

It’s hardly an issue worthy of all the angst on here! Just talk to one another fhs! And maybe focus on what your wife does for you every day throughout the year!

Maybe he should trust his wife’s judgement about how he looks in them? Or at least give them a go a couple of times and have a photo taken while wearing them? He may be pleasantly surprised … or not …

Ask any personal shopper; lot of people reject things that they actually look really good in for silly reasons and need to open their minds a bit!

Maybe he's happy with his own style and knows what he does and doesn't like. People who choose to go to personal shoppers are openly asking for advice and open to changing their 'look', but others know what they like and really are not looking for suggestions. Lots of men, especially, really do not care about clothes and don't want to 'make a statement' or feel like a dress-up doll.

Have you explained your reasons to your wife OP?

I know in theory you shouldn’t have to. But it might lend weight to your expressed dislike, rather than it seeming like a strange and to-be-dismissed whim.

I quite like your neighbourhood watch guy. He sounds like Nick Clegg before the compromises of political life turned him into a man who would work for Facebook. Sexy in an earnest and reliable way.

@thenightsky thenightsorry but your husband is an idiot 😂

Thank you, @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll.

There are so many contentious levels in @Flanaganstrousers768 ’s post.

At the most combative there’s ‘why should l?’ And its corollary ‘would you?’

And then there are conceptual strata of assumption and patronisation that, actually, are made flesh by the very existence of Personal Shoppers.

But in the end it comes down to this - should a person wear something they hate in order to please their spouse? And I don’t think there’s a straight yes or no answer to that.

However, one suggestion has been that she might fancy me something rotten in a v-neck jumper. To which I’d say, wearing it would make me feel about eight - so you’re not gonna get much fireside-rug action out of that unless you’re gagging to drink banana Nesquik and play Mousetrap.

Banana nesquick and a game of Mousetrap - if you could get the damn thing to work - sounds like a pretty good night in to me.

Might've missed the point of the thread... But nobody should feel compelled to wear anything they don't want to, except that damn sneaky mouse, who definitely should be wearing its cage.