...to ask what my wife's thought process is, in this situation?

[WalkingOnTheCracks]

Married twenty years. Pretty early on I mentioned that I don't like v-neck jumpers. I mean, it's not a huge deal. It wasn't mentioned in the wedding speeches. It's not something I felt I had to get straight even before we got serious. It's just one of those things that comes up at some point, and it came up within the first year or so, I guess.

But every couple of years, my wife will buy me a v-neck jumper for Christmas. I open it and I don't need to say anything, because she gets in first.

"I know it's a v-neck, but it's such a lovely blue!"

"I know you don't like v-necks, but it's cashmere!"

"...it's just perfect for your eye colour."

"...I thought you could wear it to Sally and Mike's next week."

"...it's from Harrods!"

They always end up being taken back.

But - leaving aside the question of why I don't like v-necks, which I think I'm allowed - what I'm interested to know is what she's thinking when she buys them. Does she think, "Well, this one's just irresistible. Even WoTC will love this." Or does she just think that my aversion to v-necks is a passing phase? Or not worthy of consideration?

She doesn't like sarongs. If I persisted in the attempt to buy her a sarong every other Christmas, there'd be ructions.

Why does she keep at it?

^This^ 😂

And then there are conceptual strata of assumption and patronisation that, actually, are made flesh by the very existence of Personal Shoppers

Oh fhs it’s a Christmas jumper! 😄. May I politely suggest that you direct your complex thought processes, energy and attention towards something a little more important? How about giving them to a homeless shelter for example?

…Yes, miss. Sorry, miss.

Lots of women look great in a man's V neck. Give the jumpers to her.

Do you unwittingly really suit a v neck and she finds you v sexy in a v neck?

Ltb

Also loathe a V-neck myself. It's the bit where she refuses to take your stated and repeated preferences into account that bothers me. That's not good.

😂

If it's any consolation school jumpers are mostly round necked sweaters these days anyway and I doubt Papier mache giraffes are on the curriculum anyway. They are in Hobbycraft though, decoupage section.

It's obviously this.

I'm 90% sure she's being completely unreasonably, but am holding 10% back in case you really do have god awful dress sense to the point she's embarrassed to be seen with you.

Assuming you can actually dress yourself properly, just rewrap the jumpers and give them to her next birthday/anniversary.

She thinks that you are just stubborn and evrytime she buys vneck sh'e testing you and hopes that you will change your mind about it.

No idea about her motive! Definitely think you need to start buying her a sarong every Xmas though

This made me guffaw! 😂

You are clearly delightful and your wife is a very lucky woman.

Tell her you'll take charge of decorating the house this year and really go to town. String some bright, cheerful and robust bunting throughout every room - with every triangle sewn into the vacant space at the top of a v-neck jumper from previous years!

Does she have a secret fixation with the 1930's? I would wear the jumper with aplomb, even pride....provided she obliges by putting her hair in curlers, gets out the donkey soap to scrub the front step and spends every Monday washing twenty years worth of jumpers by hand, in a dolly tub and still has a three course tea ready for you when you stroll in from work. 😅

www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.etsy.com%2Fuk%2Fmarket%2F1930s_mens_sweaters&psig=AOvVaw0WHJ7vURS_gp_2eoAwMWm8&ust=1669171378916000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CA4QjRxqFwoTCJi45YniwPsCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAE

Just tell her that if she wears a sarong you’ll wear a v neck.

It sounds like she doesn’t fully understand how/why they remind you of being a school child.

Does she know why that’s not a good thing? ie have you fully shared why being reminded of that is not something you particularly like?

Not suggesting sone awful trauma but does she get properly why?

It does seem a bit lacking in empathy. But only way up get the point across to someone lacking in that dept is do it to her repeatedly as she can’t seem to see it from your pint of view.

🍺good idea

She's got no idea what to get you so buys something she likes to pad out your gifts.
Send her an Amazon or similar wishlist.

Definitely ltb.

After a couple of years of a similar thing (not jumper-related) I trained dh to buy me whiskey instead. Thankfully he’s not yet got this wrong…

Buy her a crew neck jumper in your size and when she looks at you perplexed, just reassure her that you bought a gift for her that you liked and didn't much consider how she'd feel about it at all. Then take it from her, put it on and let her know she's welcome to the 48th v neck she bought for you, after all she bought it for herself, didnt she!

I can of course see the silly and somewhat bemusing side to it, I just can't help shake that how outraged everyone (including myself) would rightly be, if you persistently tried to make her dress in a way that would please you, even if it was something she despised! I think it's thoughtless, rude, uncaring and a bit controlling. I'm actually quite pissed off on your behalf!

So what is your over tshirt item of choice? I'd always have a sneaky sarong in the back of your cupboard to whip out the next time she buys one and you can suggest going out to dinner that night in your spiffy new clothing.....

Have you sat and actually asked her. And when she replies with her usual have you re replied no but I’ve said I just don’t want them. And how would she feel if you kept buying her such and such.tell her you hate them.in all forms.
mand what do you actually wear?several posters have asked and you’ve kept coming up with long winded replies to none of the questions asked…

Yeah you need to be honest, with yourself as well. It's easy after a long marriage to have accepted a load of work-rounds (jokey narratives in your case) to avoid direct conflict but if it hurts, you need to say so, sorry.
" Oh, another v-neck jumper. Actually, as I've said, please don't. It actually makes me feel sad and not listened to.'

Yes, I’ve asked her. See earlier post. Any point I make about my feelings on the matter are deflected by the demand that I justify them, or by an appeal to popular taste…”…other men wear them! Your brother does!”

What do I actually wear? If circumstances make it difficult to avoid knitwear (the very word invokes a shudder), I’ll go for a non-chunky, unpatterned, unlogoed crewneck in black or, at a stretch, navy.

As a rule of thumb, @kateandme , if you can’t imagine a masked cat burglar wearing it, probably better not buy it for me.