...to ask what my wife's thought process is, in this situation?

[WalkingOnTheCracks]

Married twenty years. Pretty early on I mentioned that I don't like v-neck jumpers. I mean, it's not a huge deal. It wasn't mentioned in the wedding speeches. It's not something I felt I had to get straight even before we got serious. It's just one of those things that comes up at some point, and it came up within the first year or so, I guess.

But every couple of years, my wife will buy me a v-neck jumper for Christmas. I open it and I don't need to say anything, because she gets in first.

"I know it's a v-neck, but it's such a lovely blue!"

"I know you don't like v-necks, but it's cashmere!"

"...it's just perfect for your eye colour."

"...I thought you could wear it to Sally and Mike's next week."

"...it's from Harrods!"

They always end up being taken back.

But - leaving aside the question of why I don't like v-necks, which I think I'm allowed - what I'm interested to know is what she's thinking when she buys them. Does she think, "Well, this one's just irresistible. Even WoTC will love this." Or does she just think that my aversion to v-necks is a passing phase? Or not worthy of consideration?

She doesn't like sarongs. If I persisted in the attempt to buy her a sarong every other Christmas, there'd be ructions.

Why does she keep at it?

@Loics,I didn't bother reading further because I was angry. Oops!

@fdgdfgdfgdfg , I glaze over when I see the word literally. zzzz

My ex DH used to buy me things that he knew I wouldn’t like. In particular it was flowers - chrysanthemums to be precise. I love flowers, always have but I HATE these vile imposters with a vengeance. He knew this, but in 25 years, never bought me any other flowers. It was “always” chrysanthemums and I was always expected to be “grateful” that he bothered buying me anything.
Now, that I’m out of that relationship, I see how controlling the relationship was.
I’m not suggesting that you leave her, or anything like that, but I’d try and sit down and tell her how it makes you feel unlistened to, as if your feelings and opinion don’t matter to her. Ask her how it would make HER feel if you kept buying her something that she didn’t want, and had repeatedly told you about.
Because from where I’m standing, the problem isn’t anything to do with a V-neck jumper, but how important your feelings are to her.

To the poster who said that he should try it, because he might look nice in it, I have to wonder how you’d feel if, your DP kept pressuring to wear something that made YOU feel uncomfortable. Maybe make up, or a skimpy dress, or a “tent” or whatever it was that HE felt would make you appear more attractive.

Maybe she is really struggling for time and thinks you are not that serious about not liking them, thinking "I know he said that but I think this one is fabulous, surely he will like this one? I am really struggling this year..."

Totally this!

Also I think she finds you hot in a v neck and just can't help herself which is no bad thing. Feel free to post a photo and we can tell you if that's the likely motive for all this.

It’s boils down to, she thinks she’s right, and you’re wrong.

She thinks you are wrong and is trying to prove to you how ridiculous you are. She probably thinks ‘oh this is a lovely jumper… but it’s a v neck and he’s says he doesn’t like v necks… how silly this is lovely… he’ll like this one’.
MIL did this for years with Salmon. I used to say ‘I like any fish but not salmon’ and ever time we went for dinner I’d get salmon to prove to me that it could be nice. The annoying thing was after years of this I started to actually like it and i eat it all the time now. She was bloody right, it is lovely.

😂

OP - not that you need to justify yourself, but what is it about v-necks that you so intensely dislike?

@WednesdaysChild11 , if she is struggling for time, why does she buy something that will be returned.

I suspect that this is a reverse, and the thread is from someone who is fed up of her DH rejecting the V-neck jumpers, and she's really looking for a present her 'unreasonable' DH will justifiably reject.

My money's on the slippers.

For pretty much 90% of the threads on here, the OP could've

a. Asked the opinion of the person in question
b. Googled it
c. Called 111.

So I'm not sure what your point is.

@KirstenBlest because she is hoping DH will be dazzled by latest amazing v neck and no-one in their right mind would want to return it 😂

My DP also hates V necks. Wouldn't dream of buying him one. I also find him very hot in a casual hoodie (he wears shirts) and still wouldn't buy him one.

Send her a link to a jumper you do like ?

Ah, but are you literally or figuratively glazing over? ;)

You are being very unreasonable @Chomolungma & need to reframe both this arrant slipper-distaste & your appalling attitude to your MiL, who clearly knows you better than you know yourself.

I hope you have faithfully retained all the slippers over the years. (If you have not, your DH should LTB btw).
Now take that fabulous slipper collection, & erect a Slipper Shrine.
Build a fantastic construction of variable height shelves, nooks & display crannies. Go mad with the lighting, & ensure you have different special effects.
Ensure it is in a prominent & preferably quite awkward spot, like the hallway.

The ensuing cries of awe, graceful pride in her gift-giving, & resultant family harmony will be well worth the slight inconvenience of shimmying round the Shrine every time you use the front door.

If you'd said that you'd been married for 50 years, I'd have mistaken you for my dad! It's a control issue in my parents case.

What jumpers, if any, do you like?
It sounds like she has no idea what to get you, so you have to tell her.

I REALLY struggle to know what to get my DH, but I certainly wouldn't buy things I know he didn't like, so no idea what her thought process is.

I mean, it's not a huge deal. It wasn't mentioned in the wedding speeches.
😂😂😂

Suggest not doing presents because you can't be arsed opening another v neck

Is she a bit dim?

If this was a man then Mumsnet would he up in arms

Also I think she finds you hot in a v neck and just can't help herself which is no bad thing.

She's free to fantasise about him wearing one as much as she likes, but repeatedly giving him a 'present' of one - in place one that he may actually like - is controlling and very much is a bad thing.

People on here view men with suspicion if they ever buy clothes for their wives - even ones that they know/strongly suspect that she will like, going on her usual taste - and yet people are defending a woman giving her husband repeated presents that she knows 100% that he does not like.

Stick with yhe look that works for you, OP!

OBVIOUSLY the solution is to also buy her a v neck jumper until she stops. In a colour she hates.

Sorry not rtft if already suggested.

What jumpers, if any, do you like?
It sounds like she has no idea what to get you, so you have to tell her.

Are there really people who have been married to somebody for 20 years who nevertheless neither have an idea of what kind of things they might like for a present, nor are able/willing to actually ask them?!

Dying!! 😂😂😂

I too am curious OP. Have you had a "come to Jesus" / shit sandwich talk with her?
"Daisy, I am so lucky to have you in my life. I look back on the day I asked you to marry me as one of the best decisions I ever made. My heart fills with warmth and joy whenever [list manifestations of her admirable qualities here].
I know you love me too so I do have one favour to ask. Please don't ever buy me another v neck jumper. I want to treasure every gift I get from you, but I honestly don't like them, I never have, I don't like how I look in them and they always go to the charity shop, and I hate that that happens!
If you're at a loss for presents, X is always gratefully received - I can never have too many of them, and you have superb taste in selecting them!
Now, what would YOU like for Xmas - I'd love to get you something really special this year!"

Or, you know, something vaguely on those lines!

I do hope this isn't a tip-of-the-iceberg job, and she's just got a bit of a blind spot or is a bit forgetful! But if she takes umbrage at a civil request lathered with inches of flattery and sweet words - ya got more problems than just heading to Returns or Oxfam come January!

Can only assume she does it deliberately because she in some way derives pleasure from your minor annoyance. I leave tissues lying on the sofa for the same reason.

Buy her a sarong. Follow her script.