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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend was rude and ungrateful

145 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 21/11/2022 00:34

I was going out with 2 friends the other night. One of them asked for a lift there and back which would mean going slightly out of our way. My husband was dropping me off and picking up afterwards. It was no problem doing this and my husband didn't mind.

We set off and it was an extremely cold night so my husband had the heating on in the car. She got in and complained it was very warm. My husband apologises and turns the heating off and tells her she can open the window if she likes. She opened the window and I thought that would be the end of it.

She got out of the car and complained about the heat in the car on regular occasions during the night. She mentioned it to my other friend when she showed up. When I text my husband to be collected he set off straight away and she complained about how long he took. I could tell by how long it took him to get to us that he definitely set off straight after I text him. AIBU that I thought she was rude and ungrateful.

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 21/11/2022 00:37

I don't get these threads and I never will 😂😂

Errrm YANBU (very very very clearly) but you know that anyway.

Hawkins001 · 21/11/2022 00:38

Yep an entitled and ungrateful person

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 21/11/2022 00:43

TeapotTitties · 21/11/2022 00:37

I don't get these threads and I never will 😂😂

Errrm YANBU (very very very clearly) but you know that anyway.

I thought that I might have been over sensitive. Apologies for obviously wasting your time.

OP posts:
huniimhome · 21/11/2022 00:46

I completely get this. I had a long term friend like this. Was the biggest leech. I would be doing her favours no end and all she did was complain. It was especially embarrassing when it was my friend or family doing her a favour like in your case. I stopped speaking to her nearly 10 years ago and don't regret it one bit. She was very rude and ungrateful. Ppl like that are so entitled and unfortunately won't change.

AliceNutter · 21/11/2022 00:53

YANBU your friend is quite odd

mycatisannoying · 21/11/2022 00:55

If someone does me a favour, I am so thankful and positive about it. It would never dawn on me to complain!
YANBU.

itmustbemyage · 21/11/2022 00:59

Tbh if she had made such a fuss about the journey during it and even when you got there, I would have said something like” ah well that’s saved us having to go out of our way to drop you at home on the way back, hope you can get a taxi sorted” and then walked away. Pretty sure she would have hurried after you and been all apologetic about how she didn’t mean it that way. I don’t drive and my DH will pick me up and is happy to make sure that my friends get home safely but no way would I put up with someone abusing his kindness like that.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/11/2022 01:55

She sounds quite dim - even if she'd thought it, you'd think she'd keep quiet about her feelings. That could potentially have been one of many lifts she got from you, but now she's endured that it will be the very last one.

If she asks again, tell her it's an instant 'No'. When she asks why, tell her honestly that you were shocked by her lack of gratitude and that you clearly can't provide the kind of lift she requires, so please don't make it awkward by asking again.

As PP, she will almost certainly backtrack, but just rinse and repeat "No, you were extremely clear that our lift didn't meet your expected standards - even criticising us to mutual friends - so you'Il need to get a taxi next time".

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/11/2022 01:56

*she's ENSURED - you were the ones who had to endure her!

Grumpusaurus · 21/11/2022 02:26

She would have walked home after this cuntish behaviour. Why are people such doormats!

Kitkatcatflap · 21/11/2022 02:51

Well don't do it again, next time she asks to be collected laugh and 'Not after the last time, you moaned non stop, I was embarrassed for you. Get a cab'

snowshoehare · 21/11/2022 04:12

Could she be having hot flushes and was embarrassed that she might smell sweaty and that was why she kept going on about the car being hot in case people thought her personal hygiene was sub par? There's a shortage of hormone patches too in the UK at the moment isn't there? I never got hot flushes very badly but some of my friends ended up practically drenched with sweat which they found very embarrassing.

On the other hand, she could just be complaining and ungrateful.

deeperthanallroses · 21/11/2022 04:57

Next time : I’d offer a lift but Sarah hated every single thing about my poor husband kindly giving her a lift last time so I won’t put him through that again!

Quincythequince · 21/11/2022 05:18

OP, the first time she complained I would have addressed it with her directly and also said , ‘best find your own way home then’

IncompleteSenten · 21/11/2022 05:23

Why didn't you tell her to get a taxi home then if the free lift was so awful.

Primrose98 · 21/11/2022 05:41

YANBU. My mum complains like this. I just push back a bit when she makes daft complaints like this "Heating on in November was reasonable and you opened the window?". "Well, he wasn't sitting outside in the car for us to finish?" or "What taxi service do you normally use with instant results?". I can occasionally moan too much (I did this on Saturday with noisy kids in the cinema) - but I knew I was being ridiculous in the end up.

butterfliedtwo · 21/11/2022 05:49

Grumpusaurus · 21/11/2022 02:26

She would have walked home after this cuntish behaviour. Why are people such doormats!

First thought tbh. YABU for dropping her off home after that.

Popvan · 21/11/2022 06:00

I've got a friend like this, moaning all the time bringing the mood down, then posts all that positivity shite on her social media. Draining.

HomeTheatreSystem · 21/11/2022 06:04

She was very rude and ungrateful. Sounds like she was dragged up by wolves. Even if she was suffering with hot flushes, that would not have excused her then bitching about the heating to others on your night out. Definitely don't put yourself out for her again.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/11/2022 06:09

Could she be having hot flushes and was embarrassed that she might smell sweaty and that was why she kept going on about the car being hot in case people thought her personal hygiene was sub par?

That's a perfectly plausible reason for the first request (although OP said 'complained'), but she was allowed to open the window straightaway, so that would have been that. No need to keep complaining and grizzling about it all evening. And I can't think of any reason why hot flushes would prevent you from waiting graciously (outdoors if need be) for a giver of a free lift to get there.

She could always have blamed 'this crazy ever-changing weather we keep getting' or other outside forces - no need at all to lump the blame directly on to OP/OP's DH.

Mitzigaynor · 21/11/2022 06:11

I think I’d have said ‘you can cool off walking home if you prefer.’

I was once given a lift and the car air freshener was so strong I wanted to vomit. I discreetly opened the window a little and said nothing.

RoachPussy · 21/11/2022 06:28

The amount of people who have so called friends that are shits and yet no one feels that they can challenge. How long have you been friends? Was she drunk? I can’t think of anyone that either jokingly or in a regular tone I wouldn’t have said anything to about their complaining.

Twiglets1 · 21/11/2022 06:31

YANBU- I would never dream of complaining if someone was giving me a lift & something wasn’t perfect

girlmom21 · 21/11/2022 06:50

Yeah she was incredibly rude!

PinkSyCo · 21/11/2022 07:02

Yes she was rude and ungrateful, but at least you have a good excuse not to give her a lift next time she asks don’t you?

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