Friend was rude and ungrateful

[Theblacksheepandme]

I was going out with 2 friends the other night. One of them asked for a lift there and back which would mean going slightly out of our way. My husband was dropping me off and picking up afterwards. It was no problem doing this and my husband didn't mind.

We set off and it was an extremely cold night so my husband had the heating on in the car. She got in and complained it was very warm. My husband apologises and turns the heating off and tells her she can open the window if she likes. She opened the window and I thought that would be the end of it.

She got out of the car and complained about the heat in the car on regular occasions during the night. She mentioned it to my other friend when she showed up. When I text my husband to be collected he set off straight away and she complained about how long he took. I could tell by how long it took him to get to us that he definitely set off straight after I text him. AIBU that I thought she was rude and ungrateful.

If you sweat a lot whether it be hot flushes or just being too warm....you will not smell bad if your body is clean. You will only smell if you're unwashed. Sweat itself has no smell.

Brilliant 🤩

I'm the 1% who voted unreasonable. You were unreasonable to take her home. I'd have made her walk.

'You having a hot flush, luv?'

''Alright, Miss Daisy - give the chauffeur a break'

''Uber next time, then?!'

...... surely part of friendship is letting our 'friends' know when they're being a dick?

You’re not making sense. And there is no HRT patch shortage

Had I been your friend, I might have said, "May I crack a window? I have a hard time breathing when I"m too warm," which is true. But I would never have mentioned it to anyone else. As for the time it took your husband to get there, you were doing her a favor, and beggars can't be choosers...although a whole lot of them don't seem to get that.

She sounds like an absolute twat but for me she wouldn't be a friend for me anymore anyway.

A boss who I once had said my delivery is appalling. He said that I am right in calling the person out, but how I do it is shite. I'm trying to improve on my delivery

I do get the impression that this is the key to your situation black sheep. Your friends were unkind/thoughtless/deliberately provocative (??) and the one you gave a lift to clearly knew what she was doing as she showed when she didn't want you to say anything to your husband.

However, you have recognised for yourself that you are less than diplomatic in your assertive calling out of behaviours! I'm not sure if diplomatic is the right word though. Assertiveness really isn't about being "diplomatic", it's about being clear, stating needs and thoughts but also recognising the other person's needs and thoughts! Have you ever read "A Woman in Your Own Right" by Anne Dickson? It is old but absolutely excellent and the best one I have ever read on this subject! I truly think it might help you to analyse the problems you experience.

But despite that, I really wouldn't bother again with these two ex-colleagues if I were you...unless, having read the book, you want to go back to them, and practice what you have learnt.

Good luck

The only possible excuse is that she's menopausal. Hot cars or rooms can set off hot flushes and they can be overwhelming. I used to practically have panic attacks because I was sure I was going to throw up, pass out or both in crowded hot spaces. But yes, she's being very unreasonable. Either say that you don't appreciate the sour comments or just ignore her next time you're having a night out.

You know she was being rude and unreasonable, but you should have said something at the time. U would have told her there are plenty of taxis she could get in future.

I’d have told her to get herself home and waved out of the car as I drove past. Cheeky cow.

I'm going to buy that book you mentioned. Thanks for the advice.

I'm going to buy that book you mentioned. Thanks for the advice.

You are welcome. It is very good

Even if it was hot flushes it doesn’t excuse rude behaviour. She could have been apologetic about her requests to turn heating down. Why would she keep going on about it if this was the reason? She just sounds really weird.

Awesome Primrose98, you have made me smile. Every single f*ng day, grin and bear it, I have a tough skin for a serious sensitive soul, they do my head in, but oldness in my family is quite frankly cantankerous and awkward, and next day backtracking to didn't mean that exactly... Outside family, not a chance, eg: a look of why...? (Frosty face helps.) Suggest other transport means if pushed.

I wonder if although you've become good at calling out bad behaviour, whether you still initially gravitate to people who WILL treat you badly due to there being a familiarity in their personality. Because as others have pointed out, not all people behave badly. Somehow you are not letting people who will treat you well (apart from your DH) into your life. The next step in your therapy perhaps? To stop being drawn to people who will treat you badly and to recognise AND LIKE this who will treat you well at first meeting?

There is a high possibility that I gravitate towards people that don't treat me well. My family treated me badly from childhood so there would be a familiarity to this. I had counselling and I am finished and doing well but this is something that I seriously need to work on.

She's no friend and would have got short shrift from me when she mentioned it during the night out. No more life's and dump her from your contacts. If she asks why, tell her that she knows darn well and you have no room for moaning, ungrateful people in your life.

• lifts

I would have told her straight, stop moaning and being so bloody ungrateful, we are doing you a favour, if you don't like it, get a cab. X