Friend was rude and ungrateful

[Theblacksheepandme]

I was going out with 2 friends the other night. One of them asked for a lift there and back which would mean going slightly out of our way. My husband was dropping me off and picking up afterwards. It was no problem doing this and my husband didn't mind.

We set off and it was an extremely cold night so my husband had the heating on in the car. She got in and complained it was very warm. My husband apologises and turns the heating off and tells her she can open the window if she likes. She opened the window and I thought that would be the end of it.

She got out of the car and complained about the heat in the car on regular occasions during the night. She mentioned it to my other friend when she showed up. When I text my husband to be collected he set off straight away and she complained about how long he took. I could tell by how long it took him to get to us that he definitely set off straight after I text him. AIBU that I thought she was rude and ungrateful.

What are you actively doing about finding new friends? You're going to always find people you don't get on with. But eventually you'll click with people. I have a lot of good friends mostly women. But some are from years ago. Some from work. I'm probably older?
Hopefully you'll find some fun friends and won't have to just put up with any old shit.
At least you're avoiding them.

Yes, even bearing menopause in mind she was rude and ungrateful. But are you going to talk to her about it?

Your "friends" sound unkind and must have been quite miserable company for you, I'm sorry they spoiled your night. I'm the same as you OP, I just have DH and my DDs who I'm close to - but I'm really lucky as they are all wonderful people, so I don't really miss having anyone else.

I do understand. Did you have a good night aside from this?

I think I need to be like you and be grateful for what I have. I really am lucky to have him and my daughter. Some people don't even have what I have. My counsellor told me that I have achieved an awful lot considering what I have gone through since childhood.

No need to fucking swear! 😉

Nah really keep that attitude. It'll serve you well. Take no prisoners and you'll attract likewise. Most of my friends are really honest. I tend to avoid people pleasers.

@Theblacksheepandme
Sorry your (now ex) friends were so shit, you and DH sound nice and deserve better.

My DH and I (randomly!) took up latin and ballroom classes (neither of us have ever danced before ). It has been so wonderful. We've got fitter, learned new skills, made total
Idiots of ourselves, made lovely new friends and strengthened our relationship to boot.

Dancing may not be your thing but there's probably something out there for you to find your tribe and have some fun with lovely people (there are plenty of them around).

I wish you all the happiness in the world

That's a brilliant idea. Ceroc have classes all over and you don't even need a partner if dh didn't fancy it. We met loads of great people doing this.
Would you fancy it OP?

Strangely enough I have thought about it. My husband did ballroom with an ex way before he met me. I have 2 left feet but would love to be able to dance with him. I am definitely going to look into it. Also now my daughter is a teen it gives us more time to do things. We had no support whatsoever when she was little. I am not in the UK but will have a look at what's out there locally.

Don’t see them again OP. I know you’re struggling and you sound a bit lonely, but it’s worse to keep shitty people in your life rather than ditch them and try new ways of meeting decent people. They sound like utter cunts.

Modern jive isn't so much footwork. Salsa is pretty easy.
Good luck 🤞

I actually made 2 of my closest friends online. One here been friends years. And another on an art Facebook group. On paper we don't seem as if we'd be great friends but when together we get on great. I'm extrovert and she's introvert... except when with me 😉

Just wanted to send a handhold, OP.

You are certainly not being oversensitive. Neither of these people sound like friends to me, and if they are more of a debit than a credit in your life then you should avoid them. I really hope you find some nice pals soon.

She needs calling out on her behaviour

1. Never gift her a lift again.
2. You and your husband get some self books on how to be assertive so that you don’t put up with and aid and abet this kind of shit in future.

So what are you planning on doing about it 🙄

Book on Amazon

Author - Chase Hill

I think it sounds tiresome/dull but not nessacerily rude.

She could be suffering hot flushes (more about her than the car) or be looking to 'bond' over a shared experiance (especially if she doesnt have much else to talk to you about that you currently have in common hense it coming up several times to fill the blanks).

She was obviously rude. I'd leave it now though but next time she asks for a lift say ,'no that doesn't suit'. If she probes further tell her she was rude the last time and your dh isn't a taxi driver. You sound like you've got a lovely nuclear family and I'd focus all your energies there. Friends should uplift you not drag you down.

So what's the excuse with her complaining about how long OP's partner took to collect them?

I would have told her to make her own way home after such rudeness on the outward journey. I would also have asked for a contribution towards fuel.

Given that everyone upset you that night it could be that you are being overly sensitive and your version of events is a bit skewed. Alternatively it could be that they weren't being very nice. We have no way of knowing which it is. The only way you can know is to raise it with your friends. If you're considering finding new friends anyway you've got nothing to lose.

I can assure you that myself and my husband are extremely assertive. I am a little too direct with it and my husband would be a bit more diplomatic. I have no friends because I call out bad behaviour. I just won't accept myself and in particular other people being treated badly. I called both these people out on what they said on the night. They looked at me like I had 2 heads and that I was unreasonable.

Does your dd have plenty of friends? Is she anything like you personality wise?

What did second friend do to upset you?