AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

A 3 month old needs around 18 hours sleep. An 8 year old for example needs around 10. It's very different.

I’m impressed you can stay awake until midnight OP. When my twins were 3 months I was grabbing as much shut-eye as I could get. They were rotten sleepers and I was breastfeeding so I was always dozing (either in bed or on the sofa) with a baby or two attached to me. I don’t think I even got anywhere near to a bedtime routine until about six months and even then it was hit and miss with times. I’d aim for getting them settled by about 8.00 so I could have a few hours to relax with DH and sometimes it worked, but not always. Then when my second set of twins came along, bedtime routines took ages. By the time all the children were settled I could barely keep my eyes open long enough to watch half an hour of TV.

You think putting a baby to bed at midnight is an achievement?

Bedtime at 3mos is meaningless because they're still having an evening nap. You can't really talk about putting a baby to bed till they drop that and move up their bedtime.

I don't think OP is entirely unreasonable with the second half of her post. If your child is getting up too early, you adjust their bedtime a bit, same as if they can't get up in the mornings. There's quite a distance between 6:30pm and midnight. When mine were tiny, we generally put them down around 8pm. Family dinner, bath, story and sleep.

come back when your child is more than 12 weeks old..

Also midnight to 8 is not an achievement!

My thoughts too. OP you have given me a great chuckle this morning. Please do check in every three months for the next 18 years.

Exactly

😂
Putting a baby to bed at midnight is not an achievement.
Sleeping through (Which I wouldn't say yours is if they're not in bed till the middle of the night and only 8 hours) has no relaftion to bedtime. Come back after your second or third. 😊

This made me smile! See how things are in a few months/years!

Ahahaa! A new parenting expert. We all bow down to your wealth of knowledge.

Ever heard of a sleep regression?

Good luck.

My eldest used to start biting as a toddler when tired - the 6pm shoulder bite used to be a sign that his day was done. He did wake early but that was preferable to being bitten!

OP has disappeared.

Because she's tired then 🤷‍♀️. I could try and get her to have a late afternoon catnap and keep her up later, but then she wakes up at 5:30. Whereas bed at 6:30-7 usually means wake up at 6:30-7....

I was thinking about this the other day. I've never been able to sit downstairs knowing my kids are asleep and won't come back down. Never and they are 10 and 12 😮

Chill babe. Your time will come.

@TTukmgru I'm sure you have three or four other children? Because giving advice after your one child reaches three months, seems short sighted

I'm glad it's gone well for you so far, but baby needs routine. 7 pm is a good routine bedtime (HTH, from mum of 4) 🙂

First son was a nightmare to begin with. Would only sleep for half hour to 45mins at a time til around 8months then he would sleep 7pm-10am. 2nd woke every hour but would sleep again after a few oz. He’s 3yrs now stil wakes but for hours in the middle of the nyt. 3rd baby slept 10pm-4am bottle then sleep again till 8 then started sleeping 9pm-7am from 2month. He’s 6months now goes to sleep between 8/9pm get up at 7 but wakes a few times again due to teething. My niece sleeps half 6-half 6. I wouldn’t mind if mine done that would give me plenty time to switch off before bed. I go after baby falls asleep but spend hours rolling around trying to switch off

To be fair to the op, I've heard other people say this. Including my parents! They always put me to bed around 9pm and I woke up around 8am. Until I started school I didn't even have a bedtime as such - I'd go up for a bath and pjs, then come down again and watch telly with them until I fell asleep on the sofa and was carried up. I remember my parents being baffled by my friends' early bedtimes at primary school! They very much preferred a later wake up in the morning and even now my mum recalls with horror the neighbour putting her baby to bed at 6.30pm one summer and coming over to ask me to stop playing in the garden after that time so the baby could sleep undisturbed. Even now she says 'what time did the baby wake up? 4am?? Madness!' and is horrified that 6.30-7pm is actually considered a fairly normal bedtime.

Most people put older babies / toddlers to bed early, not 3 month old babies. Once your baby grows they won’t want to be up until midnight, after a lunch time nap they will be ready for bed early. Come back in 3yrs and let’s see what time your baby goes to bed. Parents want an evening. Your 3 months in with all due respect

Keeping a baby up till midnight is not great parenting and does not warrant you giving out advice

Sometimes you get a kid who wakes at the same time no matter what time they go to bed. So you may as well, in those circumstances, put them to bed earlier. If they’re going to wake at 5am or even before whether you put them to bed at 7pm or 11pm then it just makes sense to get some evening and get them a bit more sleep.

Ahhh. My first was one of these. A lovely happy little soul who slept through at 4 months. I thought I was a wonderful parent. Then I had DD...

At 3 months my babies were always with me. They dozed downstairs until I was ready to go to bed and then came up with me. They slept whenever they needed to and woke up to breastfeed from time to time. By 6 months we were putting them to bed for 7 to start getting a routine ready for when we all needed to be up for work and nursery at a reasonable time. All very manageable.
Now at 4 and 6 they need a solid 11 hours of sleep, which is generally 8 -7.

Your baby is tiny. It will need more nighttime sleep, 8 hours is very little. Most people enjoy having a bit of time in the evening without their children.

@Beees
I want a unicorn baby ! Stamps feet! 😀

My kids are parented the same. One needs his 6.30/7 -6/6.30, the other goes later and needs less

Parenting for 3 months gives you zero bragging rights!