AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

Lol cute advice op. Come back to us in 3-6 months time and let us know how you're getting on with those regressions. Oh and then toddler chaos. This thread is gold

Agree OP. When your baby is very young it makes much more sense to keep them "up" and downstairs with you until you go to bed. At some point it will become obvious that they are ready for bed earlier (I seem to remember it was around 5 months with mine - it was a big topic of conversation at NCT meet-ups anyway).

My 2 never slept more than 11 hours straight. Their bed time was 8pm from when they first had a bed time.

😂👏needed the laugh too. Currently have a 6 year old, starfishing in my bed, after bath, bedtime story and tucked in, hot coco thrown in, for 7.30. To become consistently "thirsty for water" or "random questions within another question to prolong bedtime".

I've now got half my arse hanging off the bed and a corner of the duvet.

Would I change it? Nope....I'd like more duvet though. But he's asleep. And got to be up for breakfast club in the morning. He will have enough sleep, he always does, and runs in. Yes maybe my fault for letting him procrastinate, but it works for us on the nights he is unsettled.

There is no set plan for parenting. No child is the same. You do best for each childs needs, and we know there all different.

I agree with you, OP. I mean...I don't have children, but I do have dogs! If I settle them too early, they'll wake me up in the middle of the night. 9pm is the sweet spot.

This!!!!! And love how OP is getting attacked for having an opinion with only one child but those with 2 / 3 / 4 suddenly become experts... Think it takes more than 4 times doing something to become an expert 🙄

My son was up all night until 4am then was really sick at 6am.

He's 25. Thankfully living in his own place but he did to let me know ...

Depends on the child too.
Dd1 was bed at 8.30, slept 12 hours from 6 weeks.
Dd2 was closer to 10.00 and would wake 2-3times overnight. Putting her down earlier just meant that she woke ready to play within a couple of hours.
Ds I had to fight to keep him awake until 7pm, whatever time he'd had naps during the day. He slept around 10 hours at hight, so this meant he was up at 5am, so I'd have far rather put him down a couple of hours later, but it didn't work.

My first slept through the night like an angel a total angel and always has done. In fact she would happily lie all day in her cot if I had left her there.

My second - sweet world slept for 20 minutes at a time and then screamed or fed constantly until the next beautiful 20 minutes several hours later. I had hospital specialists out etc - how I survived I don’t know - it was a total drama and trauma. I literally once or twice left the house as I couldn’t cope. He’s nearly 10 now and he still wakes up and comes for a cuddle and has to sleep with someone.

I got both end of the spectrum taught me the hard way not to be a smart arse

OP is getting a lot of flak, but MN really does run to the early end of the spectrum. Mine have never gone to bed as early as that. 6.30pm is dinner time at my house. They didn't get up at 6, mind you, but that was fine as we didn't need to be awake so early. I can't imagine how I would have gotten mine down before 7pm when they were still having afternoon naps (mind you one of mine dropped his afternoon nap before his 3rd birthday and he still didn't want to settle at night; still doesn't at 10!)

Mine wasn't (and still isn't a sleeper). I remember hours trying to get him to sleep in his cot then his bed. Now he's 9 and he is asleep by 9.30-10pm and up at 7.15.

I have to admit I couldn't understand how so many people had their toddlers and young primary age children in bed at 7pm. My DS was at nursery until 5.30and then we had to get home / cook dinner etc. He was also not one of these children that would happily go to bed on a sandwich / toast at that time. He would've been up at 2am wanting more food!

My baby was like yours Op. i was very smug until she was 2 and became a nightmare with her sleep. She's three now and still tricky and I have another baby who also doesn't sleep.
Bit much to be giving advice out after 3 months!

My 3 month old is breastfeeding, eventually sleeps at about 23.00/midnight but he still wakes up every 3-4hrs for a feed... Is this not usual? Should he be sleeping through?

My first was so easy to put down to bed when it suited me and slept very well... until about 6-7 months when all hell broke loose and she didn't sleep for more than a couple of hours in a row for several years. We tried putting her to bed later, earlier, co-sleeping, we got professional advice from the GP and CAMHS, alternative therapies, everything. It caused the end of my relationship and I'm still traumatised years later. I too was fairly smug at 3 months in OP.

This ^^

You've been a parent for three months

I don't think OP is coming back.

Well, not until 8am anyway

😂

Breastfed babies usually need more feeds as breast milk is lighter on the stomach than formula. Your baby is doing fine.

First rule of parenting club is don’t comment on other peoples parenting! That’s your most important lesson here (you will learn many more as we all do!)
My babies go down at 6. Toddler starts bedtime routine at 5! He’s knackered, prefers solid nighttime sleep and no daytime naps so that works for him. We get time to clean bottles/exhaustedly flop on the sofa/ make dinner etc and maybe even have a conversation.

My sons, 5 and 7, go to sleep between 6:30 and 7pm every night to wake up between 5 and 6. Would I like a lie in? Absolutely. Have I tried putting them down later? Obviously. They... still wake up between 5 and 6. Except now they're tired and moody all day.

Been this way since they were babies. It's almost like all children are different.

You've been a parent for 3 months.

Give yourself a little time to experience all this.

You'll see.

It's easier when you have a baby. They do nap during the day, and in the buggy. I remember bring able to go out for evening walks with DH, sometimes to a pub garden in the summer with DD in her buggy, already asleep. She was a good sleeper and would go to bed when we did afterwards.

However that only lasted for a few months and then she needed proper structured bedtimes and naps.

DS, when he was little, needed set bed times from the start. Everyone's different and we shouldn't judge others' parenting. What works for you, works for you.

Me too! Because surely no one would think they had cracked baby sleep at 3 months old, right?

This! I don’t really think you’re in a position to comment having had only 3 months of experience!

lol wait until your babies a bit older before you start judging others sleep routines - also just to burst your bubble your babies only 3 months old ao their sleep likely will change - just because they sleep 8 hours now doesn’t mean that will always be the case - think sleep regressions, leaps, teething….

good luck :)

I too have often wondered why some parents put their dc to bed so early if they wake at 5am. I never had the courage to ask though. I just assumed some dp’s are morning people.
However dh would never have seen the dc in the week if I had got myself organised enough to get them to bed at 6.30.
it was nearer 8 in our house.
Ds slept really well, dd was far less easy.
Dd used to sometimes have tea with a friend whose little sis was put to bed v. early and they had to talk really quietly, not easy for two excited primary school age dc.

I can't relate, my DC never slept through, still terrible sleeper at 8.

As a parent of 17 years and a few children i can warn you putting a child to bed at midnight will not work for much longer, 3 months old they sleep when they want, they have nothing to do all day. Try putting a toddler or nursery age child to bed at that time, your life will be hell! It might work for you now, but it won't for long. my youngest go to bed at 7.30 they sleep until 7 if I put them to bed at midnight, they would be an over tired mess all day.