AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

At this stage I'm mainly amazed at everyone assuming OP is a woman as the post read as oh so male to me last night

I am curious about the "up at 8am" folks - do none of you work? Do you all live super close to school?

We kinda need our kids up by 7/7:30 at the latest even though we live very close to nursery/school and have flexible jobs because we need some time to get them dressed l, breakfasted and out the door

Spend the day with my 2 year old she'll show you why she goes to bed at 6:30. All jokes aside she needs 12 hours sleep or she's very unhappy the next day. She wakes between 6-7 the same time as me and her older brother who is 5 and goes to be at 7:30.

It's great that your sleep pattern works for you but ours works for us. We're all up early for work/ school and a strong routine really helps my children and their behaviour.

I don’t know many with a routine that young babies get up for all kinds of reasons … however I do get your point with older kids most kids if you put them to bed early they will get up early ! My kids from say 3 have always gone to bed more like 8 because we didn’t get in from work till 6 and actually wanted to see them for a bit but never got up early. Guess it’s what you value the most a long evening no disturbance or a lie in

At 3 months, DD1 went to bed at 7ish and didn't wake up til 9ish. By about 9 months or a year, she was waking at 7 or 8am. She kept up the daytime naps until after her 2nd birthday.

DD2 woke up twice every night and was ready to start the day at 4am. She gave up her daytime naps at about 9months. I tried everything to get her to go to bed later but she wouldn't. She is 18 (years) now and still doesn't sleep much and happily gets up very early (although not at 4). DD1 still liked a lie in.

Everyone is different OP. What works with one child doesn't work with the next.

There have been a fair few comments in this thread along the lines of "I kept my kids up because I wanted to spend time with them" - you could equally say that those putting their kids to bed late don't like spending time with them in the morning.

I always found my kids much more fun and up for playing in the morning than in the evening when they were grumps.

I don't put them to bed early because I don't like them. I did though really enjoy being able to get a babysitter and go out in the evenings knowing that my kids were asleep and not missing us.

Hold up. The kid is sleeping 8hrs straight at 3 months old? That didn't happen until mine were about 5. 😂 I had years of wakes every 2hrs.

There have been a fair few comments in this thread along the lines of "I kept my kids up because I wanted to spend time with them" - you could equally say that those putting their kids to bed late don't like spending time with them in the morning.

For me personally it was because (during the week) I was going to work, and DS's were coming with me in the car to nursery.
So, any play time was in the evening.

Parenting for 3 months and yet to hit a sleep regression… 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

But playtime could equally be in the morning - if they were up earlier?

Are you talking about babies here? Or are you judging people with young children, an age group you have no experience of?

I don't think you have any standing on that one to be honest.

If you're talking about young babies here then my dd used to go to bed at 7pm at 3 months. She used to sleep through to 5am, have a bottle and go back down for another couple of hours. All babies are different. What works for yours might not work for others. You're also forgetting the whole host of other factors that affect baby sleep habits.

OP, My DS slept through from 10 weeks, I've never had a sleepless night with him in the 11 years he's been on Earth (except 4 days when he was in hospital with pneumonia!) BUT what I do not do is assume every child is the same, nor do I question any other parents way of rearing their child because I don't know their child and it'd probably be a really good way of tempting fate! It's a question that's bound to get other members to mock your naivety!

Oh gosh, I should’ve tried putting my colicky, reflux baby to bed at midnight to get a decent stretch of sleep! How funny.

in all seriousness, my 14 month old has to go to bed between 6.30-7pm as she is exhausted after a day at nursery and it’s physically impossible (not to mention cruel) to keep her up later as she just sobs and sobs as she’s so tired. She still wakes at 6 no matter what time she goes to bed so until she builds a bit more stamina her bedtime is about 6.30!

Every baby is different and I’m sure yours won’t tolerate a midnight bedtime for much longer. Good luck with that!

Well my 4 must have been alien children then because as babies they definitely slept when they wanted and woke up numerous times in the night

Midnight - 8? Don’t you have any free time with your husband in the evening? God I would hate that. Luckily my baby goes to bed at 8pm and wakes at 7am.

Well yes, if you want to shift your day to start your day at 5am so you can get 2hrs of play before getting up and out for work. And only if the whole family are up as well.
I'd rather have that play from 5.30 - 7.30pm. But yes, fair point, it just depends on your personal set up.

I didn't want to either but that wasn't the choice I had. It was :

Keep a grumpy tired child awake so that I could attempt to have quality time with him

Or let him go to sleep when he wanted to and play with him in the morning

Of course if you have a flexible child, that's great but in my case keeping him awake would have been selfish

Lucky you. I have 3 who are still and they all went through it to varying degrees. It’s a recognised major developmental change to sleep cycles.

It may be but people are talking about it like every baby goes through it and they don't, mine aren't unique.

I work full time. My LO (15m) gets up at 8am, reads a book whilst eating his breakfast (usually toast or cereal) and then is dressed and ready to go by 8:30/8:45. In nursery at 9. We take turns doing drop off so I'm in work for 9 or 9:15 usually. We do baths at night. For our showers etc, one of us gets up early (7:30) and the other finishes getting ready once the LO has left.

You must work super close to nursery!

Oops should have said I live 1 mile from nursery and 4 miles from work - cycle though so it only takes 15 minutes to travel to work

I think that's the critical factor. We both have 30-45min commutes, we just can't drop off at 9 and make it work.

Good for you though, sounds like a nice arrangement

Mine went to bed 7.30. I wanted a child free evening with my husband thanks. We had four kids between us, now ranging from 17 to 33. My son was an early riser - 6am was good going! But he's 19 now and still gets up really early.
Getting up at 8 wouldn't have worked for us anyway as my husband was at the gym for 6am, snd I had to be at the office by 9.30 dropping baby at daycare en route.
So f it works for you great, but realise that not everyone lives like you do (and I think 7.30 is more normal - never met anyone who put their baby down at 6)!