AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

Admittedly I do want an evening to myself (is that so bad) but DS 3 next month has to be in bed between half 6 and 7 because he's absolutely knackered. He doesn't stop the whole day. He gets up any time between half 6 and half 7. If he goes to bed later than 7pm, he wakes early because he's over tired.

I'm shocked that op hasn't come back to comment on this thread with more of her expertise in parenting. Come on OP. What other nuggets have you gleaned from your three months parenting an easy baby?

each to their own but our kids go to bed at 7:30 and sleep through till 7/8am and have been doing so since 3/4 months old.

My mother put all 5 of us to bed with 5 minutes intervalls between 7 and 7.30. My dad often had late meetings and from 7.30 my mom wanted quiet and the TV to herself. That was when me and my siblings were between 6 and 12 years old. I got punished very often for reading in bed. My own children never went upstairs that early, and bedtime was always a cosy moment, not a punishment. Same with my grandchildren. The oldest one is in reception and still likes to fall asleep in my arms.

Mine have only ever slept 10ish hours per night (best case) no matter what I do. So yeah, I do out them to bed later because I don't want to get up at 5:30am.

They go to bed 8/9pm and get up 6/7am. I wish they slept more but these are the kids we got lol.

This really cracked me up. So glad it's working for you and your family. Unfortunately, and I hate to break this to you, not all babies are the same. Sleep sceduels differ because babies differ.
It reminds me of a friend who's child is a couple of years older than mine. Her baby slept like clockwork through the night from 6 weeks. Mine woke every 90 mins on a good day for the first 18 months. We happened to have our second babies close together, guess what? Her second never, ever slept and she was at breaking point. She openly told me how smug she had been with the first one. All babies are different. Quit believing you have the answer. We are literally all just making it up as we go along.

Yes I did. She was breast fed and was doing just fine. Fed a lot throughout the day

3 months ,😆your child will follow several different routines over the next few years, some by you some they do by themselves. Wait untill you wean, it will be different again. At 3 months my baby's went down at 11pm after the last feed, woke up at 6 am. Fast forward to 8 months they went at 9pm woke at 5 am. At 2 they went down at 6.30 pm and slept for 12 hours. At 4 years one of the started sleeping at 8pm woke at 2am for a few hours then went back to sleep. As teenagers they never get up 😜 What I mean is don't count your chickens at 3 months, you have only just started.

I actually don't think it's unreasonable for the op to comment with a three month old baby. It's irrelevant that people with toddlers put their babies to bed at 7pm. I do myself. But when dc was three months old they went to bed at midnight.

I agree with the op that putting a three month old to bed super early won't work for a lot of people. Everyone I know who did it (which was the majority of my acquaintance) did indeed get woken up by the baby very early in the morning and complain about it.

Babies are ok with a later bedtime up to around 3 months because you can fit in lots of decent naps during the day. Once you get to 4 months the lengthening wake windows and inability to sleep longer than about 45 mins means you need an early bedtime for them to get enough sleep over 24 hours. Wait and see! 😂

My sister used to do this with my nephew. He’d then be up shouting at 5 or 6 every morning.
I agree with routine but 7.30 would be a better bedtime for an early waker.

The two just aren't necessarily linked. My son went through a period of waking up at 4:30 every day. Regardless of bedtime. He still wakes early at 5, it's just a morning person. Making bedtime later only made him more tired.

He went to bed at 7:30 btw.

My DD is 14 months and goes to bed anytime between 6:30 and 8pm we wait until she shows sleepy cues and some nights that can be bang on 6:30pm - I understand people not wanting woken up early but if their children need to go to sleep then they need to go to sleep 🤷🏻‍♀️

No you're right but it's pretty well documented that 3 months is probably the best they sleep in the first year of life. Mine had about 3 weeks of only waking twice a night between 7-7ish at that age. The rest of the time was total unpredictable carnage.

Ok so firstly you either got lucky or more likely you are deep sleepers or you used a cry it out method - studies show that babies that slept at night at that age or were trained to with cry it out still woke up - it's just you don't.

Secondly you haven't hit any of the regressions yet! The four month regression is fun, same with the 8 and 13 month - your baby has only just learnt night & day, there will be plenty opportunities for them to wake throughout the night!

Thirdly, you'll find over time that you crave spending time together. Putting your kids to bed at 7pm is good for them and means you get an evening together to relax and watch tv or do other things. My 15 month old is in bed at 7/7:30 and sleeps till 8am which is perfect for us. He wakes once for a night feed still.

Last tip - don't brag. You'll soon regret it when sleeping patterns (inevitably) change and no-one suffering genuine tiredness & sleep deprivation (it's actually normal for a baby to wake at night, abnormal not to) is going to thank you or want to be your friends!

Rule 1# of Parenting

Don't get Smug

Can’t wait to see your update in a month OP!

Yes YABU! You have just 3 months of parenting experience yet you think you know best. I actually laughed out loud at your comment. Come back to this in a couple of years…

There is no right time, it's what suits you as a family. My 2 woke at 5am on the dot no matter what time they went to bed. The eldest never slept through until age 7 years old and the younger one was ready for bed by 5.30 to 6 and slept through.
No one should give advice out about what is the right way.

8 has always been bedtime here. I think it’s a class thing to put the kids to bed early so the parents can have ‘supper’ in peace?
6:30 is crazy early for bedtime though. I think it verges on the border of cruel to expect a kid to sleep 12.5hrs.

Despite all the people having a go at the OP, she does have a point. We put DC to bed weirdly early in the UK.

MIL comments if she sees DC out at night e.g. "ooh, there was someone in the supermarket with a baby at 9pm!! Far too late" despite knowing that - at the time she said that - my then-18 month old didn't go to bed till 10pm.

All babies are different, of course. My eldest was a sleep fighter, there was no way of getting him to sleep before he was ready.

My youngest on the other hand, was better if in bed early as a baby; she had a window of opportunity - if you got get to bed about 7:30 she'd sleep fine but if you missed the window she got a second wind and got increasingly hyper and didn't want to sleep.

But also, our society does expect babies to be in bed pretty early, and I'm agree with the OP here that there are at least some mums who are shattered because they don't dare break convention and let their babies stay up late and consequently they're up with the larks.

If I'd bowed to MIL's disapproval when my DC were tiny, I'd have been frantically trying to get my DS to sleep and worrying what was wrong with him for staying up so late.

I think there's a lot of this about: unnecessary pressure on mothers to conform to other people's ideas of what's best, not find the rhythm that suits their own baby and themselves.

I agree with others that assuming you know what works with so little experience even of your own child is a little... presumptuous... BUT I do also totally agree, in that when my children were a lot younger (my youngest is 10 now) I would come across loads of people complaining that their kids were waking up really early (say, 5/6am) and I would always ask what time they put them to bed. It was usually about 6pm, sometimes earlier. It does seem obvious to me that if you want to get up later, put the kids to bed later...😅

Of course, there are lots of reasons why you might not want to do that, but at the same time, don't complain to me about it if you're not going to at least try that! 😆

(On the other side of the coin, at age 10 mine are still going upstairs at half 7, sleeping by half 8 latest, and I still sometimes have to wake them up for school at 7:15...)

It’s another cultural thing that I never quite grasped , growing up in a Mediterranean country we never go to bed before 9:30 pm and dinner is as a family around 8 pm .
My kids go to bed around 9 to 9:30 , wake up at 8 am .
I think often the parents just want to be alone so out them to bed to their convenience , although they then wake up at 5 or 6 am so I do t see the point

@chwaer Yes agree. I used to think kids needed early bedtimes but after having my own I discovered that actually they were very portable and no point putting them to bed early if you weren't going to be able to do anything useful with that time (even if that was just to sleep yourself). Later bedtime = a bit more of a lie in! (Sometimes)

Why are the majority of pps being so bloody nasty to the OP ? Whether you agree or disagree it really is not necessary to be so vile .
Am guessing you are all advising your children about the risks of online bullying 🤔and how to deal with it ,and definitely NOT to be that person .