AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

I can only speak from my experience, but the best advice I ever received was from my midwife when my first son was born. I was in bits, he never slept for more than 2.5 hrs at a stretch and I was new to the shock of motherhood. She said "start the beginnings of a bedtime routine now, it will be your rock going forward," and by gum she was right. Baby was about three months at the time, so similar age as yours OP. I started to follow her advice, a feed at about 5.30, a bath and a cuddle at 6.30, talcum powder, getting into pyjamas and a little book, then a bottle and down in the cot. Of course, he was up again 2.5 hrs later for more milk! But I kept at that routine religiously, and do you know what? By the age of six months, he was going down in his cot at 6.30 - 7pm and sleeping through until about 6.30 am. And I could eat my dinner, watch a film with hubby, chill out and potter in the evenings, read a book etc. There were no bedtime tantrums, no fighting to get him in his pyjamas, no resistance.

Routine routine routine, all the way. Not only does it make baby/toddler feel safe (because they know what to expect) but it gives you your life back just a little. You want to have made sure you've put the hard work installing a bedtime routine before they turn into a toddler, trust me!

Lol. My daughter used to go to bed at 5:30 (which I always thought was too early, but she was tired) and not wake up until 7:30 the next day. This was from 8 weeks old until about 2.5 years. Now it’s just 7-7. Do what works for you

@TheOrigRights op says 'I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days.'

For the most part a full time working parent of a 3mo will be a man. I guess it could be a lesbian or gay couple or a woman who decided to go back to work within 3 months of birth, but that's unusual.

They sleep when the want, nothing to do with your parenting.

Disagree. Couldn't actually disagree more.

Routine routine routine, all the way. Not only does it make baby/toddler feel safe (because they know what to expect)

This is actually a very underrated reason as to why routines are so good for children. It makes them feel secure and safe.

I am so glad that someone has finally cracked the sleep issue in babies, and shared it with the rest of us.
Because no one else has thought about this before, and tried it in their desperate search for sleep.
may the four months sleep regression pass you by…

I have a few years on you OP and my little one is in bed at 7:15 and asleep for 7:30pm and up at 7am. Doesn’t always sleep through and needs seeing to at night. When he was a 3 months old I had no routine and he came to bed with me. Didn’t sleep through his first full night until 2.5.

Disagree. Couldn't actually disagree more.

Please can you expand on that? How do you keep a tired three month old awake if they are tired?

@Justnosing did you really have an 8 week old who slept for 14 hours every night without waking up for a feed? That is a long time for a tiny baby to not have a feed.

DD was small when she was born, and breastfed. I had to feed her every three hours because she was so tiny. Her stomach was the size of a marble so there was no way she could have gone 14 hours between feeds.

Yep, what you're describing is super normal for a 3 month old. Ours always went to bed about 10-11pm with us at that age.

But try keeping a 3 year old up until 11pm!

You'll definitely find things change a lot with the 4 month sleep regression and when you hit teething at 6 months and separation anxiety at 8 months. And the novelty of parenting 24/7 will wear off and you'll want to drink prosecco and watch a film without your baby soon enough.

My 3 month old went to sleep at 11pm, then gradually began to bring it down until 8 ish by 1yr. Now at 3 she doesn’t seem to fall asleep before 9.30 most nights 😮 she sleeps through until 8ish/8.30 but I have to wake her on her nursery mornings. She just won’t go to sleep earlier and ice d up wasting my evenings trying to get her to sleep for hours before

😂😂😂
Come back in 5 years.

They wake up when they're hungry. Never wake a sleeping baby

Exactly! A 3month old is entirely different to a 6 or 7 year old -as you will find out!

no matter how late my children sleep, they always wake up at 5-6am. I struggled to do weeks of 8pm bedtime with screaming and tired children because of idiots like you giving advice with no concept that children can be different.

They go to bed at 6.30/7 because I need an evening to prepare myself for the early wake up. Plus evening time is awake time I could enjoy. 6-7am would be wasted with me sleeping and not being able to enjoy the freedom

idiot

I think people what do what works for them and their kids. I put my 6 month old down between 6:30-7 and she sleeps through to 6:30-7 and has done for a couple of months. But I understand this can all change with regressions, development milestones etc.

I was actually given lots of advice from other mum's to set a bedtime/wake time that will be suitable as they grow and it can help set their body clock. No idea if there's any merit in it but it's working, for now!

Both my younger two went to bed around 7pm and then woke at 7am - from about 12 weeks.

I've had enough of small children by that time in the evening and want a rest.

Do what works for you. Don’t ridicule others.

I remember comments from mums at the school gated by a Mum, a very aggressive, over confident woman who only Presented positives, the womans children were Low iQ and she kept quiet that they couldn't walk until 18 months yet she always went on about what great sleepers they were early on and never bothered her about anything.

Sounds like the scenario of 'this works for us, therefore we're doing it right and everyone else is wrong!'

Everyone is different. Every child is different.

My DS didn't wake at 2am for the day, even though we put him to bed at about 6.30pm.

However we did, controversially at the time, limit his naps during the day as he got older. If he slept too much during the day he wouldn't sleep well at night.

I was also exhausted. I wanted to be in bed by 8pm! So it worked for us to put DS down about 6.30/7. We'd eat dinner and have a hour or so of catching up with each other, spending time with DH like a grown up, or chores etc. Then I'd go to bed early, DH a bit later usually. I'd get up in the night to see to DS as I was SAHM, then usually up about 7am. Aiming for DS to be in bed for 12hours seemed about right for us!

Don't judge others by your own standards, we all have different lives!

Bless you and your 3 months experience of parenting!

Wait until you’ve been through a sleep regression before claiming you’ve cracked it!

Also wait until your 3 month old angel is an arsehole and you want some child free time in the evening to save yourself from walking out the door and never coming back!!

Hahaha these were my thoughts too!

My niece was from birth a lovely tiny newborn that would be happy to be cuddle for a while every now and then and then was put down on her bouncer for ages in the evening (she is 6months now and still weights short of 6kgs! So basically a feather). My sister is never in a rush to put her to bed as she can basically carry on with her life, have dinner, watch a movie, she even goes out to restaurants and has fine dining dinners with said baby! My DD was a different model, wanted to be held all day long, contacted napped, you couldn’t even think about cuddling her sat down or she screamed, you had to be on your feet and bouncing (she was a 99th percentil from birth so by 6months she was 10kgs!). We took turns to have dinner, take showers, etc. That lasted for months so OBVIOUSLY I was ready to put her to bed by 7pm! I would have gone mad staying awake with her until 12pm, but I guess with a baby like my niece I could (slightly) understand the temporary arrangement to put her down later to try and get a lie in. On another hand my sister seems to think her DD will be a cute static baby forever and makes fun of me when I start the night routine so I can get rid of my DD (she’s 13mo old now, walking since 11mo, doing all sorts of mischief when awake, I cannot take my eyes from her for a nano second or she tries to kill herself) but then my niece will soon be a toddler running around until God knows what time and I’ll be sat down having a glass of wine with my cute energetic baby happily sleeping in her cot. So long story short: if you have a placid baby/newborn I can understand a later bedtime so you increase your chances to sleeping later in the morning, but if you have an average baby/newborn that needs constant attention and bouncing you’re gonna KILL for those extra 2 ou 3h alone in the evening before going to bed yourself. HTH

My now 5yr goes to bed 630 and often have to wake 745 for school so does a good 13hrs

friends and school mummy’s hate me lol

yes sometimes awake 7am but never before

as a baby she always did 7- 7/8 and napped daytime

toddler 730-7/8 and 2hr sleep

some children like sleep

Does anyone have the feeling that someone has lit a firework and stood back and watched hundreds of mumsnetters ,probably sleep deprived as I am,explode,whilst watching and laughing,seeing as the OP hasn't replied to anything lol 😂

You do what works for you and your child(ren) and that’s it really, isn’t it? Who cares outside of your family? At 3 months everything is set to change. And change again, and again, and again etc etc Good luck OP!