AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

haaahahh wait for the 4month regression - good luck

Absolutely this. Nighttime sleep is different from daytime sleep, certainly from around the age your baby is now. If you keep them up until midnight they will be massively overtired and their lack of sleep will make them miserable. In your position I'd start moving their bedtime earlier.

It's because we've all been up since 5am

Haha! Nice judgmental and shaming use of words there.

(I do actually quite like getting rid of them in the morning because I'm a human adult that needs time alone/with other adult company)

I would imagine that at 3 months, OP's baby sleeps during the evening. So she is just not putting it to actual bed untill midnight when she herself goes to bed. I doubt a 3 month old is actually awake all that time.

And that's fine, especially if OP herself is up till then as babies thta young shouldn't be sleeping unsupervised anyway, we used to to keep ours down with us untill we were ready for bed till about 4 months and often I would go to bed early and DH would stay down with the baby and bring them up at around 11 when they needed a feed so I could get some uninterupted sleep before the nightsift kicked in (BF baby). It will also explain why OP isn't missing an evening to herself as it's hardly a great hardship to sit and cuddle a snoozing baby or watch netflix when a baby sleeping next to you.

it's hardly a great hardship to sit and cuddle a snoozing baby or watch netflix when a baby sleeping next to you.

It's hardly freedom though it is. You have to creep around and/or be under a sleeping baby.

Best to get them off to bed.

My thoughts too. Also babies learn loads from cues. Eg. Lights off, lullabies, sleep.

Not sure netflix and eating a ready meal one-handed are the bedtime cues you want to establish in the long term 😁

Well op my first two dc were fantastic sleepers, doing a full 8 hours from 4 and 6 weeks old respectively. The next two dc were a pair of absolute horrors who didn't sleep for longer than a couple of hours until they were toddlers! Give it time your dc may well prove you wrong!

Sure. For some. Others don't mind. For us it also had a purpose (my sleep!). Plus 3 months is very young and they aren't really meant to sleep in a seperate room at that stage.

But mainly, as I said, I think this probably explains why OP doesn't mind keeping her baby up with her. A toddler running around at 11pm is a very very different kettle of fish.

Children are all different OP. I have one who loves going to bed. From about 7 weeks old she wanted to go to bed at 6pm and would lose her shit if she didn't get to go (took a bit of trial and error to figure out why she started screaming at 6.30 every night!) she's 16 months now and shortly after 6 will announce NIGHT NIGHT and try to take herself off up the stairs

My 5yo, on the other hand, would sit up until midnight on the sofa beside me if I let him. Both kids have the same parents, same genes, they're just different. You have to be led by what your child wants (within reason obviously)

There was one sleep deprived night when my youngest was about 6 or 7, and I needed sleep that day.more than any in my actual existence...I changed every single clock in the house to two hours earlier, then claimed it was bedtime and they actually fell asleep 2 hours early. It was like a miracle!! It was an act of desperation and I was surprised it worked.

Caveat : only works once, very much like a Black Friday discount code.

That's my solid advice for this thread.

Also, you've been a parent for 3 months - you'll learn that wake times differ in winter and in summer. Lots of kids sleep until 8am in winter because that's when it starts to get light. They seem to have their own sort of hibernation mode.

But 8pm isn’t a ‘late’ bedtime? I would say 9 onwards is late, 8 isn’t late at all?

Jesus, why are people being so arsey?

Some info:
Baby sleep chart by age
Babies sleep a lot: From 12 to 16 hours or more a day. As a rule, newborns sleep around the clock, and babies gradually sleep less and take fewer naps as they grow older. Every baby is different, so their sleep schedules will be different too. Consider this a general guideline:
Age: Nighttime: Daytime: Average Total Sleep:
Newborn 8 to 9 hours 8 hours (varied number of naps) 16 hours
1 month 8 to 9 hours 7 hours (varied number of naps) 15.5 hours
3 months 9 to 10 hours 4 to 5 hours (three naps) 15 hours
6 months 10 hours 4 hours (two or three naps) 14 hours
9 months 11 hours 3 hours (two naps) 14 hours
12 months 11 hours 3 hours (two naps) 14 hours
18 months 11 hours 2.5 hours (one nap) 13.5 hours
2 years 11 hours 2 hours (one nap) 13 hours

Hours of sleep by age
Getting enough sleep at night is linked to better health in just about every area of life. It helps with emotional regulation, educational performance, attention span, and physical wellbeing. In general, people who get enough sleep have a higher quality of life. The opposite is true as well. Consistently missing out on sleep is detrimental to your health. Poor sleep is linked to behavioral issues and learning difficulties. Regular sleep deprivation contributes to chronic health issues like hypertension, depression, and obesity. And while that may be discouraging to read as a sleep-deprived parent, it will get better.
Here are sleep guidelines for people of all ages, according to the National Sleep Foundation:

Age: Recommended average total sleep:
Newborn 14 to 16 hours
4 to 11 months 12 to 15 hours
1 to 2 years 11 to 14 hours
3 to 5 years 10 to 13 hours
6 to 13 years 9 to 11 hours
14 to 17 years 8 to 10 hours
18 to 25 years 7 to 9 hours
25 to 64 years 7 to 9 hours
Over 64 years 7 to 8 hours

Because someone who has three months of parenthood came on to school the collective wisdom of Mumsnet that we've been doing it wrong all along

Plus I think it might be a man who is mansplaining to the silly mummies ;)

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
congratulations on being a parenting oracle after parenting one child for 3 months.

They sleep when the want, nothing to do with your parenting.

Let's hope you don't have one like my younger 2 . Couldn't keep them up longer than 6.30/7 as toddlers, they were knackered . Didn't matter a toss that I didn't want to start my day at between 5-6

One is still up everyday between 5-6 now and he's nearly 10, doesn't matter what time he goes to bed

Hate these stats so much, after having two children who never slepts as much as recommended, despite continual and persistent effort to get them to sleep more. There is not much worse information to read as a sleep deprived, desperate new mum - that not only are you not managing to get your baby to sleep for your own sanity/ rest, you are also doing them damage. Doubel failure.

Incidently both mine (now 9 and 5) turned out alright, and still don't sleep as much as is recommended for thier ages.

But do you think it takes 4 pages of people to tell the OP that?
It's like everyone piling in to stick the boot in after the first few responses threw her to the ground.

What makes you think the OP is a man?

The household bedtime routine starts at 6.30. my younfest

Oops hit enter by mistake there and I lost all motivation to type anymore so just imagine the rest for yourself.

Poor sleep is linked to behavioral issues and learning difficulties

Whilst this is true it is often used by sleep trainers to frighten parents into paying for their services. Frequent night wakings are normal for young children providing the child is getting enough sleep overall, please don’t be frightened to read such a thing and think that if your child wakes every 2 or 3 hours there is something wrong, there isn’t.

My son has sleep apnoea and wakes hourly and has done since he was born. He is very advanced for his age and can do things some children a year older than him can’t. His frequent night wakings don’t impact his learning.

Also, OP, I could put him to bed all range of hours and this medical condition means his sleep wouldn’t change. It’s not an uncommon condition, nor are other things that cause children to wake such as tongue tie or dietary allergies, but they’re often disregarded. No amount of white noise or later bedtime will adjust my child’s sleep, surgery is the only answer.

Because that’s exactly what the OP wants I reckon! And despite having replied to them, I suspect this is deliberate (and very successful) trolling!

Lots of newborns are good sleepers. Mine both have been but 4m sleep regression is real in a lot of cases. Baby and toddler sleep changes so much and in some stages an earlier bed time is appropriate. When I was in the thick of it and absolutely knackered when my 1st was 10 months or so, I used to start putting her down at 6.... she'd wake up so early but I was so tired by the evening that I just wanted her in bed. A vicious cycle I know but you can see how it happens!

For reference my current 3 month old sleeps from 8:30 until 6 ish. But I'm under no illusion that I've cracked her sleep.