AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

It does seem early to me, but then again, I don’t think my dd has ever gone to bed earlier than 7pm. If a child is tired at that time & they are getting enough sleep, then that’s their bedtime. There is no magic time.
(despite what sleep experts like to tell us)

Dd is 3 and has always been more of a night owl. Now she’s dropped her nap, her bedtime is 9pm and she sleeps through till 8, which is ideal for dh and I! It means dh gets to spend time with dd when he gets home from work (otherwise he would only see her for half an hour or so) we have tea together every night and he can help with bathtime etc. Dh and I get a couple of hours together in the eve & Dd wakes up happy and energetic.

Ha ha. You haven’t hit the 4 month sleep regression yet just you wait. Also midnight till 8 isn’t enough sleep for a 3 month old. My 3 year old sleeps 7-7 if I let him stay up till midnight he would be horrific the next day ? Sleep breeds sleep so it’s actually better to put them to sleep by 7. 3 months is too early to get into a proper sleep schedule anyway , some children are just early risers no matter what time they go to bed it’s just luck.

I'm baffled at someone with a 3 month old telling me they've cracked it when my 120 month old would have to disagree with you. 😂😂

120 month old

😂

Come back in a few years love 😂😂

This is exactly the reason for us! we have a 7:30 bedtime, a few hours to relax, get jobs done, watch some TV have a little chat with my husband and then we go to bed. I couldn't stay awake myself until midnight haha!

I think people do what works for them, and their routine and it will be different for everyone, if you've found something that works for you, even in the short term stick with it, but everyone else is doing the same. Your way works for you - not necessarily everyone else.

Lol. Please come back to this thread in a couple of years @Tukmgru and tell us if your brilliant bedtime strategy is still working for you.

I don't think she's done a runner, she's probably overslept because baby realised they're not supposed to have routines yet so disturbed her 7 times last night

@Mulhollandmagoo 7.30 is a totally normal bedtime. I think for me when people are taping black out sheets to their kids windows so they’ll go to bed at 6pm in summer after being in the house for all of an hour after school that’s when it’s batshit 🙈

Well op, because the kids are tired. And often keeping them up later doesn't mean to later wake ups which just mean even more tired kids. That said, I agree that kids can't be expected to sleep 16 hours in a row so you have to adjust to the 9-13hr sleep window you get. We landed on 7/8 pm - 5/6am as that what seemed to suit our kids. But then I never stay up till midnight myself.

I would wait to judge others till you've had a little more experience.

Well op, because the kids are tired.

And also sometimes they're just knobs and you need some headspace

Also you get your babies into a rhythm. All three of mine were put to bed at 7 after their bath from the word go. They were all pretty good sleepers and went for long stretches between feeds which was luck more than anything. However if you don’t even put them to bed at 7 then don’t ever expect their body clocks to get used to it at a later date.

Best of luck with your toddler going to bed at midnight, you’re going to need it.

😂 that too!

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.
My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I never met anyone baffled that babies wake up in night for feeds - fairly standard and at 3 months all one mine were still with us and going to bed with us.

Also none of mine slept 8 hours - they didn't sleep any substantial time till nearer 1 - they are all now teens - one really good sleeper who likes to go to bed early 8.30 and get up really early, one terrible who'd be up to the early hours and sleep morning away of we let him - and one in-between.

You have literally just described my life 🤣

I remember with my first child who was breastfed that I didn't get home from work until 9:30pm and he would always wait up for his last feed. He was never a good sleeper anyway, but if I had put him to bed at 6:30pm I would have been up from 4am. My colleague was complaining of her child waking early, but was putting them to sleep around 6:30pm and she did this to get time with partner in evenings. I think it's rare you get a morning lie in or time in the evenings with no kids, and more often than not you will need to choose.

My son now goes to bed at 8:30/9 and wakes at 7am. He's 8, so think that's fine and he seems to have got better at sleep as he has got older. Three year old has same pattern, sometimes gets up earlier and still wakes in the night. Neither had much of an appetite for sleep when babies.

Not sure at 3 months you are really in a position to give sleep advice to other parents !

My 5 month old goes to bed at 7/8pm, dream feed at 11pm and sleeps through until 7am most days.

We started a routine with her at 5 weeks and stuck at it, we now get a few hours to ourselves on an evening to do jobs/relax etc. Which we love but we're very aware it can change at any minute!

At 3 months your baby needs between 14-17 hours sleep per 24 hours. How you divide that up into day naps/overnight sleep is ultimately up to you.

Personally I wouldn't keep my baby up until midnight with me and then take them to bed at same time, give it a few months and you'll probably have hell on putting them to bed before midnight when you want to!

lol..... I once told my kids it was 7:30 - time for bed - even though it was only 6;30 as they had been such hard work.

Luckily my eldest didn't check the time and my youngest can't read the time lol.

I was fully prepared to say YANBU until you revealed you have a baby who is...3 months old <eyeroll>

My babies never went to bed before about 9 when they were babies, I agree there is no point putting them to bed earlier when you don't have to get up in the morning. By the time they were in nursery, it was around 730 as they (and I) needed to be up.

Personally I think trying to instigate a timetable at 3 months is utterly bonkers, just go with the flow.

I agree with you! I used to do things with the kids after school, play date with cousins, park, etc. get home at 6, make dinner, quiet play time or cuddles and Tv , bath, then they went to bed at 8.

6:30pm, especially on a summer evening, seems like a rush to put them away early to get rid of them.

Agree with those who say it's a choice between time to yourself in the evening, and a later morning. I preferred an earlier bedtime (not 6:30, more like 7-8) becuase I was shattered at the end of the day.

This.
Babies learn about schedules from what you teach them. Mine slept well I think in part to my work schedule whilst pregnant. His body clock was set to mine already.

Children that sleep well, can adjust to different schedules. So babies need to be taught to see sleep as a safe and important part of life. Over tired kids tend to sleep less..They have school for 11 years at least and life is 100% easier if it’s not a hideous rush in the morning.

Depends on the child.

PFB was literally just 4 when she started school and couldn't cope with much in the evenings as was so exhausted - next child was the same only youngest with fewer sensory issues wasn't as bad and by then there were later nights and busy evening as older kids were in groups and activities.

As soon as they could cope after school with more we had them join groups and activities and in summer went down the park in evenings plus we'd also had to start home support as they were struggling.

I know there are kids who aren't tired by school and then yes lots of activities - but it got very vexing when such parents with kids often 12 months older than mine who patronisingly tell me my kids couldn't be that exhausted as their children weren't.

I actually like spending time with my kids - so wasn't rushing them to bed rather responding to their unique needs.

Jesus, this thread is very catty!