AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

My kids slept through from 12 weeks and 14 weeks respectively. 7:30pm to 6am. They are much older now. I didn’t tell anyone I knew because I didn’t want them to hate me!

Yes, I used to think like you OP when I had my first. Fantastic baby who loved sleep more than anything else.
Then I had my second who appeared to think the sole purpose of life was to scream morning, noon and night....and any time in between. Still a bad sleeper as an adult, although fortunately the screaming stopped.
Let's just say that if the first born had been like the second, there wouldn't have been a second!
Every parent has their own way of doing things, there's no right or wrong way. The only way is the way that works for them.

Thanks for the giggle, OP.

I agree with you but also you cant compare 3 months to 3 years.

I put my 3 MONTH old up at mindnight too, my 3 YEAR old wents up at 8.

I now have a 1 and 4 year old... 4 year old still at 8 and 1 year old at 8.30 and both sleep until 7.30 which is hand because thats when we have to get up for the school run anyway.

I find 6 far too early too and never understood it either but you will get a right bollocking from noisy ass health visitors letting a toddler stay up until midnight (trust me).

Same!! We often got the full 1930 to 0730!!

Obviously every family has to do what is right for them. But when parents complain about those early wake ups, I can't help wondering if the early bedtime doesn't help

Yes, we had a few people who "couldn't help wondering" (and verbalising) this too. What they failed to consider is that most parents who are sleep deprived really don't like being sleep deprived and have tried lots of things to address it. If it was as simple as putting them to bed a bit later we'd definitely have done this. Unfortunately, a later bedtime for us resulted in an extremely overtired DC who would then take hours to settle and still wake up early anyway.

Mine are both in bed for 7pm and wake about 6:30-7am. They're 4.5 and 2. My 2 year old dropped her naps months ago and now that my 4.5 year old has started reception he's shattered by 6pm mon-fri. They couldn't stay awake much longer than 7pm-7:30 and sometimes my 2 year old is in bed asleep for 6:30 if we've had a really busy day and she's shattered. Its horses for courses though. I couldn't imagine not putting them to bed till late but then I don't mind them getting up early as they need to be up for school and nursery anyway.

Yes I have often wondered this myself.

You have to go by the child and how much sleep they need, but have often wondered about friends who put their young children to bed extremely early and then complain about them waking up at 5am or so.

I have 3 kids so quite experienced.

I look forward to reading your update when your baby is a 3 year old and won't go to bed until you and your partner go to bed! You will be desperate for a break from him :0)

It's all about establishing good sleeping practices. My two slept through from 7-7 from 3 months. So important for them to get used to going into their bedrooms and getting themselves off to sleep.

DS is in bed by 6:30 for stories etc lights out at seven, he gets up between 7/7:30am if we've had a very active day it's sometimes closer to 8am. Not sure why I should put him to bed later?!

You do realise children are all different right? Or is this news to you?
My 2 year old would go down at 9pm for months and wake at 6am, now he goes down 6:45pm and wakes at 7am.
It changes, they change. Sleep isn't linear.

It's easier to take them to bed with you at 3 months old because they nap so much in the evening! (Atleast that was my experience!) You wait until the 4m sleep regression 😆
My 6 month old now only has 3 x 20 min naps! I'm exhausted by bedtime. He goes to bed at 7.30pm and wakes at 8am (wakes twice in the night for 5 mins each time for a feed). I really couldn't hack having him up until midnight with me!

I also wondered this before I had kids.
My oldest child's body clock is programmed to get up at 7 no matter what time he goes to bed. If he doesn't his get a full quota, he gets over tired and run down. We tried so many times to stretch him out and change his routine but it doesn't make any difference. So it's in his best interests to get his full sleep.

Reason 2: I've 3 kids. I want to have a conversation with husband, tidy up, get stuff ready for the next day, iron uniforms etc.

Ours go to bed at 8 but sometimes I start the unwind at 6.30. Children are able to develop and learn best when they are well rested.

Good luck op 😀

My eldest is 24 and I still haven’t got a handle on her sleep patterns she’s all over the place 🤣
I know this because I get phone calls from my Uber driver to let me know that they’re outside my house 450 miles away from my house picking her up.

My boys were early risers waking at around 5am.

If I put them to bed at 7pm, they woke refreshed at 5am

If I put them to bed at 8pm, they woke at 5am but were cranky and tired by 4pm

If I put them to bed at 9pm, they woke at 5am and were cranky and tearful all day

So they went to bed between 6:30-7pm and we all woke refreshed and ready for the day. Going to bed later doesn't necessarily mean they sleep later. As they got older they went to bed around 8 but were more able to mange after less sleep.

4 month sleep regression. Everything you ever knew out the window. It’s coming

I too think that a 7pm bedtime is probably too early - ours always went to bed later than that (with a long afternoon nap) else I would never see them unless I left work at 5pm which was never going to practical. This is pretty typical in say France when no one expects really to put little kids to bed at 7pm. I also think it makes it more likely that the kids wake up at 5am which would be a nightmare.

Hahahaha OP …. yeh you’ve obviously got it right - the rest of us are CLEARLY doing it all wrong 🤔🤔😆😆😆

I tried this with my eldest but it just didn't work. She was overtired and would scream the house down so I'd get even less sleep. It's also very hard to stay up till midnight when you are sleep deprived. My sister does this with her son and it suits her as she doesn't work, he's her only child and she has no need to be up early. It means however that her whole evening is taken up with him so she doesn't get one on one time with her dh. My ds would still wake up at 6am no matter what time he went to bed and he carried on with that till he was 3. My dd2 has slept through from 3 months. I've stuck rigidly to an 8pm bedtime just after my older two go to bed and it means I then have the whole evening to myself. I'm a working mum and I need the downtime too.

It really isn't one size fits all when it comes to kids. You've got one, so it's easy enough getting up late, it's much harder when you need to drop them to school or a nursery and get yourself to work too.

That's it isn't it, if they are in bed at 6.30 or 7 a working parent hardly sees them Monday to Friday. I loved my evenings with them when they were little. To be fair one of mine was still an early waker but that was just him.

Wait until the sleep regressions 🤣

I've got 4, all adults now, I'd never even heard of sleep regression until the last couple of years and I certainly never experienced it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have two children (4 and 6) and they go to bed at 6.30pm most nights because they are exhausted! Keeping them up later doesn't work either- they still wake at 6am so if I'm going to get woken at 6am then I'd rather have an evening to myself. Just wait....

I knew the cowardly OP would have done a runner even before I clicked on 'see all posts'.