AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

Mine is 4 and she's knackered by 6. We're up at 5 because I have to set off for work at 7. If she stayed up any later she'd be overtired, wouldn't sleep for ages, I'd be thoroughly miserable and we'd both be tired in the morning. Days I'm not at work she sleeps till 7.
She goes to bed at 6, I get an evening to do things by myself, we're both happy.

Sorry but is this a real post 🙄. Judging people on what time they put their kids to bed!

I have a 12 Yr old and an 8 Yr old. Since about 3 months old they both had their set routines. Now my 8 Yr old goes to bed at 7 30, has her tablet for half hour and sleep at 8. My 12 Yr old goes at 9.30. It's much healthier for them and me and my half get some adult time. They wake up at 6am ish and sort their own breakfast and watch t.v until I'm up at 7. Simples.

Everyone is different but a routine needs to be established ASAP and one that suits all of you.

12 pages and the Op hasn't been back................

I actually agree with you, none of mine ever slept before 8 and they'd sleep until 8 in the morning otherwise they'd be up 6!
My sister complains about her daughter waking at 5 and when asked what time she goes to bed she says 6. I did ask if it was worth trying a slightly later bedtime but oh no,can't do that!
Just do what works for you. Enjoy your lie ins I do!

If I need to put my 3-year-old to bed later than normal as we’re out, she tends to wake up close to her normal time, feel tired and be a nightmare all day and then struggle to even get through to her normal bedtime. Worst is if it’s bad enough there’s no choice but to let her have a nap which, however short it is, will mean she won’t fall asleep for the night until very late, but will be up at her normal time, the sleep deprivation will exacerbate and we get stuck in a vicious cycle.

Trying to figure out sleep with some kids can feel like an impossible riddle, and just when you think you’ve got a handle they switch it up on you. Many parents will have tried all kids of configurations of bedtimes, nap times and lengths, sleep aids and routines. You might get lucky, but it’s common for things to suddenly change and get much harder around 4 months.

Fwiw I think mine both went down around 9.30-10 at 3 months, it’s when the naps started regularising and I paid more attention to the patterns they were naturally falling in to it moved down. Of course, with a second child you’ve also got the routine and habits of the first to consider. No benefit to baby being up until midnight if your toddler is awake with the sun (even with fucking blackout blinds, a groclock, and all of the different bedtime and nap configurations you’ve experimented with).

I have a friend whose child consistently wakes at 5am. She has tried putting her DC to bed at early bedtimes and late bedtimes, it makes no difference.

Just because other children have differently sleep needs, don’t assume that’s because of their ‘lesser’ parenting. How arrogant.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Come back in 3 years OP. Maybe your excellent sleeper will remain an excellent sleeper, or maybe you'll have one that wakes up at 5:30 no matter what time they go to bed and so if they don't go to bed at 6:30 then you have to deal with a grumpy toddler all day.

Just... get a bit more experience under your belt before you start handing out that wisdom of yours.

That’s a good point, I hadn’t thought about an evening nap, I had visions of this child having their 4/5pm nap and then being up till midnight, I was thinking god that kid must be exhausted!

😂😂😂 Oh this did make me laugh.

Mine sleep 6:30-7:30 now, but are older than three months(!)

It’s a biological necessity to feel like you would do it better than other parents pre-kids. That’s how the human race keeps going. This usually evaporates when your baby is born, and occasionally extends to a few months when you realise up until now you’ve just been lucky.

Our first always wakes at 6-630 wether we put him down at 630pm or 830pm so I'd rather just have the extra time at night tbh!

Lots of people disagreeing with you but putting our kids to bed late when they were small worked for us too. At around 2 months we got them into a routine of going to bed at 9 which then became 8 when they started to drop naps. They weren't amazing sleepers in terms of sleeping through the night but at least they were never up for the day by 5.30 which is what all these kids who were being put to bed at 6.30 would do and some still did for a long time.

I used to try to explain our routine to people and they just said that their child would be too cranky if they went to bed that late and would be up early anyway. Well, yes, if you do it as a one off- you have to shift the whole routine! Then they'd carry on moaning about their baby being up for the day at some silly time in the morning.

I didn't put dc down early as babies, bedtimes got earlier as they got older and became more active and started school. Some dc who've started school this September night need an early bedtime, they'll be very tired towards the end of term.

I would be careful about being smug at 3 months, especially if you're planning any more dc, you might find the next one is very different.

We found similar at around that age and just kept him with us till we went to bed (it fits the safe sleep guidelines as well as they are meant to be in the same room as you for all sleeps at that point).
We found by about 4 months he was so grumpy in the evenings and we needed to put him to bed earlier and earlier.
As they get bigger you want a break and some adult time in the evening more. I imagine as they get older that gets more and more needed.

But I agree for tiny babies, always thought it was strange people battling to get them to bed at 7 but then I don't really rate routines in general till much older. Easy to deal with the cluster feeding in front of the TV with lots of tea!

I have a friend whose child consistently wakes at 5am. She has tried putting her DC to bed at early bedtimes and late bedtimes, it makes no difference.

So what happens when the clocks change twice a year? I'm sure they are able to shift the child's sleep patterns then.

8pm isn’t late though?

Their child now gets up at 4 since the last one. But they aren’t that old yet to have seen many clock changes.

You are aware that children are different right? And your one fits all approach doesn’t work?

I guess they prioritise their evenings over being up at 5.

To be fair I made a rod for my own back with baby coming to bed with me. I was a single mum and so just spent the evenings with him because I worked afternoons so he went to nursery 1-6. I changed my hours when he started school but he still wanted to go to bed with me. If he heard me go downstairs he’d get up and ask why I wasn’t in bed. He’s 9 now and goes to bed at 9 but it took me quite a while to get him out of the habit!

So what happens when the clocks change twice a year? I'm sure they are able to shift the child's sleep patterns then.

Well since the last clock change my non sleeping monster is still not fully adjusted and is often still waking earlier. He's only slept slightly better recently because he's been unwell.

If you don't have a child like that then lucky you but trust me those of us who do have tried everything you could suggest and more. I don't particularly like him going to bed early but it's the only way he gets any sleep. Keeping him up longer just so I can say he goes to bed later when he will still wake early would make me a shit parent who didn't prioritise my child's wellbeing?.

How long naps do they have? 8 hours isn't much night time sleep for a 3 month old.

I wouldn’t if it was me either. Total
pile on of a thread. Awful.

Made me laugh! Brilliant.

Yes of course, but I doubt there are large cohorts of children who simply cannot adjust to clock changes.
It looks like they are all children of MN'ers.

You must live in a magical world. Most parents children wake during the night (because it’s biologically normal) and don’t just magically adjust to clock changes. Especially when they’re tiny.

I know berry few parents who have these dream sleepers, hence why a majority of people are on this thread saying the OP is being unreasonable. Infant sleep is designed to include frequent wakings. Humans are designed that way. Just because your children have easily adjusted maybe you should appreciate that rather than attacking other people whose children don’t. Which is the majority.

Yes of course, but I doubt there are large cohorts of children who simply cannot adjust to clock changes.
It looks like they are all children of MN'ers.

I know quite a few but we just don't tend to talk about it much as other people with children who sleep well tell us we're lying or that we need to just try x, y and z and everything will be fine.