AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

You're very fortunate that's working for you. You may well be setting yourself up for major issues when your little one is a toddler though. Once they start moving about and using more energy, they'll start to flag around teatime. You'll then likely end up with a grumpy, fractious toddler who doesn't know how to go to bed at a normal hour because they've never been shown how.

I genuinely planned to do this but my first was a total grump if you tried to keep him up in the evening - he actually had a 6pm bedtime for a while which was very inconvenient all round but yeah there was no chance of quality time with him in the evenings. I had to adjust my way of thinking and treated 6am when he was full of beans as my time to play with him.

@Tukmgru You wouldn't like me as all my children were Gina Ford babies and slept from 6.30PM - 6.30AM (thereby slightly trashing your theory that children who go to bed early don't sleep). One big reason I went down that route was that I was a SAHM and wanted the evenings to be a break from babies and toddlers and a chance to talk to my husband. I don't remember any sleep regression, so you might be lucky.

Oh god OP seriously? Just take the fact that you are bloody lucky. Your baby will probably move to a different sleep cycle soon as well. There's no rhyme or reason to this often, take the good times while you can! We never had family help either. Enjoy the miracle 8 hours but have the humility to realise it's a crap shoot.

Well this absolutely nailed it by the first post

My kids sleep 6:30-6:30 which means they get up in time for the eldest to get to school by 8:00.

You've had 3 months parenting experience, I hope you don't sound off in real life, you'd embarrass yourself quite a bit

Ah another "mind boggling discovery" that is actually utter rubbish. My son goes to bed around 8ish and in the summer was up at 5. My niece has always slept from 6.30 and wakes at 7. She is also the better sleeper out the 2. Changing naps/bed time had zero effect on my 3 years of being a parent. You haven't even reached the 4 month regression yet so don't get too comfortable on your pedestal.

I hope you don't ever have the sleep issues some parents too but the whole passive attack on other mums needs to stop. Every child is different and they haven't read the thousands of "guide books" that have been produced telling us we are doing everything wrong. It's bad enough having a lack if support after having a child but to have other mums preach is even worse

Yeah my daughter slept through from around 10pm-6pm at the age of 8 weeks. We moved the time forwards over the next few months and eventually her normal time was 6.30pm to bed and woke at 7.30am. She's 18 now.

Maybe that's why.

Awww you’re right before the sleep regression stage and thinking you’ve got it all worked out. Next couple of months will hit you like a ton of bricks!

What the op is saying is right for some babies. About 30% of us have voted YANBU. Mine are 15 and 18 now so it's not that I'm a new parent. I just agree with her that what she is saying was best for mine too.

No. Baby's get easily overtired, their brains then produce cortisol which then causes disrupted, low quality sleep.

No, you're not.

@lawofselfish
No. Baby's get easily overtired, their brains then produce cortisol which then causes disrupted, low quality sleep.

But surely babies sleep wherever they are whether it be in the living room or bedroom.
Mine were breastfed and would feed and sleep on and off until 11pm and then were put into a crib when we went to bed.

I agree OP. Dc goes to sleep at the same time as me, always has done. We bed share. That means that their wake-up time is more aligned with mine.

It may not.
When I had ds nobody ever talked about sleep regression.
Ds always sleep well, dd didn’t.

I agree. I don't live in the UK and kids are out playing in park still at 10 pm.

It always surprises me hiwcearky kids go to bed in the UK how do you have time to fit in dinner, baths, family time if they go to bed at 6:30?

@ShimmeringShirts 😂😂😂 this is so true. There was a week long period where all 3 of my DC slept through just before this hit.

OP, whilst I encourage my kids to go to sleep early (I want my evenings) really it’s them that want to go to sleep early. DC1 needs 12 hours sleep a night, does 7.30pm-7.30am. My DC2 needs 11 but is exhausted by 6pm. It a struggle to get him to 7.30pm which I insist on because for the first 18 months of his life he naturally woke at 5am. Near on killed me.

my DC1 waking up at 8am when he starts preschool at 8.30 was not fun today. I am going to have to let them move bedtime earlier again.

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 12pm or thereabouts and then complaining they’re late to get up in the morning. Of course they’re sleeping - they have been up to late and they’re tired.
My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I am a little worried why he only sleeps for 8 hours as most need far longer, but if I put him to bed at 6 I might have to get up before 8 and I don't want to do that.
I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation at the moment which I am quite smug about.
Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know just aren't as good as us! It sounds as if they want to get their baby into a routine of sleeping for a long period of time at night rather than having a toddler running around at midnight. Confused. Why would anyone want a toddler that only sleeps for 8 hours/night?

Because that's not a choice we made! If anyone has found a magic trick to keep a baby awake when they want to start their night, please tell me what it is!
My son slept 7-5 from about 4 months, we pushed it to 6-6:30am with sleep training at 6 months, but he now sleeps 6-6 at 11months and there is nothing we can do about it. And he still naps around 3h during the day too!

Not necessarily, I got very anxious about sleep regressions and being told I was in for it when they hit, etc. They never happened.
None of mine have had regressions, however my oldest has consistently been a great sleeper from about 8 weeks (8/8.30 bedtime, wakes any time between 8.30-10), whereas youngest takes a little longer to go down so will generally only sleep 9/9.30 until around 8-9ish. He has until recently been waking once every so often for a feed.

I do think there is sometimes a link between early bedtimes and waking ridiculously early, OP. Just as I have a few friends who complain about their children waking very early and they're exhausted, but the children are all going to bed around 6/6.30pm.

I actually agree with you. My baby only had one longer period of sleep a day and so we went to bed together at a late time. I believe later bedtimes are common in some other countries. My friends putting their babies to bed at 6pm were all complaining about waking up at 4-5am (no thanks!) and their husbands barely saw the baby during the week.

I also persevered with two naps for much longer than my other friends, which meant bedtime was later than if we were only having one.

BUT - there's a notorious sleep regression around 4mo. My baby was sleeping through at three months but from 4-9mo was back to multiple wakings a night. Don't boast too soon!

I agree that in the UK, there is generally an obsession with an early bedtime which I don’t generally understand.

But every child is different and some are great with early bedtimes, some aren’t. DS is nearly 20 months and has never once slept through. We have tried all sorts of bed times and realised putting him down at 7 meant he was sleeping worse, so he now goes down at half 8, 9 and wakes for the day at 8ish the next day (still an interrupted night of course).

Also, I question whether 8 hours sleep overnight is enough for your child. That is really very short, especially at his age.

Most children need 12 hours sleep a day and unlike babies they don’t nap. They need to get up eat breakfast, get themselves dressed which takes longer than when you do it for them and get to school/child care on time.

I’m voting YABU because with my 3 DC I do not get much of a choice. I have to battle for the 5pm dinner, 7pm bedtime. They would happily eat at 4pm do 6pm and be up at 5am

I know where you’re coming from.
I used to get told I was lucky that mine didn’t wake before 7am. Nothing to do with luck. We just wanted to spend time with them other than weekends. Most days one of us wouldn’t be home until 6ish and also enjoyed eating dinner together.

People need different amount of sleep. If I get the recommended 8 hours I am shattered all day. I cope better on less.