AIBU to wonder why people are putting their kids to bed so early

[Tukmgru]

So 100% appreciate that all kids are different but I’m constantly baffled at people putting their kids to bed at 6.30 or thereabouts and then complaining they’re being woken up. Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

My 3 month old goes to bed with us (having had various naps throughout the day) around midnight and doesn’t wake until 8. I appreciate I’m very lucky that he sleeps for the full 8, but if I put him to bed at 6 he’d be up at 2am and wide awake for hours.

I work full time and take the morning feeds whilst DP is on mat leave and does the days. Our tiredness extends to the fact that there’s a whole person to take care of on top of what we were doing before, and have no family or additional paid support, but not sleep deprivation.

Obviously some people have other commitments (night shifts etc) and some kids just don’t sleep, but a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway. Confused!

My DD (5 months) has set the routine for us, she starts getting tired around 6 and if she isn’t asleep by 7 she gets overtired and screams bloody murder. I’m not going to force her to stay awake in the hope she’ll sleep the night through. And actually I find she sleeps longer if she goes down earlier.

Ummmmmmm 8 hours sleep isn't anywhere NEAR enough night sleep. My 3 and 1 year olds go to bed at 7pm and wake up at 7pm and have done since they were 10 weeks old. Midnight for a 3 month is lunacy

Gotta run with your kid’s body clock. My oldest is an early bug and always has been - drives me mad as I’m a night owl. I used to get similar from people like you when he was a toddler who didn’t understand why I wouldn’t keep him out just this once but from around 6.30 he would rapidly become more miserable and grumpy.

My children both slept from 7pm till 7am by three months. My nephew is the same. We have a family of amazing sleepers. Nothing I’ve done. All babies are different and most and dropping by 7pm so you couldn’t keep them awake if you tried.

Aw, bless you and your PFB! "Something works for us at the moment on my sample size of 1, why isn't everyone doing it" 😂

Haha exactly this. It's well known that putting your child down later doesn't make them sleep in till later.

Try not to be so ignorant and self-righteous with your 3 months of parenting OP.

P.s teething is coming up soon, good luck!

Every child is different, every family is different.

DD1 pretty much slept all the time from day 1, having to be woken for feeds!

DD2 just wouldn't nap or sleep properly unless she was on someone's chest! And because we didn't want her waking DD1, we had to do what worked for our household. She's now 6 months and only just sleeping in 4-5 hour chunks!

Friend's DD never really had much routine, would go to bed at odd times as her mum worked shifts and they co slept.

Another friend never implemented a routine and her 2 kids still co sleep at 3 and 5, but they sleep a full night

There are also sleep regressions and life changes that affect babies sleep, so please feel free to come back after the baby hits 4 months

Awwwwwww Bless you, been a parent for 3 months and think you can preach to others how it should be done. How sweet!

OP, your child's sleep routine will change many times over the next few months and years.

I don't think my son ever went to bed before 9 until he was almost a year old. He's now 19 months old and usually goes to sleep at around 7:30.

Their needs and sleep patterns change naturally with each development stage, and that's before you even take into account disruptor such as illness, teething, dropping naps and transitioning to a new childcare setting.

Glad you're getting enough sleep at the moment though, because sleep deprivation can be brutal. Enjoy it while it's working for you and don't worry about other people's babies.

Your baby is only having EIGHT hours sleep at three months old??!

this isnt a good thing OP. Your baby is either really low sleep needs or is, most likely, exhausted because they’re not getting enough sleep.

Also, kids are MEANT to wake every few hours, it’s normal.

Good luck with your over tired baby, and I’d reign in the bragging for now. You’re three months in.

I don't think OP is coming back.

I see you getting your arse handed to you a bit but we were the same with our two, now 14 and 16. For a start I worked since the eldest was 7 months so I wasn’t around to give him dinner at 4 or 5 and bed at 6.30.

I remember being on holiday years ago when ours were pre school age camping and the kids in the next tent were up screaming and running around outside from 5 am. We’d been trying to keep our 2 quiet in the evenings when they were in bed (we usually stayed out for dinner and the kids were nowhere to be seen presumably in bed when we got back) but this stopped one day when we came back during the day for a bit and saw the kids in PJs finishing dinner and heading to bed around 4.30 :/ I mean just why. They were around 3/4 so not tiny.

So, I’ve got a lot more than 3 months parenting experience, and generally speaking I don’t get it either.

This thread is just a pile on.

My reading of the OP is just a curious questioning tone, not judgemental.

Surely if OP had many children and years of experience the post would be different.

OP has mentioned lack of family support. My mum had died by the time I had children, I can imagine asking all sorts of naive questions of people, as I didn’t have close support.

Why so ‘mean girls’ with the replies?

How do you not read this bit of the OP as judgemental?

Of course they’re waking up - they have been asleep for hours and they’re hungry.

@Newlifestartingatlast
Understand I wasn't the clearest in my post but that's generally what I meant :) usually need the 12 hours and then the naps during the day.

@Flyinggeesei234 a lot of the new parents I know in similar circumstances to me seem to be at their wit’s end because, as far as I can tell, they’re putting their baby to bed too early! It often sounds like they’re forcing it too, like the baby doesn’t want to sleep then anyway.

This doesn't read as judgmental to you?

Fwiw we did put ours to bed when we went to bed when they were newborns. They woke every 1-2 hours.

At around 3 months both of them really wanted to go to bed at 6/7pm so we did that. They woke every 1-2 hours and were up at 5-6:30am

We sleep trained them both at around 8 months. They now sleep 7- 6/7 at 6 and 3. We both work so the early schedule is quite helpful for getting out the door for nursery/breakfast club TBH

Bahahahahahaha you've had 3 months and you've cracked it. I suggest you come back in 6 months, then yearly and read this thread op. You might have a slightly different opinion then

Only having 8 hours at that stretch. Which isn't unusual for a baby having 3 naps, which a 3mo should be. All 3 of mine had a later bedtime until they dropped their evening nap. Then bedtime moved to a more expected time between 7 and 8. I think OP hasn't considered that change.

Wow 😯

I was really lucky with my first, four hourly feeds, and they slept through the night from around 12 weeks from 8pm to 6am this is completely unusual bed time was around 7.30/8pm only time I never had around 10-12 hours were sickness

my 2nd child never and I mean never slept…I was lucky if they napped for more than 2 hours…was a shock to my system. I don’t think I got a full night from birth to 5 years…didn’t matter if they went to bed at 8pm, 10pm or midnight they just didn’t sleep I tried everything!! They still do not sleep well now doesn’t matter if they go to bed at midnight or 7pm they are still up from 5am

Your child is THREE MONTHS old…😂
Come back to the thread after the several pending sleep regressions and a few more months parenting experience.

My experience tallies with yours, OP. And my kids are now 12 and 9 so I've got a few years' parenting experience under my belt. Ours ended up always going to bed around 9pm, and have tended to wake around 7.30am. This started pretty early (though at three months, we weren't getting 8-10 hours straight, lucky you!) and persists to this day. I have never done a 7pm bedtime and it works for us.

Obviously every family has to do what is right for them. But when parents complain about those early wake ups, I can't help wondering if the early bedtime doesn't help.

I was at work all day so wanted time with my children in the evening. Until they started school, at 8, they were up till we went to bed.

No problem changing their bedtimes when they started school, the routine was the same just different time.

Kids are different. My older brother would wake up, every morning without fail, around 5-6am. And go to sleep very early.

By contrast I have always slept at around midnight to eight, even as a baby.

But your baby is just three months old, not even old enough for a rhythm or routine, I don't think you can tell yet. My brother apparently slept all the time at that age, and I slept a lot less.

OK. Well I hope everyone feels better for putting her in her place.