That they've been gone over an hour

[YingMei]

My DH took the DC out for a walk over an hour ago, said they would be half an hour DC are 7 and 10. We are in a rural location . DH hasn't taken his phone, helpfully, it's almost dark and no sign of them. I am a bit prone to anxiety but I'm so worried - why would they be so long? Why would he not have returned when it's getting dark?

If it were, and it wasn't, presumably her fully grown adult husband and father of the children could deal with it.

Like I said, 'have words' wasn't the best phrase. It was a conversation - that is it. English isn't my first language.

And whoever asked - yes it was a 20-30 minute walk that was planned. I think whatever I say I'm going to get called controlling so I'll probably leave this thread there but thanks for your thoughts and advice, it's always good to get a different perspective on a situation.

Yes, suffocating is the right word. I know that I constantly have to remind myself not to transmit my anxiety to others, or be the "Debbie Downer" to their good times, just because I'm feeling nervous or anxious.

You have to bite your tongue. Because anxious people are not fun to be around, or attractive, and accommodating them gets old. I've experienced it from both sides.

where I wish he had had his phone so he could have let me know he was delayed.

I’m confused why he needed to tell you if he was delayed.

No offence but your anxiety is your problem and shouldn’t be passed on to him or the DCs.

As an adult I would hate to have a set time to be back by and it sounds like he may have left the phone so he was able to stay out a bit later without you keeping on at him.

I personally would have taken my phone but I don’t think anyone needs to take their phone everywhere and I think being in constant contact with each other has definitely increased our anxiety.

There are people who even track their partners phone (although I would say that is controlling).

Things do happen though don't they v rarely granted but not unknown.

Yep me too, Im speaking from experience and its a shame OP doesnt want to hear that.

As well as me personally in the past its happening at the moment in my family, one person's anxiety is likely to cause the other to have some sort of breakdown the demands and suffocation thats put on them

Maybe not controlling, but certainly over anxious. You need to deal with that, it's not good for DH and children.

At what point us one "allowed" to worrry?

1 hrs?
5hrs?
A day?

It's gone from the OP feeling a bit anxious to her being controlling and suffocating Jesus Christ !!

This is very well said, Blanket.

I really feel that instant 24/7 communication has had negative effects on our brains, our relationships and our ability to cope competently with a variety of situations.

I remember as a young woman changing my own flat tyre on the side of the road because there was no way to reach dad or boyfriend, or being home alone as a teen when my parents were traveling and dealing with a plumbing issue, etc. -- you just got on with it because there you were. Now I hear people in the supermarket calling home with "they're out of brioche rolls, what do I do???" and just think what on earth have we come to. People are way too dependent.

Demanding that another adult carry technology so that one can reach them at will is pretty controlling.

What if he wanted an "off the grid" walk with his kids? Without being texted and bothered? Is he to be denied that on a Sunday afternoon because someone is sitting home dreaming up negative scenarios?

I get you I would have been anxious too. Its not about being controlling at all, just sometimes mind races to worst case scenario.

There's nothing wrong with asking him to take his phone with him

I can't relate to the days before phones, but phones seem to be a much more efficient way of actioning some of the things mentioned in this thread.

I think I may be your Dh/ds. I went out for a walk earlier, I’m usually an hour but it was really beautiful (we’re on the coast and the sea was gorgeous today) so I accept walked 8 miles. I slipped in mud and got a nettle sting and got back in the dark (also had no phone). It was worth it.

Presumably you take the phone and turn it off so you have the means to commuicate if a situation arises that needs it. Isn't that just common sense?

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune
Demanding that another adult carry technology so that one can reach them at will is pretty controlling.

1. "Demanding" is a loaded word - OP hasn't done that
2. The majority of society carry phones with them - it's hardly out of the ordinary. Rather it is the default and therefore not an asinine suggestion.
3. You come across as one of those posters who scream "abuse" and "LTB" on every thread if this is what you consider controlling.

What if he wanted an "off the grid" walk with his kids? Without being texted and bothered? Is he to be denied that on a Sunday afternoon because someone is sitting home dreaming up negative scenarios?

You know that you can put phones on silent and/or do not disturb these days? And that you have the choice not to instantly reply to messages? Funnily enough he could both carry a phone and enjoy his walk on a "Sunday afternoon" without being "bothered".

Funny that you mention "dreaming up negative scenarios" as that's exactly what you're doing Zelda

@lollipoprainbow I now realised that OP said DC had stings on the side of their face, apologies OP!

What made you say a face full of stings...?

How would he “deal with it” if a car came round a winding country road and hit one of them and drove off? Or if one of the children had a seizure? Or if he had a heart attack?

these things are unlikely but they happen (one has happened to me) and if you don’t have a phone you are fucked. You don’t need to look at your phone or use your phone unless there’s an emergency but it’s good to have!

I remember as a young woman changing my own flat tyre on the side of the road

I have mixed thoughts on this. No one thinks a woman in this scenario needs a phone to call a man to do it for her. It's more that women stuck on the side of the road is potentially dangerous due to other men especially at night - please read about the Highway of Tears https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highwayoff_Tears

So in that scenario, even though I could change my own tire, I'd like my phone to be able to let someone know I'm late or call the police if anything happens.

Glad all is well. I don’t think you’re controlling and chances are if he’d had his phone the reassurance you could have contacted him had you felt you needed to would have helped I guess.

OP, I think it's good you did NOT jump in the car to rescue them.

The intrepid three had a little survival adventure. They were tested, they endured, they yomped cross country as darkness fell, carrying the wounded.No man was left behind. They were all heroes. At last they saw the lights of home and safety..
Those tiny childhood mishaps, rescues and bondings get woven into
family history and brought out later to be repolished and admired.

Glad they’re home safe, OP.

I too suffer from irrational anxiety if loved ones don’t come home when they’re expected. I go from ‘hmm, they’re a bit late’ to imaging their funeral within about 10 minutes. I think, for me, it stems from a family member dropping dead when out for a run and another one having a medical emergency resulting in intensive care.

It’s horrible and overwhelming. I manage not to let others know I am freaking out, so I understand you turning to MN to vent. People on here could be kinder.

At four o'clock in the afternoon. Thank fuck everyone's still alive!!!

FFS

And hot chocolate, the panancea for all evils

This place is freak city

People suffer with anxiety.its an issue.sometimes a severe fucking illness.not something most can control,get over,get a grip on. Not something help or a visit to the go means voila sorted.and nor something to be shamed and quilted over.
Believe it or not loved ones and families of those who suffer work really well to work out a system that helps all feel safe and calm.and no lived ones don't mind doing this for those they love.and in fact become quite the warrior families who get through and overcome really terrible times and episodes.
And yes heaven forbid they compromise and do different to help the sufferer.bastards the lot of them.
And bastard sufferers too.😏

Do you also have a get issues? That diatribe is awful, you don't think that partners of anxiety sufferers don't also suffer? Like they're out for a walk on a Sunday afternoons with their children, giving DM a break, they get delayed and it turns into they're unreasonable and they have words?

Jesus, it's just not fair on them!

Not sure why you're talking about bastards?