That they've been gone over an hour

[YingMei]

My DH took the DC out for a walk over an hour ago, said they would be half an hour DC are 7 and 10. We are in a rural location . DH hasn't taken his phone, helpfully, it's almost dark and no sign of them. I am a bit prone to anxiety but I'm so worried - why would they be so long? Why would he not have returned when it's getting dark?

I don't think an adult taking their dc for a nice walk on a pleasant Sunday afternoon with no phone makes it onto the irresponsibility chart, even if they are back a little later than was loosely planned.

Technology can be useful, but this reliance on it to know everything instantly, including peoples exact movements, or feeling so out of control over something so minor is feeding hungry modern anxiety issues.

Everyone should try, and teach their children, to be less reliant on these things, enjoy not being connected for a few hours, don't take your phone with you everywhere and let yourself know the world won't end because you were out of touch for an hour or so.

Technology can be useful, but this reliance on it to know everything instantly, including peoples exact movements, or feeling so out of control over something so minor is feeding hungry modern anxiety issues.

100%

I think calling me controlling is quite a leap based on 1 post where I wish he had had his phone so he could have let me know he was delayed. DS fell face first into a bush of stinging nettles and is still quite upset and sore now. I would have liked to have been able to pick them up. DH doesn't think I am controlling, we actually have a pretty happy marriage believe it or not, but I'm not perfect.
But I did post on AIBU so I am asking for it really!!

It wouldn't be about him 'neurotically checking it', it would be to call me and let me know he was delayed or ask for a lift to help out the DC.

OP you don't need to justify anything to the sarcastic twats posting on here !! I get it totally.

I think I have used the wrong phrase with 'had words'. We just had a conversation, like adults.

Honestly, I don't think this level of control is a "small thing." You need to manage your own anxiety, with all kindness. Not put the onus on others to alter their behaviour to accommodate you. Let alone "have words" over.

I have pretty bad anxiety too, and have for more than 50 years, and I don't expect others to curb or change their behaviour in order to assuage my issues. That a grown adult can't take a walk for a couple of hours without being hounded to have their phone on them is just bizarre.

It would have been easier for the husband not to have to carry a 7 year old

I can only assume people on here have never experienced actual emergencies out of the house

Falling into nettles is not an emergency and frankly kids this age should be more resiliant if it does happen, not have a meltdown and need to be carried.

In the space of an hour, children that age have not walked far. So they are quite close to home, on familiar ground to DH, and at 4.30 it's not yet pitch-black dark (even in here in the N Highlands). From a lit house , evening outside always looks far darker (to you indoors) than to people outside, whose eyes have adjusted gradually to dusk.

100% agree

Deal with your anxiety and don't make it others problem!

Falling into nettles is not an emergency and frankly kids this age should be more resiliant if it does happen, not have a meltdown and need to be carried.*

Yeah cos a face full of stinging nettles is fine ! Ffs what business is it if yours if her son was carried or not

Yes but what if there were an emergency?

Kids falling into nettles is just normal isn't it - how much "recovery" is needed? And you "had words" with a grown adult who simply went for a local walk with his children without his phone?

Genuinely, if you think this is something serious to worry about, then your anxiety is not under control.

It's not an emergency, clearly OP is overly anxious and "a face full of nettles" probably really isn't.

'Delayed'?

Was there a timetable to this walk?

I understand anxiety and believe me, you have to control it and sort it out, it wont be good for you or your family. You might think that he doesnt think you're controlling and he might not use that word but its suffocating living with someone that wants you to change things to manage their emotions. Its not fair.

Ignore the smug ‘I never worry about anything unless it’s literally life or death’ posters. Anything can happen when you’re out and going on about how did we manage before mobile phones is stupid. I remember my parents frantically worrying because my teenage sister got home hours later than expected, and this was in the 70s. Parents did worry then, they just didn’t have the means to communicate it on social media.

Not taking the phone is a positive, means they can disconnect and enjoy the time together and not be tied to technology.

it should mean better quality time together. Plus going for a walk locally isn’t one of the situation where you would ever be that far from home.

I think OP you are passing on your anxiety and forcing others to make accommodations rather than you take your own

Yup. How did we get to a point when some people would consider it an act of recklessness to take kids out for a walk without a mobile phone?

Would your mum have been that worried if your dad had been with her, and they were only a little late?

I was wondering about this actually. I remember as a kid being out for hours with the other kids in the street, we were constantly covered in stings from the bloody things. Didnt come home for it, it was just dealt with at the end of the day out. This was of course the 70s and 80s when we lived dangerously, no phones, kids out all day playing in the streets and the local 'woods' (not really woods just a bramble patch underneath the railway bridge and in local parks)