To ask for help re sons girlfriend s behaviour? Really unsure what to do here.

[Busytimes]

Ds girlfriend , 24 is having a really hard time . I cannot go into detail .

We went with ds and his serious girlfriend to a christmas market today and i think I saw her take a small item and didn't pay for it .

I asked her later did she have a good day and she replied saying that she got something for free. she is very frugal and likes to get deals and freebies so i didn't react.

At the time I didn't say anything as lots of people in our group were talking and I didnt think anything of it

. Later this evening, I saw the item which I thought I saw her take .

I feel like she may think this is nothing / small item but it has really disturbed me .

I feel like I cant accuse her , but I am concerned re what ds may be getting himself into . -they have just moved in together.
I feel very confused what to do . / how to deal with it ?
This is not ok.I dont want to estrange our ds , but this feels wrong .
I feel like if i ask her were the item was from , what if she lies ? Were would we go from there. I am a very honest person and I feel really anxous about this .

"Oh that's nice, what was it you got for free?"

You didn't even say that?

I wish i had , but because I was so suprises I just sort of froze .

There's nothing you can do then.

You can't go accusing her of theft either to her face or behind her back to your DS, because you said yourself you're not 100% sure.

Sympathies. I think I would ask your DS about it. There may be a reason.

She is a thief and it's probably not the first time. However, how or if you raise it is a different kettle of fish. There is being frugal and stealing. Hopefully she will get caught which will take this out of your hands

Ive just been down and asked her oh what did you get for free. She said the item that i think i saw go in her pocket. She overtly said it was a free item . It had a price on it .
They are currently guests in our house.
I am concerned for our ds .
She has a well paid job and is not poor but is under stress.

If you know for certain then raise it with her. Make the assumption she didn't know if was free to give her a way out. "Oh that items you thought was free has been bothering me- I saw it actually had a price tag (look as if you are breaking embarrasing news to her) and see the response. If he she says nothing directly ask her- "did you not realise? Oh no! How awful"

Tell her to take back the item to the market stall - she might be able to just place it on the stall without being noticed. Explain that, even though she’s having a hard time, it would be worse if she got a criminal record or added to a record. Talk to your son. He will probably take the side of his gf but at least they will discuss the situation. If it’s a misunderstanding then at least it’s aired and cleared.

"You think"

Please don't accuse her on what you thought you saw. She may of paid for it on that basis!

presumably your son is a similar age, not a child.
leave them to it.
it's nothing to do with you.
don't interfere.

But i am sure that i paid for all the item s from that stall .

Ok I probably wont interfere , it does feel very odd to me .. i feel like I am possibly colluding with something wrong .

i wonder if she is testing you? In an odd type of way.

Playing devil’s advocate here - last year at a Xmas market I got told to pick 2 free shower gels in xmas baubles as I had spent over a certain amount. The lady was bagging up my bought things and I picked them out myself and put them in my other shopping bag. Could this girl have been in a similar position? Had she perhaps bought something else? Hard to say without being there.
I really hope there is an innocent explanation.

Well look at it this way, next time you will be prepared. You can be vigilant and if it happens again, more certain of your ground.

You can respond with kindness, all the more so because you've had time to think it through, but better to be caught out by someone who cares about you than someone who doesn't.

Kleptomania is a serious mental health condition. Alternatively, episodes of kleptomania can arise with stress and depression, in a similar way to self harm. She needs help, and is obviously unwell. I would keep an eye on her and approach it from a mental health/ worried about her stance, rather than addressing the theft.

I would definitely raise it with you son. But raise it with concern not judgement. People do weird things under pressure.

Can you arrange another trip to the market together and watch her like a hawk? If you see it happen again then you can talk to your son about your concern for her. I'm sure he'd have noticed by now if this was something she did regularly so it could be mental illness brought on by stress. That's kleptomania for you.

It’s really nothing to do with you. If she gets caught stealing (which she will, eventually), that’s for her to deal with

I don’t think the OP needs to turn into 007

She’s shoplifting, it’s not great but it’s not an out of control heroin habit.

I’d leave it. You could mention it to your son, but be clear you might be wrong.

Don’t make this a bigger thing than it is, or overly interfere with your adult kid’s life. She’ll either grow out of it, or bigger issues with become clear. You can’t force things to resolve until they are ready. Let it go.

You don’t sound certain so I wouldn’t say anything & your boy is a grown up so have faith in him.

Is it possible that the stallholder said she could have it for free, for some reason?

Stay out of it OP.

There is a phrase that I sometimes see on shops signs that read: "Thieves will be prosecuted". Usually black text on a yellow background to make it like a warning sign.

She may have got away with it today if your thread is serious, but she will get caught soon if she's a serial shop-lifter. Then it'll be a deal breaker for the DS.

Highly unlikely!
What stall keeper would do that?

@Busytimes Theft is very common
I saw people shoplifting openly yesterday, the shop staff said they were powerless to stop it.

I was shocked, and googled “shoplifting ‘
There is a MN thread on it
”
I am a professional shoplifter , ask me anything

( An eye opener!)

It becomes a habit, fast.
A lightfingered GF is likely what your DS has.

The fact she openly spoke of it; suggests it may be a regular thing. I think you'll have no peace until you mention it to DS.

"Susan said she got something for free at the craft market, it's been on my mind and I don't know what to make of it".

I'd feel really, really uncomfortable hosting a lightfingered guest in my home.