To ask for help re sons girlfriend s behaviour? Really unsure what to do here.

[Busytimes]

Ds girlfriend , 24 is having a really hard time . I cannot go into detail .

We went with ds and his serious girlfriend to a christmas market today and i think I saw her take a small item and didn't pay for it .

I asked her later did she have a good day and she replied saying that she got something for free. she is very frugal and likes to get deals and freebies so i didn't react.

At the time I didn't say anything as lots of people in our group were talking and I didnt think anything of it

. Later this evening, I saw the item which I thought I saw her take .

I feel like she may think this is nothing / small item but it has really disturbed me .

I feel like I cant accuse her , but I am concerned re what ds may be getting himself into . -they have just moved in together.
I feel very confused what to do . / how to deal with it ?
This is not ok.I dont want to estrange our ds , but this feels wrong .
I feel like if i ask her were the item was from , what if she lies ? Were would we go from there. I am a very honest person and I feel really anxous about this .

Op doesn’t need further proof she flipping saw her do it!

Very concerning that your child is going to throw their lot in with someone of low morals. That said hard to know what to actually do about it. Tricky.

I think the issue is, she really didn’t need the thing, she did it for a kick even though she’s a grown-ass woman. It seems like some kind of weird sociopathic thing to do tbh.

My concern would be that someone who does that as an adult is slightly disturbed doesn’t have a conscience about stealing and gets a kick out of transgressing boundaries. Not ideal qualities in a child’s life partner really…

I don’t know how you get free stuff on expenses unless you are fiddling them

The good thing is now you know, and forewarned is forearmed. Those freebies she talks about getting through work are likely to have been pilfered too.

If you are helping them finance a house purchase then ringfence the deposit. Don't leave valuables lying around at home - hide them well. Don't try to discuss your concerns with your son, you've already seen how he'll react. He'll defend her and it will drive a wedge between you. My brother's (ex)girlfriend stole some of my mother's jewellery and when we told my brother he was confused, then defensive and then said he'd taken it to give her.

You've repeatedly said she's stressed - aren't we all? It's no excuse. She's a common or garden liar and a thief.

I would be worried too , but for now I think you should leave it , just keep the information tucked away and keep an eye on her if you're out shopping in the future.

If you do have it out with her and she admits she stole it, what then ? Would you just tell her off or report her ? You need to think about what your objective is ?

I’d tell her I knew she was a thief. Nothing else. Because let’s face it - there’s only a few other things that are worse than being a thief.