To ask for help re sons girlfriend s behaviour? Really unsure what to do here.

[Busytimes]

Ds girlfriend , 24 is having a really hard time . I cannot go into detail .

We went with ds and his serious girlfriend to a christmas market today and i think I saw her take a small item and didn't pay for it .

I asked her later did she have a good day and she replied saying that she got something for free. she is very frugal and likes to get deals and freebies so i didn't react.

At the time I didn't say anything as lots of people in our group were talking and I didnt think anything of it

. Later this evening, I saw the item which I thought I saw her take .

I feel like she may think this is nothing / small item but it has really disturbed me .

I feel like I cant accuse her , but I am concerned re what ds may be getting himself into . -they have just moved in together.
I feel very confused what to do . / how to deal with it ?
This is not ok.I dont want to estrange our ds , but this feels wrong .
I feel like if i ask her were the item was from , what if she lies ? Were would we go from there. I am a very honest person and I feel really anxous about this .

Because OP already said that SHE paid for all the items...

This is what I was thinking.

I got to select a free candle last week after purchasing a fair amount of goods.

You may be jumping to conclusions.

Yes, I am concerned for our ds.
I really do not think she would steal from us .
She does have strange quirks ( to me , we are all different) , which include tracking freebies, never bringing a small gift when we host for days at a time, celebration of getting things free / reduced.
It is a preoccupation / way of life.
She does spend money on things she likes , quality lap top for eg .

I think your instinct is right.

Don’t bring it up when she is in your house, but I think you can speak to your DS after they have left. And I definitely would. If she is behaving like that then it may be impacting him.

Thanks but they are both leaving the house at the same time as both live away.. seperately at the mo.

She is a thief, never mind the excuses of stress, MH issues, or just forgetfulness, She is a thief and you know what you saw. There is nothing you can do and nothing you can say to your Son. Never ever go shopping with her again and when she comes to visit lock your purse etc away and don't leave small trinkets lying around.

Do you have a good relationship with your ds? I you don’t, I would consider talking to your ds from a place of concern when you are next in contact with and he’s home rather than with his gf. The last thing she needs if she’s going through a hard time is to have a criminal record.

Oops. If meant if you do, stupid autocorrect.

a very good relationship with ds , but i fear he would get protective and dismiss.

Very difficult scenario. Raising it might jolt her into stopping?

So i asked her, saying that i was worried she had thought it was for free when it wasn't and that she could have got into trouble .
reply was .. i put it in my pocket whilst doing something else on the stall and forgot about it .
Seemed totally unremarkable. Ds said oh yes thats what she did . As if nothing .

did she say it was something else that she got for free?

Her explanation still ends with the stall holder unpaid. What does DS think of that?

She's a brazen CF thief, stress or no stress.

Whats cf?
yes i am worried. About this . Ds seemed to accept it which is not like him ..and the market has now gone( one off) .

I thinl ds may be mortified and embarrassed , but feels has to say this .

To save face

A cheeky fuck. So she relishes yesterday saying she "got something for free" then today it's because she put it in her pocket without thinking? That's quite bizarre behaviour. I'd have a word with DS another time about it when she's not around.

This woman and your son are both adults, so nobody else has a right to interfere in their lives. If either of them specifically ask you for help, then things would change. Until then, surely silence is the only option?

Be very careful. I have twice been accused of stealing when I hadn't. Stealing is absolutely against my nature and I was deeply upset by the accusations both times. Really hurt and shocked that anyone could think that of me. Unless you know for certain that she stole, say nothing.

If that's true then it means she planned to pay for it. You bought things so you have a reciept or something with their name on it. They'll have facebook or Instagram or some online presence. She can contact them, explain that she found it amongst her things and she didnt pay for it so could she send them the money now through PayPal etc.

If they were staying in my home, I'd have no problem telling them how uncomfortable theft makes me so I've found the sellers page and should I type the message or will they, and hand them my phone.

I'm self employed. I started out doing markets. Now I sell to shops. I remember those early days and stock going missing from the booth. I had to pay for those materials and make those items and I lost that money every time so this is really personal for me. I just couldnt stand for this. Embarrassment or awkwardness wouldnt stop me. They'd be messaging that seller or getting the hell out of my house.

Hbu 17 .. what do you mean ask for help ?( Do u mean re the behaviour ? We are currently helping them financially re new home they are to move in .)

Ive said to message the seller . I guess i will never know . I cant physically force her to do it .

That's exactly what I think. She of course may have stolen it, but unless you are sure, I'd let it go. She's an adult and you can't control what she does, equally it wasn't your fault if she did steak it. You couldn't have predicted it or stopped her.

The impression I get is it is minimised As it was a very cheap small item . Thats. Not the point . She seems to be saying it was inadvertantly/ accidental free because she accidentally kept it . The thing is she seemed pleased it was “ free” not mortified .

Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do, she's and adult, your son is an adult. As you quite rightly say he isn't going to take kindly to the conversation if you press it. It's a stressful time moving in with someone, even when you have been together a while it can throw up surprises so I would probably leave it and keep on good terms with your son in case he needs your support in the future.

She sounds like a wrongun. I would be worried for my DS too in your shoes. Try and talk to him 💐