DD with granny all day without lunch

[VCO]

I am a mother of a 3 year old that since she started eating she's not the kind of toddler that will eat anywhere, at any time, any kind of food. Routine is the key to get her to have proper meals. She's quite good at nursery as she seats with her little mates and she follows their example. Today she spent the whole day with her granny. From previous experiences I decided to prepare a lunch box and snacks for the afternoon as I know she wouldn't bother cooking her a decent meal. Sure enough she came back at the end of the day with her lunch still in the bag, all the snacks were gone and a bag of sweets that her G bought were there, half gone. She texted saying she didn't touch her pasta (that just happens she didn't even bother warming it up and put it on a plate!) She said she can't force her to eat when I mentioned she should have fed her before leaving to the park as she likes to eat at the table and the food needed to be warmed up (basic I know... I wonder how she had two kids of her own!) Can't blame my daughter not feeling keen on eating cold pasta straight from a Tupperware! She had cucumber and biscottis her Granny said... She left at 11am coming home at 5pm! I am flabbergasted, DD was happy when she got home but starving! As a responsible adult, wouldn't u make sure your granddaughter would have more during the day rather than sweets and cucumber?! AIBU?

“Wouldn’t bother cooking her a decent meal”

I cant see the problem. She ate. It was only a few hours, and she had a lovely day with her nana. She then had a proper meal with you at home.

If a child arrived with a packed lunch in a lunchbox I’d assume it was a picnic style lunch - wouldn’t occur to me to heat it up or put it on a plate, so I don’t think you can blame your MIL for not reading your mind on that one! If your child had a nice day, and you already know she’s a fussy eater, I wouldn’t worry about the details.

I wouldn't have warmed the pasta either unless you asked, cold pasta salad is a pretty normal thing. I think yabu and nitpicky. She did you a favour, she isn't staff.

She won’t have starved. It’s one day and it sounds as if she’s somewhat ‘tricky’ around eating anyway.

I don't think it's a big deal tbh. Dgs has been here today, I cooked and offered him what he asked for, he ate very little of it. Told dd she will have offered him something substantial when he went home. No child will starve if they are offered food and choose not to eat it.

Pasta she probably assumed was pasta salad (serve cold)
She ate snacks it’s not end of world. Presumably child had a nice day and you got several child free hours.

It's not really a big deal.
Assuming child had a nice day with Granny? Hungry now? Feed her now.
My Mum used to feed DD sweets and barely diluted squash all day! DD had a whale of a time.

Routine goes out the window when they are elsewhere. Lovely that she had a nice time with granny. She obviously didn't want the pasta (and not especially obvious it had to be warm on plate) she had snacks and was ready for dinner. Great day.

If you are concerned she doesn't eat enough then i would give a brunch before she left realising she may not eat well and pack plenty of healthy snacks.

My toddler happily eats cold pasta out of tuppaware and I imagine most do.

You shouldn’t pander. You offer the food as it is and if she doesn’t eat it then she doesn’t eat it.

I think YABU. As someone who works in childcare, I would never force a child to eat. If you sent the food in a lunchbox I would do exactly the same as granny did, I'd offer it but not force it. You said she had snacks. Many 3 year olds are snacky eaters. Cold pasta is common IMO and I wouldn't have thought to heat it either unless the 3 year old asked for it warm.

Have to agree with everyone else.

I'd have assumed the pasta was to be eaten cold if you sent a packed lunch too, and I've managed to raise 3 dc to adulthood <preens>

You have said she is fussy / picky / unwilling to eat out of routine, then you are cross because she didn't eat out of routine

You're being unreasonable. This lady provided I am imagining free childcare and she gave your daughter the packed lunch that you asked her to. She doesn't have to provide childcare. She did it to help you.

You say you know from previous experiences to send a lunchbox so this doesn't seem like an unusual situation.

You need to encourage your daughters eating habits because she'll be in school before you know it.

So OP, did you enjoy your free time?

You prepared your daughters lunch so it's obvious that she should have eaten it. You're the parent and you asked the gran to look after your child with a lunch provided. It’s simple for the grandparent to see the lunch and to give it to their grandchild. Make this really clear next time.

Of course it couldn’t be that your precious child played granny up and just ate the ‘good stuff’ rather than your sweaty old pasta. Honestly it’s quite clear you hate your (I’m guessing) MIL, so maybe don’t leave your kid with her next time.

As someone who’s families and in-laws have never looked after their child , who never so much as offered to take them to the park at a gathering I find it difficult to see how food rules could spoil the blessing that is a day of free childcare . Just let granny feed her biscuits and crisps if she wants . It’s not every day . So long as it’s balanced with good stuff the rest of the week it really doesn’t matter. I mean this kindly , I’m getting the vibe that you’re a very anxious person who likes to be in control , this is probably why your little one can be a pain with food too. Time to learn to relax a bit perhaps ? Yes it’s important to set good expectations of food and healthy lifestyles , yes the odd day living on crap is also fine.
presumably if you spent the day at the seaside little one could enjoy some chips , an icecream? If granny’s isn’t something that happens multiple times a week I would let granny and little one make their own rules there .

Granny did give her the lunch - she didn't eat it.

She had some snack and some sweets. She was hardly starved.

Honestly chill out. Sounds like you had childcare and a happy child who said no to food but ate lots of snacks including cucumber. Just give them a decent dinner and be happy.

My three year old niece is a bottomless pit and with granny ate beans and sausages, toast, scrambled egg, a banana, raspberries and yoghurt. Not all three year olds are like my niece though. Ultimately as long as your DD had a good time with granny that is all that matters. One day is not going to affect your DD in any serious way. YABU

As op said, if you'd made up a packed lunch with cold pasta in it, I'd assume it was a drab pasta salad. Wouldn't have occurred to me to heat it up.

That aside, I think you're over dramatising .

She had 2 kids herself. That makes sense. When you have more than one child you don’t treat your only child like they are royalty. Warmed up pasta on a plate at a table? That is over the top and NO normal parent would ever think that’s expected. Especially on a day out. I hope you managed to hide your annoyance well cause I can totally see granny explaining to her friends about her unreasonable daughter/daughter in law that was super ungrateful to her for babysitting over unreasonable lunch expectations

reminds me of that meme from years ago.
first child eats dirt and mum rings the doctor
second child eats dirt and mum washed their mouth out.
third child eats dirt and mum wonders if they still need to feed them lunch.

if you'd made up a packed lunch with cold pasta in it, I'd assume it was a drab pasta salad

Same here.