SAHP not doing enough and should work harder.

[Hottubby]

AIBU?
I am the main breadwinner, work up to 80 hours/6-7 days a week sometimes. My DH works part time (potential to earn and work more but just doesn’t and hasn’t for many many years) and contributes very little financially.
I am frustrated he isn’t doing enough, but friends think I am being unfair.
I do all the life admin, finances- literally everything, pay for most things including all holidays, meals out etc on top of usual mortgage and most bills.
I do cleaning and some cooking.

He does- dog walks, all washing, takes and collects ironing from ironing service, DIY, occasional food shopping and meals only if brown and goes in the oven or mindful chef, occasional gardening, ferries kids to activities (kids are older).

I think he should do more, either work more and contribute financially or help with cooking and life admin.

AIBU or do we have the balance right? I’m increasingly frustrated with it all.

A man who wrote a post about how lazy and awful his wife is for only working 25 hours a week, saying she's too used to be 'kept' and when he's working 80 hours a week he wants his tea on the table would rightly be told where to go.

I disagree (and think that's rather a disingenuous retelling of the story). The fact is that OP's H's work contributes nothing financially and has actually cost the family money in the years that it made a loss.

Anyone, male or female who talked about running a business that never made any money would be given short shrift on here.

Exactly this.

And part of what @Hottubby is venting about is that SHE does waaay more than 50% of the housework and family care etc.

I’ve noticed this pattern: SAHMs do everything; SAHPs do a very calculated amount and then bugger off for their “down time.”

I disagree (and think that's rather a disingenuous retelling of the story). The fact is that OP's H's work contributes nothing financially and has actually cost the family money in the years that it made a loss.

Not disengenous at all.

Like I said up thread, the thread would probably have been very different if the OP had posted asking for advice saying I'm finding the long hours too much and now the children are grown I'd like DH to increase his hours so we can share the financial responsibilities more. What's the best way to achieve this?. Most people would agree, me included, that family responsibilities should be always up for review.

I just think that it is interesting that the OP starts with a the presentation of a SAHP who doesn't do much, but actually he works part time with SAHP (who isn't a SAHP) contributes little financially and her friends think she's unreasonable on the topic. Then it becomes he works 25 hours a week but doesn't make much money. Then when the thread isn't going as anticipated there's a huge drip feed that he's making a loss.

She says Yes we are very different, I’m driven. He is not, but if they were quite that different then it was known from the start. At some point they both decided that her career as prioritised (just like many other families where one parent's career takes the front seat and the other is around more at home).If he is so lacking in motivation, not as driven as she wants him to be, has been lazy for years, wants to be a kept man, hasn't taken her out for dinner more than twice in 25+ years then it sounds like there's total incompatibility issues here. OP would probably be better cutting her losses and going it alone.

This isn't either/or. Both of those things are true